Author: Rebecca Soffer

Co-founder of Modern Loss, Rebecca Soffer is the host of "Light After Loss,"1-800-Flowers.com's Facebook Live series on navigating the long arc of grief. She has been featured on CBS Sunday Morning and speaks nationally about grief and resilience. She is the coauthor of "The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience" and "Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome." She has also been widely published in The New York Times, Marie Claire, and other outlets.

4 Reasons to Consider Joining an Online Support Community

In the series “Light After Loss,” Modern Loss’s Rebecca Soffer discusses ways to navigate the long arc of grief and loss.

Let’s be honest: The internet can be a bit scary. But when it comes to building meaningful community during dark and trying times, the truth is, we can harness the digital tools at our fingertips to find some really great friends that can help us through – even if we never meet them in person.

In a recent “Light After Loss” Facebook Live episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer and Wisdo’s Director of Communities Annmarie Otis discussed the importance and power of online support communities when coping with grief, loss, and many of life’s other challenges.

Here are some key takeaways from their conversation:

Gain access to different viewpoints

A wonderful benefit of being part of a diverse group from around the world, full of various ages, credos, and orientations, who are going through similarly themed adverse situations. Members will share various specific examples of resilience, post-traumatic growth, rituals, coping mechanisms, and other creative solutions that they have developed or learned from both their experiences and cultures that you might not have ordinarily considered.

In an ideal world, we would feel comfortable enough to share our unfiltered frustrations, confessions and problems with the people in our lives. But that’s not always how it works. We may get nervous about sharing something, either IRL or on your personal social media platforms, that we fear might offend or shock someone, or make them uncomfortable. Or we may just not want to deal with any criticism that might come toward you from whatever you really want to get off your chest. Online forums allow for a level of anonymity: You can change your name if you like, completely let your guard down, and finally say the things that you’ve been desperately want to share and ask about in an unfiltered way.

Be a part of a meaningful conversation

Shy? Nervous? Want to just test the waters before posting a question or comment? One of the best parts of online peer-to-peer support is the ability to still feel like you’re a part of the community even if all you do is read. It just takes one person to share a story that’s either similar to yours or offer advice that resonates, and that’s a powerful thing.

Feel witnessed

When it comes down to it, the thing we need the most in tough times is to feel seen, have our pain acknowledged, know that there are people out there who are willing to bear witness to and legitimize what we are going through, without anyone “at least”-ing you or offering any of a variety of platitudes that don’t really help. You can be assured that what you are doing is hard, that your pain matters, and, most important, that with the right support, most likely you will find ways to move through it and live richly.

If you’re interested in trying out an online community, 1-800-Flowers.com customers receive access to eight online Connection Communities, powered by Wisdo. This is a peer-to-peer support network enabling uplifting connections with others around shared life experiences.

The communities consist of individuals seeking ways to improve their life, offering advice, and engaging with others as they navigate through life. Users can sign up on the platform to receive advice from others who have experienced what they are going through and/or to provide comfort and advice to those going through a difficult life experience. There are a variety of Connection Communities, including Coping with Loss, LGBTQ+. Caregiving, Expressing Gratitude, Loneliness, Motherhood, Relationship Advice, and Increasing Happiness.

This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversations about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.

Grief Anxiety: 6 Ways to Manage Anxiety After Loss

In the series “Light After Loss,” Modern Loss’s Rebecca Soffer discusses ways to navigate the long arc of grief and loss.

Anxiety disorders affect more than 40 million Americans each year. They’re not only the most common type of mental illness but also something that many of us grapple with after someone we love dies. And that’s not surprising. After all, when we are grieving, we feel vulnerable and confused and experience a range of emotions over which we have very little control.

But the anxiety that’s associated with grief isn’t a commonly discussed topic in our culture, which isn’t the most comfortable supporting those coping with loss, and so we are frequently taken by surprise when the symptoms arise.

In a recent “Light After Loss” Instagram Live episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer and Claire Bidwell Smith, author of “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief,” discussed strategies for coping with anxiety after loss. Here are some key takeaways of their conversation:

Remind yourself that anxiety is a normal reaction to grief

Anxiety is the mind’s response to a fearful situation and our body’s way of managing stress. Death and loss automatically set off our fear responders, putting us on alert and heightening physical sensations. It can help to remember and remind yourself that this is a very normal reaction.

Carve out some time to consider the feelings you’re experiencing

Feelings of anxiety can arise from unprocessed grief. Block off some time to really sit with yourself and notice what you’re feeling. Do you have any emotions or memories that you are avoiding out of fear or pain? If you do, consider doing some work in these areas (on your own or with the support of a professional) to ease the pressure on your accompanying anxiety.

Embrace post-traumatic growth

When psychologists study post-traumatic growth, they find that along with grief and sadness people often begin to see new possibilities and find new sources of meaning. Find ways to begin moving forward and healing. Sometimes we resist doing this because it feels as though if we choose to move forward, then it means we are letting go of our loved one. Rest assured, this will never happen. We can find ways to build a meaningful life in someone’s absence while also maintaining our relationship with them.

Write it down

Writing about your grief can be an incredibly powerful experience. The practice can help us process our feelings, release tension, and feel connected to our lost loved ones. Don’t pressure yourself to create any great works of meaning. Just get your thoughts onto the page, screen, or whatever napkin is sitting in front of you.

Connect with others

No matter the circumstances, grief is a lonely experience. There is no road map given to us as soon as we experience a loss, and this can make us understandably anxious. It can be helpful to find support from others going through their own losses. Consider reaching out to one of the many in-person or virtual grief groups, like the 1-800-Flowers Connection Communities, the Modern Loss peer-to-peer online group, or even just a friend who is willing to listen.

Know when to reach out for help

If anxious thoughts start interfering with your daily life and cause feelings of significant distress, please contact someone to help you through this stage. Finding the right fit could take a few tries, so read about some of the options available to you, from grief groups to individual counselors.

A couple at funeral holding hands consoling each other in view of the loss.