Plant, Gifting, Lifestyle & Flower Blog by 1-800-Flowers.com
Tag: Caring & Connection
While 1-800-Flowers.com is best known for our flowers and gifts, they’re just one way we help people connect. Our inspirational stories, virtual workshops, and Connections Communities celebrate many things – most of all, the healing power of togetherness.
Has this ever happened to you? You’re in a conversation with a friend, and you’re telling someone about your crappy day or your ridiculous coworker. Or maybe you’re telling them that you ate a slice of mediocre cheesecake this afternoon and boom, you’re thrown off your superficial rant.
Why? Because suddenly you’re having visions of your mother’s famous cheesecake that she made every year for a spring party. You miss that cheesecake. You miss your mother. You just got hit with a wall of emotion, and now you’re kind of teary eyed but also a little embarrassed and somewhat anxious that you might be judged for bringing that up again.
And what’s your friend supposed to do at this moment? Tell you she’s sorry? Heck no! It’s been eight years and you’re still choking up about cheesecake. What good will her telling you sorry do for you today?
What helps the most is just being a good listener. All you need in this moment is to be heard, to be understood, and to be able to experience whatever feelings you are experiencing without piling on others like shame, discomfort or awkwardness.
In times of high emotion, this little act of just listening has big, transformative powers. Simply put, a good listener doesn’t have to say much to make you feel better. In fact, a good listener barely says anything at all. If they did, they wouldn’t be listening. So how do people actually become good listeners? The good news is, it’s easy to do at any age.
There are several ways a person can work on their listening skills. Active Listening, a subset of high-level interpersonal communications skills, is particularly well known for its transformative powers. When a person engages in Active Listening, he or she is focused almost exclusively on the other person.
7 tips to become a better listener
1. Understand that this isn’t a conversation in the normal sense of the word
The person speaking should be talking 70-80% of the time. When the listener speaks, it’s usually to ask a question to draw out more of the person’s experience, or to clarify something that has been said.
2. Demonstrate genuine empathy for the other person
As they speak, imagine what they could be feeling or thinking. Pretend you are right there with them. When it’s your turn to speak, your responses will naturally mimic these complex emotions.
3. Don’t just wait to talk and blurt out something profound that you’ve been cooking up while the other person told you their sob story
This isn’t a competition about whose comment is the most insightful, sad, or meaningful. Your goal isn’t to add words to the conversation; it’s to create a supportive and caring framework for the other person to feel comfortable sharing what’s on their mind.
4. Show you really heard what the other person said
Reflect the content of their story by parroting it back to them, or by paraphrasing in your own words. If I said, “I’m sad because I don’t have her cheesecake anymore,” a good response would be, “You haven’t had your mother’s cheesecake in a long time.” It might sound plain and unadorned, but it works.
5. Pay close attention and resist the urge to check your phone or change the topic
Offer reassuring words or phrases as the other person speaks. When uttered genuinely, fillers like “mmhmm”, “OK,” and “I see” let the other person know you’re still present.
6. Try not to interrupt
Yes, we all do it sometimes, but when a person is hurting, it’s doubly rude. Just keep your comments to yourself by any means possible.
7. Be OK with long pauses
Since you’re not interrupting, and you’re letting the other person talk the majority of the time, you’ll likely feel a bit of a slower pace to the conversation. This is OK. Long pauses give the other person time to fill in the blanks, share with you more information, and process out loud the emotions inside.
Overall, a good listener makes the other person feel like they are the only one in the world; a feeling that’s rare in these days of continual sensory overload. A good listener helps the other person get to the core of what’s bothering them at that moment, so they can verbalize it and start to move forward. A good listener knows that when you’re on another one of your cheesecake tangents, the best thing to do is support you as you re-experience your deep loss fully and completely in that moment, cherry topping and all.
A version of this piece originally ran on modernloss.com.
Our series “Cultivating Compassion” explores how you can be more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others.
Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s emotions, see things from their point of view, and essentially, feel what they’re feeling. Empathetic people pick up on other’s emotions and act accordingly. They have empathy for families and groups of people as well as individuals.
