Author: Jim McCann

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

Alberta, a member of our community, has a very special birthday this week. Born in 1932, she’s turning “23”! Back in 1996, her family splurged on a car for her Sweet 16. And for her 21st in 2016, her special day was made even more special with an adult beverage.

Before anyone questions my math, I should note that Alberta was born on Feb. 29, 1932. She’s one of just 5 million people worldwide who were born on the last day of February during a leap year – they’re known as leaplings. And her family, led by her husband of 72 years and daughter Sharon, helps Alberta celebrate her birthdays with both style and humor. (The car, incidentally, was a toy, but the beer was real.)

Sharon pointed out that Alberta will have circled the sun 92 times on Thursday. But she also shared that her Amazing Mom is still going strong:

After she retired, she worked at the cash register of a family-owned pharmacy. She enjoys reading, listening to music, especially gospel music, talking on the phone, keeping up with family and friends on Facebook with her tablet, and working crossword puzzles every day. She also shares her family’s genealogy with whomever will listen.

As Alberta’s story shows, you don’t need to have been born on a day that occurs once every four years to keep feeling young as you grow old. What matters are the relationships you have and what you do to keep them active.

The relativity of age

You’ve probably heard the saying that 60 is the new 50, 50 is the new 40, and so on. The truth is that many of us are living longer because of advances in medicine, improvements in health care, and more of a focus on the importance of diet and exercise.

More of us than ever before will have the luxury of more years. But it’s not just more time. It’s also more experience, more knowledge, more relationships, and more memories. If, in the end, you retire and shut down, you’re throwing all that away.

Even if you choose to retire from work, you can still make the most of life by sharing your skills, experience, and memories with your friends and family, especially the young ones. You can volunteer your time at a charity, spend time at a school, or make it a point to meet up with friends regularly.

Though I may be older, I remain fascinated by news and current events, breakthroughs in science and technology, and finding new ways to enhance my life. Thanks to decades of life experience and a curiosity that never ages, I always have something to talk about. I’ll bet you do, too.

Living life in crescendo

My friend Cynthia Covey Haller, the daughter of the late leadership expert Stephen Covey, coined the phrase “living life in crescendo” to describe how we should live life to the fullest to the very end. In music, a crescendo is a buildup of sound and power. It’s a great analogy for how we can live our lives: Taking everything that we’ve experienced and building on it in our later years.

Her dad’s life may be the leading example. Stephen saw the “Crescendo Mentality” as the final component of a lifelong message that started with the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which inspired millions of people to lead more effective and meaningful lives.

In her book, Live Life in Crescendo, Cynthia discusses the options retirees have. They can spend their time resting and relaxing (life in diminuendo) or they can continue to contribute to their families, friends, and communities (life in crescendo). The latter leverages all the knowledge, wealth, talents, resources, and connections they’ve accumulated over the years.

The first step to living life in crescendo is recognizing that all of us have a unique power to lift other people. Even if you don’t think you have money, influence, or other material things to share, you can still contribute simply by connecting with other people. As Cynthia said to me in a Celebrations Chatter conversation: “You can retire from a job or career, but you can never retire from making a difference in people’s lives.”

Running a marathon at 88

Staying active is a critical part of living your life to the fullest. I recently spoke with my friend Alan Patricof. Over the course of his life, he’s played an integral role in venture capital and helped finance companies like America Online, Apple, and Audible in their early days. At 89, he’s not slowing down.

Last year, for instance, Alan, then 88, completed the New York City Marathon. He’s also recently parachuted and attended Burning Man, an annual weeklong festival in the Nevada desert that focuses on the betterment of the human spirit. In December, he got married again and told his wife he plans to live to 114.

I promised my wife 25 years, so I’m trying hard to hold myself to that. I keep very active. She keeps very active. We have a very active social life; theater and concerts in New York City. We really participate in the city life. We also take long walks every morning. I’m careful about what I eat and I keep myself at the same weight.

Alan’s experience is an inspiration for all of us. He not only takes care of himself by staying active but also takes the time to stay connected. It’s something all of us can do, and it’s never too late to start.

Hopefully, Alberta’s birthday, Cynthia’s lessons for retirees, and Alan’s active lifestyle can be sources of inspiration for those who have trepidation about aging. And for all those celebrating a leap year birthday on Feb. 29, enjoy your special day. The next opportunity for you to celebrate won’t be until 2028!

