Marry Me! Four Couples Share Their Marriage Proposal Stories

Get ready to be inspired! In our series, “Your Trusted Cupid,” we feature thoughtful gestures to memorable date night ideas. In this piece, read about the marriage proposal stories of four couples that will hopefully inspire your relationship.

A marriage proposal is more than getting down on a knee and snapping open a velvet-lined box to present a ring you paid two months of your salary for. Asking your loved one to spend your life together as a married couple is an unforgettable event that should include a thoughtful mix of romantic and intimate details. Here, we share four stories of inspirational marriage proposals.

An unexpected holiday bonus

As the mastermind behind refurbishing homes by starring on HGTV’s Hidden Potential and HELP! I Wrecked My House, Jasmine Roth knows about planning details that achieve spectacular results. Little did she know that the tables would be turned when her then-boyfriend, Brett Roth, created the script of their memorable marriage proposal.

This marriage proposal story begins on Christmas Eve back in 2011, and Jasmine recalls how strange Brett had been acting. When he woke her up early Christmas morning to go outside, Jasmine became extra bothered.

In the holiday spirit, she pulled herself out of bed and walked outside. As her eyes adjusted to the bright morning light, she had to shake herself into belief at the sight of a bright yellow vintage Vespa parked where her car should have been.

“No way, this is the coolest!” she yelled, causing their neighbors to watch over the event from their balconies. While she ogled the Vespa, her eyes narrowed to something sparkling under the seat. There, hanging from the keyring, was a diamond ring. Roth shouted, “What?!” and asked if he was serious, crying so much that her nose bled.

“That’s right, leave it to me to ruin what should have been the most romantic moment of my life with a nosebleed,” she says. “Brett rushed over to me, and we had to go inside and stop the bloody nose while I laughed and cried at the same time. Then we went back outside, and he got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him.”

There, clad in pajamas in the driveway with the neighbors overhead as witnesses, Jasmine Roth said yes. “We went inside and called our families, but not before we snapped a photo on the Vespa with the ring on my finger,” she says.

A couple’s greatest hit

Jason Stahl, the editor of Harry & David’s The Table, was inspired by the big screen when he created his proposal to his wife Theresa. Err, sort of.

“We were going to see Super Diamond, which is a Neil Diamond cover band. I always laughed at seeing public proposals on the Jumbotron at sporting events, but thought this one would be less embarrassing,” he recalls. Stahl reached out to the band’s manager, who confirmed that such proposals happened quite frequently at Super Diamond concerts. Stahl gave the manager their names, Theresa’s favorite Neil Diamond song, “Holly Holy,” and secured the ring, which was designed by a close friend. At the dinner beforehand, Stahl struggled to eat his meal and felt uneasy carrying around such an expensive ring.

They arrived at the concert in New York City’s Gramercy Theatre, and Stahl prevented Theresa from hugging him from behind for fear she’d feel the ring box in his sports coat. “I played it cool, saying I was still battling a cold from earlier in the week and didn’t want to be touched,” he says.

“An hour into the show, the lead singer stopped the music and started calling my name – he was supposed to call her name. Theresa heard it and wondered what was happening,” he recalls. “I waved to the stage acknowledging my cue. I reached into my jacket pocket, turned to her, dropped to my knee, and said, ‘I want you to be my diamond girl forever.’”

Now euphoric, his fiancée responded with an emphatic yes, which was almost enough for Stahl to forget to slide the ring on her finger. Upon the consummate kiss, they danced to “Holly Holy.”

Timing isn’t always everything with marriage proposals

Being stranded in an airport on Jan. 30, 2020, could not be more inopportune for Alberto Mihelcic-Bazzana. It was one of the only times he was separated from his boyfriend, Francesco Clark, who is the founder of Clark’s Botanicals skincare. He called Clark to say that he did not want to cancel their dinner plans for the following evening. Unbeknownst to his boyfriend, Mihelcic-Bazzana intended to propose.

The delay happened due to four consecutive canceled flights from Alberta, Canada, to New York. (Mihelcic-Bazzana works in finance and sustainable energy and was in Canada for business.) He spent his time in the airport following flight updates and watching the news with talk about this new coronavirus.