Interestingly, being empathetic strengthens relationships. “Becoming more empathetic is the ability to step outside of one’s own shoes, figuratively, and into another’s,” says Sarah DeCato, a home care and hospice community liaison nurse.
Being empathetic not only offers long-term benefits that contribute to a full life but influences others to develop empathy too. Below are five ways you can be more empathetic to yourself and others.
Explore acceptance
Acceptance begins by realizing you may never fully understand what someone else is experiencing, be it pain or overwhelming emotions. Exploring acceptance means being able to hear someone else’s story without judgment, even if that person is distressed due to health problems, finances, a relationship, or feelings caused by trauma.
“The biggest barrier to empathy is emotional discomfort,” says Dr. Karen Barrett, a professor of rehabilitation services. “Often, as humans, we see pain as something that needs to be fixed rather than just experiencing it.” She says that if people realize that pain is part of the human experience, we’d be better prepared to support one another with true empathy.
Thus, the first step to exploring acceptance is to become more aware and accepting of our own vulnerabilities. That includes our level of self-esteem, our emotions, and our place in the world. Then, as we hope that our emotional needs will be accepted by others, we become more present to what they’re going through. This happens due to our becoming intentionally self-empathetic.
Practice self-empathy
The practice of self-empathy kindles greater self-awareness, just as it supports our ability to be sensitive to other people’s needs. The development of self-empathy promotes empathy for others without projecting our own feelings. This happens when we observe and are present to our circumstances, emotions, and responses to the world around us.
Tips for practicing self-empathy include:
Being open to what you are experiencing without judgment about your feelings
Reflecting on what it is like to be misunderstood or not heard
Realize that pain and failure are normal parts of the human experience, and we should support one another through those times
As you take these steps, you’re likely to become gentler with yourself and others. This is because your heart is opening and ready to be present to their journeys.
Open your heart
Your response to the suggestion to open your heart might be that you already do so, and that may be the case. Yet many of us spend a lot of time in our heads, thinking, planning, and responding to others. We can get caught up in judging ourselves and others based on social or personal opinions and biases, and this results in us being less accepting of other peoples’ emotional ups and downs.
An open heart can witness and empathize with someone else’s life trials. Basic ways to open your heart empathetically include:
Taking a few deep, focused breaths to slow your thoughts
Recalling how you felt when someone fully heard your story
Thinking of something you’d like to share with others, such as a sunset, music, or an act of kindness you witnessed.
Engage in conscious listening
Conscious listening — also called active, deep, or mindful listening — involves being with someone else so that that person feels they have truly been heard. It means quieting your mind and being fully present to someone’s story. This is conveyed through thoughtful use of facial expressions and repeating back what’s been said.
Sarah describes one key element of conscious listening. “It’s the silence that exists between communication transitions that allow for reflection and an understanding of practicing empathy,” she says. “This transition can include body language, such as eye contact and touch.” When you deeply listen to someone else’s needs, you can become more attuned to which caring actions will be most meaningful for that person.
Carry out caring actions
Being empathetic and accepting of other people’s situations can include actions as well as words. “Empathy doesn’t need to be practiced only when another is in the same physical space,” Sarah says. “Letting someone know you’re thinking of them, though they may be miles away, is just as important. This can be a simple phone call, a video chat, a social media message, a handwritten note, or a flower delivery.” Any of these can share special words and touches that make a person feel heard and accepted.
Part of learning to be more empathetic is being aware of how what we are doing — and who we are becoming — contributes to us as individuals and the world around us. “Instilling in our younger generations the importance of caring for others through the understanding of empathy is a lesson that can carry into adulthood,” Sarah says. Empathy is one of the most important aspects of creating strong relationships, enhancing emotional awareness, and learning to relate to other people and their experiences. And, perhaps, most importantly? We are all capable of getting better at it.
Empathy gifts to show you care
We can all use a little more kindness in the world. Shop our empathy gifts collection for empathetic gifts to let your friends and family know you’re thinking of them.
Our series “Cultivating Compassion” explores how you can be more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others.