All the best,
Jim

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

What if I told you there’s something that can help cure the loneliness epidemic, friendship recession, depression, and a host of other mental and physical illnesses? And that the same remedy can also reduce crime, strengthen communities, and help end political polarization?

The “medicine” for all those ailments?

Kindness.

Sadly, kindness seems to be in short supply these days. Just turn on the TV news or drive anywhere, and you’ll probably see countless examples of people being not so kind to each other.

Imagine the impact of each one of us making a conscious decision to do something extra for another person. I’m not talking about just being nice, like saying hello to your neighbor but being thoughtful, caring, and considerate. It’s going out of your way to have a positive impact on someone else’s life.

That is the goal of Random Acts of Kindness Week, which started last week and ends tomorrow. Since 1995, the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation has been encouraging people to give kindness a try and see how it makes a difference. I think it should be extended indefinitely.

The kindness ripple effect

Something as simple as buying a stranger a cup of coffee does not seem like an act that will change the world. But research shows that a little bit of kindness goes a very long way. Both the recipient and the giver experience joy, and such acts, when multiplied, have an exponential impact on everyone around us.

According to a University of Ohio study, people who act kindly (in other words, they’re motivated by the desire to help another person and not gain reward or avoid punishment) saw a boost in happiness and self-esteem and a reduction in stress. People who were depressed or anxious benefited as it took their minds off their symptoms.

The Mayo Clinic points out that being kind helps light up the pleasure and reward systems in our brains. Further, it helps alleviate loneliness, which is a crucial step toward helping to combat our current epidemic of loneliness. And finally, kindness helps you better connect with others – which studies have shown leads to longer and happier lives.

Let’s go a step further, by strengthening not just relationships between individuals but among the wider community. A set of studies from Stanford University found that when people see or experience acts of kindness, they will copy the behavior. In fact, it spreads like a virus.

Kindness in our community

In last week’s Celebrations Pulse, I asked you to share your experiences with kindness. The responses confirmed what I always knew: This is a very kind community.

For Jennifer, kindness was about helping to save a life, and in the process making her feel better about herself and more appreciative:

My husband has had health problems over the years and eventually needed a kidney transplant. We found out I was a match, and I donated a kidney. Five years later, he is still with us. When I’m feeling down, I like to do anonymous random acts of kindness, to put some good back into the world, and I feel I was truly blessed by something positive each time I did something kind. I continue to bless strangers as much as I can, and especially when I am just feeling a bit down.

In another story, Linda headed to a local eatery to have breakfast by herself after her husband and son left for work one morning. Then she noticed an elderly man who was also eating alone:

I’m not sure if he had family or not, so I thought I would make someone’s day, and I paid for his breakfast. I enjoyed the shocked look from him when he found out his breakfast was paid. He did not know that it was me. I was blessed to be able to bless someone else.

Dawn decided at the beginning of the year to be more involved in her local community, and one of the ways she does that is to shop once a month at an independent grocery store near her home. It was there that she figured out another way to give back:

After my purchases, I ask to get $25 in cash, and I give it to the cashier to apply to the next customer’s grocery bill. It is totally random and not to be disclosed to the customer. I am so fortunate and grateful to be able to share.”

Julie’s story also took place at a grocery store. Last year, she saw a commotion in an adjacent checkout lane as a customer was asking the cashier to remove items from her cart; her debit card had been declined several times:

I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned over and instructed the cashier to add back all the items. I handed him my credit card and paid for her order. The woman was flabbergasted, and she asked me for my address, so she could bring me the money the next day. She asked me if I had a dog, and I said no that I had a cat.

The next day, the woman came to my house with a small bouquet of flowers and a treat for my cat. 

The next time I went to that store, there was a $20 bill lying on the floor waiting for me to pick it up. After that experience, when someone tells me there is no karma or divine intervention, I don’t believe them.

The lesson in all the stories our community shared is that it feels good when you give your time, your effort, and even your money, to help other people. It is part of what makes us human. And it’s why we say that, for so many reasons, giving is the gift!

All the best,
Jim

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

Valentine’s is marked by rituals that help express our love, whether it’s to a romantic partner, family members, or friends. Everything, from the box of chocolates or flowers to the special dinner, is intended to send a message beyond what words can capture.

These rituals are like a special language that communicates feelings and emotions through activities and gestures. And like a traditional language, the fact that you speak it doesn’t always mean the other person is listening or understanding what you’re trying to say.

