What to Say When Someone Is Grieving
Knowing what to say when someone is grieving isn’t simple, but thoughtful words and small acts of kindness can bring real comfort.
Oct 12, 2025
Written by our Founder and Chairman, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.
We’ve all been there. You get word that someone you care about is grieving. You want to ease their pain or at least let them know you’re thinking of them. But, too often, we hold back, afraid of saying the wrong thing or coming across as intrusive.
In those moments, the right words rarely come easily. That hesitation is understandable: Grief is one of the most difficult emotions to confront. Still, silence can make someone feel even more alone, no matter how physically close you are.
Over the years, friends and colleagues have asked me what to say or do when someone is mourning. My advice is always the same: Keep it simple. A kind word or a brief expression of condolence can go a long way toward letting them know you’re there for them.
You don’t need to find the perfect words. In fact, there might not be any. But showing empathy, humility, and care is enough. Even if the person who is grieving doesn’t respond right away, your gesture will be felt.
What not to say — and why it matters
There may be no perfect words in this situation, but some are better than others. Certain phrases, though well-meaning, can land the wrong way. Expressions like “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place” may sound reassuring on the surface, but to someone deep in sorrow, they can feel dismissive or minimizing.
As hospital chaplain Rev. Christine V. Davies explains in a recent article on Harry & David’s The Table:
“It’s a compassionate instinct, but one that falls short because in this situation, there is nothing we can do or say that will lessen the impact of their grief.”
Dr. Terri Daniel, a hospice educator, added that any comment that tries to minimize pain can sometimes do more harm than good.
Sentences that begin with “At least,” such as “At least you had time together” or “At least they’re not suffering,” can unintentionally suggest that the person should be feeling grateful, rather than heartbroken. And comparisons like “When my father passed…” can make someone feel as if their grief is being measured or corrected.
Put simply, grief needs to be acknowledged, not fixed. Every loss is shaped by the unique nature of the relationship behind it. That’s why unsolicited advice like “You should go to therapy” or “Just try to stay busy” can backfire, even if it’s meant with love.
Simple gestures that bring comfort
Stumbling over our words is part of being human. But what matters most isn’t getting it exactly right but rather being present and sincere. Social worker Sarah Rollins, for instance, encourages honesty and simplicity:
“You can just say, ‘There are no words for how hard this is, and I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.’”
She also reminds us that practical help can go a long way. Grief often makes even the smallest decisions feel overwhelming. Offering to take care of a daily task, like dropping off a meal or helping with errands, can ease that burden more than you might realize.
And it’s important to remember that grief doesn’t end with the funeral. In many ways, the hardest days come after everyone else returns to their routines. Anniversaries, birthdays, the holidays, even an ordinary Tuesday, can bring that heartache flooding back.
James, a member of the Celebrations Pulse community, told me he’s always mindful of the anniversary of his father’s death. That’s why he keeps track of when his friends’ parents passed away, and on those anniversaries, he sends a simple note that says, “I’m thinking of you.” He adds:
“I can’t tell you how many of them respond by saying, ‘You’re the only one who remembers,’ or, ‘You always remember.’ That’s because I know how it feels.”
The smallest acts of kindness often leave the deepest imprint. We may not always know what to say, but when we lead with empathy, we can never go wrong.
All the best,
Jim
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AUTHOR
Jim McCann is the founder and chairman of 1-800-FLOWERS.COM, Inc. as well as a business leader, author, and philanthropist with a passion for helping people deliver smiles. Devoted to helping others, he also founded Smile Farms, a 501(c)3 organization that provides meaningful jobs in agricultural settings to young adults and adults with developmental disabilities.