We all want our loved ones to know that we care for them. Something deep within us — an innate need in our human experience — drives us to demonstrate connection, caring, and love.
While we strive to show the people we care about how we feel about them each and every day, sometimes doing something just a little bit special or slightly out of the norm can help us truly communicate what’s in our hearts.
According to Kristina Lujan, marriage and family therapist at Wolfe Counseling, this connection is part of who we are. And, often, this means connecting and caring in small yet deeply impactful ways.
“We are hardwired to attach,” she says. “This means being seen. Noticing when someone goes out of their way or, conversely, is particularly impacted by something painful — it is important to come beside them and just show them we notice, that we care.”
We are hardwired to attach.
Kristina Lujan
Marriage and Family Therapist
Wolfe Counseling
In other words, simply being there is one of the best gifts we can give our loved ones. A grand gesture is not always required.
Kristina says there are lots of opportunities for contact, comfort, and connection when showing our feelings, even if that means expressing sadness and fear. “Going through these emotions together helps us to weather storms and connect on a deep level — when times are good and when life gets hard.”
When you want to show your feelings for a loved one, a simple gesture can speak volumes. Here are eight ways you can demonstrate to those special people in your life how much you care.
Make something by hand
If you show how much you care through gift-giving, consider going a step further and making a gift by hand. Handmade gifts can be as elaborate or simple as you see fit. From handwritten notes to a complex item that shows off your skillful crafting ability, handmade gifts are a personal and meaningful way to express your feelings.
Give from the heart
Not all gifts have to be handmade to be special. You can show your loved ones how much you care by listening to your heart and selecting a thoughtful gift to give them. And remember: While such gifts can be tangible, they don’t have to be. In other words, don’t put pressure on yourself to buy something; instead, choose a gift that says what you want it to say, regardless of price.
Participate in their passions
What drives your loved ones? What consumes their free time and brings smiles to their faces?
One of the kindest, most caring things you can do to show your loved ones how you feel is to participate in their passions. This does not necessarily mean you should attempt a marathon with them or force yourself to do things you don’t like. Rather, it means to show interest in their interests.
Whether it’s listening to their passionate rants, doing a bit of research so you can talk about a topic they care deeply about, or even trying something new so you can actively enjoy their passion with them, the effort you put forth to connect with them will say a lot.
Be there through thick and thin
Truly caring about your loved ones means celebrating their high moments and successes with them, but it also means being there for them through their failures and struggles.
Supporting and uplifting your loved ones through the good times and bad is key to demonstrating that you truly care about them, no matter the circumstances.
Always show respect
Showing respect is showing that you care. And respect isn’t just a one-time gesture. In fact, you can show your loved ones that you respect them all the time and in every context.
Whether it’s respecting their time, priorities, goals, boundaries, or something else entirely, a surefire way to demonstrate that you love and care for someone is by consistently showing them respect.
Put them first
Being self-aware and selfless enough to put your loved ones first is more challenging than it sounds, and that’s saying something. Whether it’s considering what they’re going through or helping them reach their potential, your efforts will not go unnoticed, and they will know without a doubt that you truly care for them.
Cook something homemade
Nothing speaks to the heart quite like food. It’s why we gather around the table with loved ones, refer to certain dishes as comfort foods, and center some of our dearest memories around meals.
Cooking up something homemade for your loved ones — regardless of whether it’s a special occasion — demonstrates that you care for them. From making one of their favorite dinners to baking a delicious dessert, few things express love like a thoughtfully crafted dish.
If you’re not confident in your chef skills, you can still use food to express yourself. Bringing home takeout or ordering delivery is an especially thoughtful gesture, especially if your loved one has had a busy or stressful day.
Let love guide you
While following your heart is always a good idea, speaking in the love “languages” — acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gifts — can communicate your feelings just as well.
You and your loved ones can complete a questionnaire that enlightens you about your love languages. If you know your loved ones’ languages, you can then use that knowledge to show them you care in personalized ways.
Whether your loved ones enjoy receiving gifts or simply want to spend some one-on-one time with you, catering to what they want rather than what you think they may want will help you express your love and caring more effectively.