A colleague recently shared a story that illustrated this point. He told me about how he spent days planning a Valentine’s dinner for a new girlfriend. They had a good time, but something didn’t click. They didn’t feel a strong connection until they hugged each other after the meal.

In this story, the boyfriend was showing affection with the dinner, but that wasn’t how the girlfriend wanted to receive it. She preferred physical touch over acts of service, words of affection, or even gifts. Once my co-worker figured this out, sparks flew – and they got married a few years later!

Observations from marriage counseling

The idea that each of us has a preferred love language isn’t new. It was pioneered by Dr. Gary Chapman, a North Carolina pastor and marriage counselor who noticed a pattern among the couples seeking his advice over the years. In this week’s Celebrations Chatter podcast, he told me about his light-bulb moment:

I sat down and read several years of notes that I made when I was counseling. When one said, ‘I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me,’ I asked myself the question, ‘What were they complaining about?’ Their answers fell into five categories, and I later called them the five love languages.

Dr. Chapman published his findings in the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Since its debut in 1992, the book has become a major success, selling over 20 million copies in 50 languages.

The premise of his work is both simple and profound: Each of us gives and receives love in different ways. If you learn to recognize these preferences in yourself and your loved ones, you can strengthen your relationships and grow closer.

Lessons for Valentine’s

Dr. Chapman’s work provides a framework not only for those who struggle with expressing love on Valentine’s, but also those who aren’t feeling loved. He and his team have even developed quizzes to help people identify their and their partner’s love language.

But, he points out, love languages aren’t mutually exclusive. Your partner’s primary love language might be “physical touch,” but that doesn’t mean you should ignore the other love languages – especially on Valentine’s Day.

Lean over backward, go overboard! Give heavy doses of the primary love language, sprinkle in the other four, and you get extra credit!

Beyond Valentine’s

Dr. Chapman says that even if you’ve been married for a long time as he and I have, it’s never too late to learn the love language of the special person in your life.

I think five love languages will help people at any stage in the relationship. If it’s a significant relationship, this concept is going to be extremely helpful in how to communicate love in a way that’s meaningful to the other person.

His advice for thinking about relationships isn’t just applicable to Valentine’s – or to romantic partners. Understanding how every person in your life prefers to receive love or appreciation can strengthen all types of relationships – whether it’s with your mom or dad, children or grandchildren, your friends, or your co-workers. To Dr. Chapman, the five languages are fundamental to human nature.

At their core the languages are to help enhance relationships and improve communications between partners. And I’m just greatly encouraged with the number of people whose relationships have been impacted positively by the concept.

Just talking to my family about the love languages this last weekend, I opened a robust conversation about how we like to give and receive affection. We all want to love and be loved, and Dr. Chapman’s work provides a great guide for opening the discussion for Valentine’s Day and beyond.

All the best,
Jim

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

Over the past month, this letter has focused on different aspects of the loneliness epidemic. We’ve touched on the importance of friendship, how the season affects our feeling of isolation, and how once-popular social hubs like churches and bars have made it more difficult to connect.

As I wrote last week, the impact of loneliness is staggering. It contributes to shorter lifespans by increasing the risk of heart disease, depression, and other ailments. On a broader scale, many researchers believe it’s a major contributor to the decline in civil discourse. If we don’t know each other, we’re less willing to compromise and seek out solutions for the common good.

Loneliness is a public crisis in terms of individual health and the collective good. Several public officials, including U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, have made finding solutions a top priority. Bipartisan groups of lawmakers have even introduced legislation aimed at better understanding and ending loneliness.

Late last year, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul took a step in raising awareness. She appointed a familiar name as the state’s – and the country’s – first ambassador to loneliness: Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

A new role for Dr. Ruth

For so many of us, Dr. Ruth is iconic. She is best known for her candid talk about sex – a topic, like loneliness, many people are uncomfortable talking about.

At 95, Dr. Ruth has lived an extraordinary life. She has experienced immense pain and enormous popularity. She lost both parents during the Holocaust. On moving to the United States in 1956, she worked as a maid to pay for her education. She earned a doctorate from Columbia University in 1970 – at the age of 42.

In the 1980s, Dr. Ruth began her legendary career as a sex therapist on radio and television. And the rest, as they say, is history. But after a long and productive career, Dr. Ruth is ready to take on her next challenge: the loneliness epidemic.

A conversation with New York’s loneliness ambassador

I had the wonderful privilege of connecting with Dr. Ruth recently to talk about her new role, the crisis of loneliness, and how we can help those who are lonely. Below is an edited version of our conversation.