Mihelcic-Bazzana’s inner turmoil mounted because the proposal needed to happen on Jan. 31, which is the birthday of Franz Schubert, his favorite composer. (Mihelcic-Bazzana is also a former professional cello player.) Adding to the tension, he awoke from a nap in the lounge and couldn’t find the handmade petrified engagement rings he had designed for Clark and himself. In a frantic search, he found the rings in another seat.

The flight departed with enough time for him to return home and take a shower, go to work, and meet Clark at a restaurant the couple had never been to. During the meal, Mihelcic-Bazzana explained how that day was important to him not only because of Schubert’s birthday, but because he was with the person he wanted to spend his life with. As he said this, he presented the rings. “We spent the rest of the unusually warm night laughing and talking as we strolled through Central Park. I am very lucky,” Clark says.

Oh what a ride

Early in their relationship, financial adviser Daniel Fleming took his girlfriend, marketing manager Alysha Rene Fleming, to a jewelry store and asked what kind of ring she would like. For years after that reconnaissance trip, engagement rings and marriage were not discussed. “I suppose it was just kind of known it would happen one day.”

All of that changed on a chilly February day. Alysha was enjoying a day of binge-watching “Top Chef.” Daniel returned to their home after taking their dog for a walk. He asked if she’d be interested in going on a gondola ride. Her initial thought was that they lived in San Diego, not Venice, but soon discovered gondola rides were offered at the nearby Hotel Del Coronado. Alysha felt unmotivated until thoughts of wine and fresh air enticed her. “Since Daniel is always planning romantic outings, trips, buying flowers, and gifts, I thought nothing of this,” she says.

At the gondolas, she was preoccupied with taking Snapchat videos. Once they were on the boat, Alysha felt so in the moment, she shared with Daniel how romantic the evening was and they didn’t need to be married. She was happy. “We just have something really special. Marriage doesn’t define it for me,” she says. When the ride ended, she suggested going out for a casual dinner. Daniel recommended the hotel restaurant, which she had always wanted to try.

Inside, he detoured from the restaurant and headed toward the hotel’s front desk, pretending they had a room. Alysha protested. She chided him on the silliness of it all, but he ignored her. The clerk interrupted their banter to say their room was ready. In shock, she assumed it was an early Valentine’s Day surprise.

“We had talked about Valentine’s Day the week prior and how much I love the holiday, how we’ve never really done anything big for it,” she says. Still unaware of any idea of a proposal, Alysha realized they had no clothes, and their dog needed to be cared for. Daniel assured her that he had it covered.

Alysha returned to Snapchat, where her friend, the same person who predicted that Daniel would be her husband messaged, said a proposal was imminent. When they reached their room, Daniel asked Alysha to open the door, which further confounded her. Upon entry, she discovered a path made of rose petals. She still thought it was part of a Valentine’s Day surprise. Daniel instructed her to follow the path, which led to “Will You Marry Me?” written in rose petals on the bed.

“I drop my phone and purse on the floor and turn to Daniel, and he’s on one knee and asked me to marry him. Jason Mraz is playing in the background,” she says. There was champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and roses on the desk. The moment couldn’t be more perfect.

Marriage Proposal Ideas That Will Guarantee a ‘Yes’

We’re headed into wedding season, and if you want to join the matrimonial roster, it’s time to polish your proposal plan. Proposals are an opportunity to reenact a fairytale moment that ranks as one of life’s most cherished occasions. There’s a lot of pressure, and a proposal is not something you want to bungle. Taking the time to craft your marriage proposal ideas signifies your desire to start married life with sincerity.

For those considering proposing to someone, here is advice from experts for making a marriage proposal that will inspire.

Consider three key goals in marriage proposal ideas

One idea is to plot a slow build where you know it’s coming and anticipation builds through the event.

Dr. Chloe Carmichael

Clinical psychologist

Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist and author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety,” offers marriage proposal ideas that connect three core goals. The first goal is obvious: secure a commitment to marry. Second, figure out what the commitment of marriage means to you. And third, understand why you want to marry your partner.

“Think of those three key things that you want to convey in the proposal,” Carmichael says. “You want to savor and take pleasure saying those things that will memorialize this moment.”