Even the smallest act of kindness and generosity can speak volumes, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to select the perfect gift or make the grandest gesture. Instead, give from the heart. Your loved ones will recognize your efforts and truly appreciate that you care for them.
Explore the ways in which people care for each other in the series “How We Care.” In this article, we examine therapeutic memory gardens and how plants, flowers, and nature are helping people with dementia.
The sweet scents and delicate blossoms of flowers on a wedding day. Vibrant greenery as the backdrop for a stroll through a forest on a lazy summer afternoon. The coarseness of earth slipping through fingers while gardening on a warm spring day. Over the course of a lifetime, we experience millions of interactions with flowers, plants, and nature.
Reminders of these little experiences bring back emotions for people in the autumn of their lives. Caretakers of people struggling with cognitive impairments, Alzheimer’s disease, and dementia increasingly use flowers, plants, and gardens to evoke memories of past events or feelings.
Researchers have found that nonpharmaceutical treatments such as therapeutic gardens, many also including active horticultural therapy, improve emotional well-being and alleviate agitation, physical aggression, and disruptive behavior, without side effects. In addition, gardens can be incorporated into daily activities and woven into the living environments.
“The main idea is to design the therapeutic landscape that will help residents interact with nature and enhance their quality of life,” says Beth Couet, a certified landscaper designer who designed a therapeutic memory garden at Rosewood Manor, a senior care residence in Harwich on Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
How do therapeutic memory gardens work?
Therapeutic memory gardens tap into our hardwired instinct and life-long desire to be amid nature, plants, nature, says John Zeisel, Ph.D., author of I’m Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer’s Care. A sociologist with a background in design, Zeisel champions so-called “ecopsychosocial” interventions in dementia care.
The main idea is to design the therapeutic landscape that will help residents interact with nature and enhance their quality of life.
Beth Couet
Certified Landscape Designer
“Access to outdoors is vital,” Zeisel says, stressing the therapeutic effect of combining nature, time, and memories all in one place. “It is in our nature to be outside. In a sense, it’s a human right.”
Zeisel points people planning therapeutic gardens to archival flower catalogues from the decades when residents were growing up. “Find out what was popular then, and plant old-fashioned flowers that promote memories,” he says.
“Outdoor space has to be seen as one more common area — it just doesn’t have a roof on it,” Zeisel says. “Landscape architecture must be brought in at the beginning of every project: The garden may be dessert, but it’s an integral part of the full meal.”
Planning a memory garden at Rosewood
Rosewood Manor, a former sea captain’s house on Cape Cod, has 33 beds. The average age of the people who live there is mid-90s. The garden project got its start when Couet approached the manor’s administrator, Jan Epstein, with an idea to build a therapeutic memory garden.
Couet was inspired by professional and personal reasons. She studied at the Landscape Institute in Boston, which is part of Boston Architectural College. She graduated in 2013, and her thesis was on therapeutic gardens for people with memory impairments.
But she also had personal reasons to propose the project.
“My mom and grandma had Alzheimer’s, and I decided to do the project because of them,” Couet explains. “I’m glad I did.” They were the inspiration for Couet’s work, and she sees her garden at Rosewood Manor as part of their legacy.
Epstein was quick to agree to Couet’s idea. Many of the residents have fond memories of gardening and flowers, and Epstein was delighted that Couet could help her keep that connection alive.
“Beth reached out with a wonderful idea and spent a lot of time at Rosewood Manor gathering information about what the residents and staff wanted,” Epstein says. For her part, she consulted with the company that oversees Rosewood Manor and navigated the corporate paperwork to get approval for the project, securing the funding in 2014.
Memories of flowers
Couet kept the importance of flower memories in mind as she designed Rosewood’s garden. In planning it, she chose colorful and fragrant flowers — such as old-fashioned roses, lilac, lavender — as Zeisel recommends, and herbs that residents can brush against as they walk to engage the senses and recall happy times from the past.
“When I spoke with the residents, I talked to a woman who said that when she was getting married, she had no money for flowers for a bouquet,” Couet remembers. “The morning of the wedding, a neighbor brought a big bunch of lilacs for her to carry.” Couet made sure to plant lilacs in the garden.