You went from being the world’s best-known sex therapist to New York’s new ambassador of loneliness. What prompted you to raise the issue with Gov. Hochul?

I’ve known loneliness, even extreme loneliness, during my 95 years. When I was 10 years old, I was separated from my family and never saw them again. When I was 20, I was caught in a bomb blast and almost died and wondered what would happen to me.

Also, I lost my husband of 35 years to a stroke in 1997. And I’ve been lonely at other times too. So, when I read about the loneliness epidemic, given my history and my experience as a therapist, I knew I had to join the fight against loneliness.

Your story shows that the issue of loneliness is not something new. Why do you suppose it’s receiving so much attention now?

Loneliness is part of the human condition, and everyone has felt it. But today we are seeing it affect large swaths of the population in ways it never did before. The isolation caused by the COVID [pandemic] played a huge role. Young adults should be out, having a good time with their friends, but they’re not. And with people living longer, seniors are finding that they’ve lost most of their friends.

With technology, we’re more connected than we’ve ever been. Why isn’t social media helping us to be less lonely?

In order not to feel lonely, you have to physically be with another person. Being online with someone offers some relief, but not enough. And so many young people aren’t even online with a friend but with strangers and bots. That’s not going to help the situation at all.

How do you approach someone who is lonely?

It doesn’t take much. A smile or a hello will mean a lot to the lonely person. I know people are afraid of getting involved, that if they reach out to a lonely person, they’ll get stuck being their friend and they don’t have the time for that. But there are lots of ways of reaching out that will help the lonely person without risking too much involvement. Certainly, sending flowers is one of those.

What is your advice for helping someone who appears lonely but doesn’t want help?

That’s a tough one because people will get defensive and say they’re not lonely when they are. The first step to curing loneliness is to admit that it’s a problem and then act, but that first step can be very hard for some people. I’m writing a book, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life, which will offer many tips about what to do because I know how difficult it can be.

Finally, what advice do you offer to someone who is feeling lonely?

The first thing I advise is to step in front of a mirror and have a talk with yourself. You can accomplish much the same thing by journaling. Or you can turn on the camera on your phone and make a selfie video. The lonely person will discover that once he or she has shined a light on the problem, it will be much easier to deal with it.

Until you admit that you’re lonely, you’ll never be able to get over it. And it’s alright if you cry. Yes, your situation is sad but once you admit the problem you can begin to take steps to cure it.

Thank you, Dr. Ruth, for raising awareness of the loneliness epidemic and bringing not just your expertise, but also your experience to the table as we try to combat this emergency, one person at a time.

All the best,
Jim

Celebrating Amazing Moms for Valentine’s

Valentine’s – the worldwide celebration of love – is a little more than two weeks away. This year, we’re paying tribute not only to romantic love, but also motherly love.

In an upcoming Celebrations Pulse, I’ll be featuring Amazing Moms in our community. Please share the stories of your mom and how you’ll be celebrating her next month. I’ll surprise the first 10 stories with a special treat for you to share with the woman who brough you into the world.

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

The loneliness epidemic is widespread, and its impact on our well-being is staggering. According to U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, more than half of all Americans report regularly feeling lonely or isolated. And it’s having an impact on all areas of their health.

In his latest advisory “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” Dr. Murthy reported that adults lacking strong social connections experience a 29% increase in the risk of heart disease, a 32% increase in stroke risk, and a 50% jump in the risk of developing dementia.

The solution seems easy: Just reach out and connect with someone in a meaningful way. Still, the loneliness epidemic continues.

Everyone has the power to reach out to others, make connections, and help end this epidemic. But we must also recognize that many of the institutions that promoted social connection in the past have weakened, and that’s making the job of ending the loneliness epidemic all that more difficult.

A case in point: Church

Before the pandemic, an average of 34% of U.S. adults said they attended religious services at least once a week, according to a 2023 Gallup survey. From 2020 to last year, the number dipped to an all-time low of 30%. (The number was nearly 50% in the 1950s.)

The statistics suggest millions of people are no longer experiencing the benefits of religious services, which range from spiritual and behavioral guidance to social events.

I had an opportunity recently to discuss the implications of this change with New York Times columnist David Brooks, who has written extensively about his experience with loneliness and his own religious journey. He noted that all religions have a consistent set of time-tested rules:

I think the withdrawal of religion has had very negative effects. Religion teaches you the ideal – if you’re Catholic to be Christ-like, and that’s just a beautiful example to be a man who made his life about self-sacrificial love.