A memory garden serves multiple needs
Therapeutic gardens rely on both architectural and landscape principles and psychological strategies to create the optimal experience for people with dementia or other memory-related conditions.
Couet initially thought about putting the garden in the front lawn because there’s a good-size space, but it’s also noisy from the street, and she wanted it to be a peaceful, calming place for residents and their families. She says she drew her design inspiration from Clare Cooper Marcus’s Therapeutic Landscapes: An Evidence-Based Approach to Designing Healing Gardens and Restorative Outdoor Spaces, and The Healing Landscape: Therapeutic Outdoor Environments, by Martha Tyson.
“People with memory impairments can find it difficult to navigate and may become disoriented,” Couet says. To combat this, she knew it was important to have a single path with a garden entrance that is immediately clear from the door of the residence. Couet also installed landmarks in the garden: She attached an old bicycle painted Cape Cod blue to the side of the building, and she also added a “totem pole” with greeting signs on it from her own yard. “There’s an antique plow and bird feeders to give the residents clues to where they are in the garden as well,” she explains, tipping her hat to Clare Cooper Marcus’s ideas.
Couet asked the Rosewood maintenance department to install raised flower beds to make it easier for residents to garden and a workbench where they can tinker with projects. “They can help pot annuals or pull out weeds, according to their physical abilities,” she says.
A community project
The residents are always in the garden with a staff member or relative, and the design includes places where people in wheelchairs can sit while leaving plenty of room for others to walk past. Easy, nonconfusing circulation is vital.
How things in the environment touch our spirit is very important.
John Zeisel, Ph.D.
Author
I’m Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer’s Care
Couet used Cooper Marcus’s recommendation to put furniture and benches in the garden: “I added a little table and chairs that families can move to suit their configuration and make it more personal,” she says.
The Rosewood garden has been a community project from day one. “We had a day when current and former families came to help plant, which was incredible,” Epstein says. “Some wanted to purchase a rosebush or another plant in the name of a loved one, too.” Everyone mucked in, digging, planting, and spreading mulch.
The garden is planted so residents can see the changes of the season through the plants and there is always something new and colorful to look at. Couet even planted narrow pines that can have holiday lights hung on them.
Quiet relaxation for residents and visitors
All of the design elements come together to make the therapeutic garden a special space where people can be apart but still within their community. “It’s a very peaceful, peaceful place,” Epstein says. “People really enjoy it, and the families love it. Some residents can express their enjoyment of it, and it certainly is a wonderful environment for them.”
She can’t pick out a favorite element of the therapeutic garden — and she says it’s probably different for everyone — but she did enjoy the cranberry harvest festival they celebrated out there with families. “We had games, prizes, different foods,” Epstein recalls. “One resident used to grow cranberries, so his family donated cranberries and we made baked goods with them.”
The residents also love keeping an eye on the vegetable garden, though the staff do the work there. “They watch as the cook goes out to the garden and comes back with a bowl of delicious ripe tomatoes,” Epstein says. “They love knowing they’ll be eating them for their next meal.” The garden also grows cucumbers, herbs, and squash, among other crops.
Thriving with the garden
Zeisel always encourages interaction with gardens, making them a true experience. “Rosewood Manor could create a gardening club, for example,” he suggests. “In winter, residents could plant seeds in pots inside marked with a date for planting to reinforce time.”
In line with his philosophy that being able to be outdoors is a human right, he says: “The garden is a place for celebrating, meeting with families, and enjoying sunshine. The beauty that will surely be there is as important as the therapeutic design — how things in the environment touch our spirit is very important.”
Written by our Founder and CEO, our Celebrations Pulse Sunday Letters aim to engage with our community. From sharing stories to welcoming your ideas, we want to help you to express, connect, and celebrate the important people in your life.
We celebrated National Caregivers Day last Friday, and we didn’t want the moment to go by without acknowledging the wonderful community of people who are caregivers, some in our own lives. They are unsung heroes and verifiable lifesavers.