But churches, synagogues, and mosques have something else in common: The physical congregation. When someone dies, for example, everyone knows what to do. They gather, celebrate the life of the deceased by sharing stories, and support each other through the difficult time. David pointed out another role:

“It used to be if you were lonely or didn’t know how to deal with your friend’s depression, you would go to your clergy and say, `How do I do this?’ And your clergy would offer you advice.‘

My experience echoes David’s observations. When I was a kid, my parents would walk a few blocks to church every Sunday morning. It’d take about 10 minutes to get there but about two hours to get home. They and their friends would talk outside of church and then move to a house, where they’d drop off one of the couples. Then, they’d move to another house and say their goodbyes. The group would get progressively smaller until just my parents returned home hours later!

Our fraying social infrastructure

Religious services aren’t the only hubs of community connection that have experienced a decline in recent years.

As a young man, I spent a lot of time at the local bar – but not as a customer. It served as a gathering spot for our sports teams and a storage spot for all our gear. Like the TV show Cheers, it was a place where everyone knew your name. It made you feel whole and served as a place of connection, where people interacted with other people and, in the process, built new relationships or strengthened existing ones.

Town halls, offices, and social clubs like the Elks or the Rotary played a similar role. The infrastructure for making and keeping friends was simply more robust back then.

Today, those physical spaces of connection are nowhere near as popular, just like places of worship. And the pandemic only accelerated this sad trend: Look no further than the near-empty offices and downtowns during the workweek.

The infrastructure that helped us socialize years ago may be diminished, and that may explain the persistence of loneliness. But it doesn’t mean we can’t revitalize them or create new ones – as long as we make an effort.

Making new connections

Our world has changed immensely just over the past 10 years, and much of it has made our lives easier. I would never suggest turning back the clock, but as we move forward with our digital tools and screens, we need to be cognizant that many people are feeling less connected and lonelier as the march of technology impacts the social structures on which our communities and society were built.

I’m a big fan of the tech, but it’s important to remember its limitations. Yes, it makes certain types of connection easier, but it’s also easy to think that a “like” or a quick comment is enough to foster a meaningful relationship. Or that speaking with a person via a screen is just as powerful as conversing in person. Something is lost in the analog-to-digital translation.

The solution for some people may be to seek out churches, community events, recreational centers, or social clubs that still exist. For others – whether they’re lonely or know someone who is – the solution lies in simply reaching out and connecting beyond the “like” button. By all means, continue to interact on social media and send text messages and emails, but don’t forget to follow up with an in-person get-together whenever possible.

Amid the bells and whistles of the new age, let’s not forget that we have always been – and always will be – social creatures.

All the best,
Jim

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

As I write this letter and sneak a peek out my window, I see it’s very rainy, very windy, and overall, very dreary. The days are short, the nights are long, and the calendar says the first day of spring is still two months away. Sixty-five days, to be exact.

With holiday celebrations behind us and spring so far away, it’s not hard to understand why millions of Americans experience fatigue, social withdrawal, and depression this time of year. It’s called the winter blues or, in more severe cases, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

The gloom outside permeates our minds and affects our mental well-being. Scientists believe it’s triggered by decreased exposure to sunlight, which can disrupt circadian rhythms and affect the production of certain neurotransmitters like serotonin.

While we can’t control the sun or the weather, experts say we can take steps to counteract the effects of the winter blues. It just requires us to be mindful of what Mother Nature is doing to our bodies and using our power to stay connected and active even when it’s gray outside.

Brightening winter days

When we feel sad, it can have a domino effect on our mental and physical health, and we must be careful not to let ourselves go down the slippery slope of depression. There are ways for us to lessen the severity of the winter blues.

I combat the winter blues in a myriad of ways. I make it a point to send 10 notes to people I haven’t heard from in a while. I fine-tune my New Year’s resolutions, clean up my social list, and start making plans for spring and summer. I also listen to a lot of music, read a new book, and spend time with my seven grandchildren.

Our Connectivity Council was eager to offer advice. My friend Dr. George Everly, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, says the simplest strategy is to find a way to get outside for at least 30 minutes a day.

Take a short walk outside, eat breakfast or lunch in front of a window. Going to a pool, yoga studio, or health club may be hard, so start by walking or taking an online class for just 30 minutes a few times a week. Then increase activity each week. And watch what you eat and curtail comfort foods that are usually high in sugar which can lead to gaining weight.

He also recommends avoiding alcohol and drugs, focusing on the positive aspects of life, and letting your family and friends know that you’re feeling down so that they can help you. And, of course, consult a medical professional if you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

Another member of the Connectivity Council, Dr. Chloe Carmichael, suggests splurging on a personal training package at the gym, a massage, or private meditation or cooking lessons. “Turn the sense of pressure over a new year into a sense of opportunity for a fresh start,” says Dr. Chloe, a clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety.  

She also recommends extra sleep. “All of the emotions, relationship dynamics, and even spiritual significance through the holidays can create a natural need for a bit of winter slumber/hibernation to process all the activities of the past holiday.”

Dr. Everly suggests an often-recommended tactic that might help you feel a bit more joyful.

Winter is a great time to reach out to others through a phone call, email, or video. By staying in touch with important people in your life, it can ease the isolation we feel during the winter months.

And make plans with them to physically see one another in spring.

A season not for all of us

Even if you love winter and everything that comes along with it, there are probably people in your life who don’t feel the same way. They may reach out to you, as Dr. Everly suggests. But if they don’t, use your power to make a difference.

How? Reach out to them and share the joy you feel for the winter season. Just say you’re checking in and wanted to see what they’re up to. Schedule a time to meet and enjoy the season together. Since it is cold, why not meet for coffee, tea, or my favorite, hot cocoa? (Don’t forget the whipped cream!)

Keep in mind that SAD, which impacts approximately 10 million Americans (women are four times more likely to be diagnosed with it than men), and the winter blues are temporary. In just 65 days, we will be celebrating the arrival of spring. In the meantime, having the right mindset and seeking ways to be more active and connected might help make January, February, and the first half of March seem like a summer breeze!

All the best,
Jim

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

A week ago, many of us were singing “Auld Lang Syne,” sipping Champagne, and (hopefully) finalizing our resolutions to mark the arrival of 2024. We’re now almost a week into the new year – how are those resolutions coming along?

Sorry to say, but it’s a fact that most of you will not succeed with your resolutions, with as many as two-thirds of you abandoning your resolutions by the end of January.  Research by a fitness company even pinpoints the day (Friday, Jan. 12) when motivation begins to decline, and broken resolutions accelerate.

The abandonment of New Year’s resolutions is unfortunate. Studies show that the goals, if achieved, would indeed make us healthier and happier. After all, the top three resolutions in 2024 are improving fitness, strengthening finances, and boosting mental health, according to a recent Forbes survey.

What can we do to improve the chances of success? Experts say it comes down to four steps: taking a thoughtful and strategic approach, setting realistic goals and priorities, building a strong support system, and tracking progress.

Rethinking resolutions

In the business world, we tackle large problems by breaking them down into smaller, more digestible pieces. When our team at Harry & David sets out to create a new gift basket, it’s done by taking a lot of smaller steps like analyzing customer demand, product availability, and shipping costs – all factors that lead to the ultimate goal of developing a new product.

Personal resolutions are no different. It’s OK to set a grand end-state vision like losing 100 pounds or saving enough money to retire. But you’re not going to get there unless you take the smaller steps first, says Alexa Darrow, an Oregon-based life and mindset coach.

I feel that we often put too much pressure on ourselves with New Year’s resolutions. We seem to have a need to set unrealistic goals for ourselves, and then when we get to a place when we haven’t met these goals, we feel guilty about it.

Adjusting your resolutions isn’t admitting defeat. If you’re on the verge of giving up on your resolutions, step back and look at how you framed it. Perhaps it’s too broad, like promising yourself to visit the gym at 5 a.m. and every day. Consider adjusting it to something more realistic, like going to the gym at least once a week at any hour. Once you’re in the habit, you can add days and set earlier hours.

Alexa says that over the past few years – a period during which there has been much societal upheaval – she has changed her mindset about setting goals for both herself and her clients. “Instead of looking at goals as things I want to achieve, I look at them as things I want to manifest,” she says.

Results will take time

Our culture’s reliance on instant gratification also plays into the pressure we put on ourselves regarding resolution setting. But bigger goals take time: We need to have patience and acknowledge that success might take two or more years. In the meantime, measure success by how much progress you’ve made rather than achieving the goal itself.

What happens if you occasionally fall short? A bad day doesn’t have to set you off course and is no reason to lose confidence. You always have the power to get yourself back on track.

All the best,
Jim