Since the start of the pandemic, we have all been reminded about the enormous impact of first responders, the heroic caregivers who deliver urgent medical care. They see so much pain and suffering, which makes them truly remarkable human beings.
Caregivers come in many other forms. They are neighbors, parents, children, partners, friends, and even strangers – professional or community-based – who give of themselves to help those in need.
There are approximately 43.5 million caregivers just in the U.S. today. More than one in five Americans are caregivers, having provided care to an adult or child with special needs at some time in the past 12 months.
Why sharing is caring
Caregivers share a piece of their lives and their time to lend a helping hand to those in need. Our lives are defined by a limited amount of time, and once it passes, there’s no getting it back. That’s why time is the most precious gift that anyone can give.
Our friends at Harry & David recognize this fact with their simple mantra, “Life is a gift. Share more.” And it’s one of the reasons they’re embracing the support and appreciation of caregivers while providing useful information for those providing and receiving care.
We’re constantly reminded that Harry & David and our other brands serve the caring community. This is especially evident in the thousands of messages that accompany our deliveries. People send flower arrangements and fruit baskets to express their gratitude to those who have gone the extra mile, while others provide care by ordering everything from prepared meals to sweet treats to lift the spirits of people they care for.
Our community is indeed a caring one. We’re humbled by the fact that people choose our brands to express their love for others and to connect with all the people in their lives, including caregivers and those in need of care.
Stories of caregivers
In sharing their lives, caregivers provide indomitable acts of love, developing unique and special bonds with those under their care. Here are a few of the stories of caregivers in our community.
Carl and Denver
Carl was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease later in life, which greatly affected his mobility, especially with his hands. He had always loved playing checkers and chess. Soon after his caretaker Denver learned this, he began bringing in a checker set with each visit he paid to Carl. The two became formidable opponents and played for hours at a time. The two would unwind with checkers, sharing stories and laughter as Denver patiently listened and played with Carl.
As Carl’s Parkinson’s progressed, the lively chatter and laughter slowly dwindled to gentle, warm glances and smiles. Yet, the joy the two found in the activity remained. The hours Carl and Denver spent playing checkers were some of the happiest moments for both.
Ann and Ruth
Sometimes, caregivers are family and must balance providing care with managing their own lives and families. Ann lost her husband at the age of 33, leaving her with three pre-teens. Tragically, Ann’s sister-in-law, Ruth, was diagnosed with inoperable cancer two months after Ann’s husband died.
Despite her own grief and responsibilities at home, Ann became her sister-in-law’s caregiver, making the short drive to Ruth’s home each morning after the kids left for school. Ann returned home to be there for her kids to greet them when they got off their school bus. Each night, Ann would provide an update to her kids about their favorite aunt.
One night, Ann came home and told the kids that Aunt Ruth was near death and that she would take them the next morning to say goodbye. Ruth died shortly after the tearful meeting. Ann’s devotion to Ruth was a lesson in love, and something the children have never forgotten.
Mark and Pam
For some adult children, caregiving is a continuous process as the various elderly family members start to age. Over the past decade, Mark and his wife Pam directed the care of three family members in their 90s: Mark’s Aunt Selma, who had been crippled by an accident and developed dementia; his father, Hal, who had Alzheimer’s, and Pam’s mother Freddie, who became blind and increasingly frail and sickly. They died, respectively, at 93, 98 and 100 years old.
As they took care of them one by one, Mark and Pam already had their hands full with jobs and two sons who had their own struggles. While they both considered it a privilege to give back to their loved ones, it was all-encompassing. The combined responsibilities ended up dominating their lives.
“When you’re devoted to the care of your significant others, it very often leaves little time for yourself,” notes Gillian Leithman, Ph.D., a retirement specialist whose clients are often charged with taking care of their elders. “This can cause great stress because there are such limitations on your ability to rejuvenate and recharge.”
Our caregiver community
We know there are so many wonderful stories of caregiving, and we also know that caregivers could benefit from the support of one another. Caregivers can turn to our Caregiving Connection Community, a safe haven for family caregivers to meet others in their situation as well as seek tools and strategies.
“When you’re going through these challenges, you need to know you’re not alone, and Wisdo works hard to give you a safe, nonjudgmental place to say, ‘This is really difficult,’ or ‘I need a day off,’ and hear back from peers who won’t take issue with you,” Dr. Leithman says.
There’s great healing in knowing somebody else feels the way you feel or is struggling with the same issues you’re struggling with – somebody who can say, “I hear you. I get it. Tell me more. What can I do to help?”
There are some interesting experiments where people are being paid to be caregivers to family members in need. That strikes us as an interesting path to explore, and much more in keeping with the responsibilities within the extended family. We think there are some great opportunities for innovation in institutionalized care.
To all the wonderful caregivers out there, we salute you, we appreciate you, and we honor you and all the hard work you do to make the lives of others more comfortable.
Written by our Founder and CEO, our Celebrations Pulse Sunday Letters aim to engage with our community. From sharing stories to welcoming your ideas, we want to help you to express, connect, and celebrate the important people in your life.
Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s emotions, see things from their point of view, and essentially feel what they’re feeling. Empathetic people pick up on other’s emotions and act accordingly.
Interestingly, being empathetic strengthens relationships. “Becoming more empathetic is the ability to step outside of one’s own shoes, figuratively, and into another’s,” says Sarah DeCato, a home care nurse and hospice community liaison. When you do so, you forge a stronger connection, she adds.
Selfless people are motivated to share their time, themselves, and their thoughtfulness. Sometimes, their acts are referred to simply as doing good deeds or engaging in random acts of kindness. We like to think of their actions as people working to strengthen their empathy muscles.
In our busy lives, we often forget that some in our community, particularly the elderly, lonely, and disadvantaged might need an occasional hand of help to make their lives a bit easier. Everyone should think about how they can strengthen their empathy muscles.
Shoveling snow instead of training
We saw a story in late January about a suburban Pittsburgh high school coach who had to cancel his football team’s weightlifting session because of a winter storm. The coach got creative and tweeted to his team that instead of going to school to work out, he wanted his players to “find an elderly or disabled neighbor and shovel their driveway. Don’t accept any money — that’s our Monday workout.”
Forty teens shoveled snow, including one 16-year-old who spent seven hours clearing two driveways, and when he was finished, volunteered at a spaghetti dinner for homeless veterans. Lending a hand, he said, “makes me feel like a part of something bigger than myself.”
The gift of caring
Atiq Lucas was a star football player at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York. Day after day, he noticed a young man with a disability who was sitting alone in the school’s cafeteria. Atiq pulled up a seat and got to know him. He was a stranger no more. The next day, Atiq invited the young man to sit with the entire football team to share a meal.
As a result of Atiq’s compassion and social standing, the young man was embraced by the team and became something of a team mascot. He traveled with the players and kept statistics for the team while he watched games from the team’s bench. Atiq’s empathy and generosity changed this young man’s life!
Jim heard about Atiq’s story and knew this was exactly the type of person who would be a fit with the 1-800-FLOWERS team. Atiq continues to have a mentee-mentor relationship with Jim even though he moved to another company.
Atiq’s and the Pittsburgh high school’s stories are real-life examples of people building their empathy muscles.
Caring for our co-workers
We’re lucky to be surrounded by empathetic people. Every day, our customers express their empathy for others by buying gifts for their friends and loved ones. We also see acts of empathy across our company.
One of our long-time employees, Bibi, who has been at the 1-800-FLOWERS for over 30 years told Jim a story about her team that speaks to the power of empathy, not to mention the strong relationships formed at work.
Amy had become virtual friends with Mary, another customer service representative who lives in Colorado. Amy, who lived and worked in British Columbia, revealed that she needed to undergo surgery, but as a single mother, she had no way of taking care of her kids during her recovery.
To Amy’s surprise, her new friend, Mary, took a week off from work and helped Amy through her recovery.
Use Your Power
We all have the power to impact how someone feels and can make their day by sharing our time, ourselves and our thoughtfulness. Small gestures of kindness multiply and spread more kindness in the world.