Proper planning

When creating a proposal, take the time to create a script so it’s well thought out versus a rambled delivery. “I do think it’s helpful to think about how you do it,” Carmichael says. Will the proposal be a surprise? Dramatic? Or more low-key. Consider your loved one, who may be more excited about the element of surprise over a more formal, inclusive proposal. Since every person is different, thoughtful planning will help make the occasion meet romantic expectations.

“One idea is to plot a slow build where you know it’s coming and anticipation builds through the event.” Carmichael says. “For instance, if you book a dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town and there are champagne glasses and flowers, the woman has an idea that something is up, so there is a lot of excitement building at this dinner.”

Recognize every couple is different

Dr. Betsy Chung, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes that couples have different dynamics, so the most important consideration is for the person proposing to understand and respect the needs of their partner. “The way that a person delivers their proposal is important because it represents many things: how attuned the proposer is to the needs of their partner and how serious they are about starting a new chapter with their partner,” she says.

Do some homework

Chung suggests doing some research before you pop the question. Gather information based on what you know about your partner’s preferences, and, if possible, ask for feedback from their close friends and family. “Based on that information, you can begin thinking about location setting, a small speech that addresses how special the relationship is to you, and when,” she says.

Don’t stress if it doesn’t go as planned

Keep in mind that the proposal may go off script. Anything from poor weather to dealing with moods caused by a bad day could spoil the original plan. This is an introductory lesson to married life.

“It is important that when you are on a journey together, you are embarking on sharing a life with all of its foibles and imperfections,” Carmichael says. “Even if you forget your words, your mind blanks, remember that you are with your future spouse, and they are not going to base their decision on these 15 minutes.”

The end game of a proposal is marriage, and that is enough excitement to make up for a botched proposal, Carmichael says. Sure, you want to create a magical moment, but if every detail does not go as planned, the relationship and marriage are bigger than the proposal.

Stuck on ‘Roses Are Red’? We Asked an Expert for Valentine’s Day Poetry Tips

Love may be a universal language – but how can you be sure your partner is understanding you? In the Language of Love, we explore how to prevent your expression from getting lost in translation. In this article, journalist Chris Richard offers tips on crafting Valentine’s Day poetry. #NoLimitsOnLove

This month, as I have every February for 36 years, I’ll conclude the arduous process of writing my wife a Valentine’s Day poem.

Once, I wrote a lot of poems. In college and for a couple years after I graduated, I thought I would spend the rest of my days as a poet. My wife and I started dating shortly after one Valentine’s Day, and a year later, writing her a poem seemed only natural. That was how I said the things vital to me.

But even by the time my wife and I began dating, I had already started turning from a life in poetry to what would become my life’s work, journalism.

I do think the best reporting has a lot in common with the epic poet Homer, who sang of battle and the fear of death, or the prophets, who denounced injustices and comforted the afflicted. At the same time, news reports can be the antithesis of poetry, cliché-ridden, superficial, barely clear enough for deadline publication, more-or-less functional, inelegant at best and sometimes downright ugly.

Chasing stories is a lot of fun, the public service is fulfilling, and writing on deadline is exhilarating. But when I’ve written badly, it’s often been because journalism is so driven by that deadline.

In the weeks before each Valentine’s Day, I renew my commitment to a timeless assignment. I find another way to tell my wife something particular I love about her.

These days, I find writing poetry even more challenging than other kinds of writing, because I only do it once a year. It’s worth it. This annual exercise also gives me the chance to reassess what I’m attempting to do in my work as a writer. My journalistic writing is for the readers. My poetry, which is not for the public but my wife, nevertheless gives me a unique chance to think deeply, to search out what to say and how.

Here are some of the ways I go about that.

Be a voracious reader

photo of valentine's day poetry with a bearded man reading a book

I read a lot. I think all writing, especially love poems, should use individual experience as a means to discuss bigger things. That’s what I look for when, starting in late December, I turn to websites such as the Academy of American Poets and The Poetry Foundation. The more I read, the more I learn about writing. I often reread poems I know by heart, like W.H. Auden’s “Lullaby,” which begins so tenderly with “Lay your sleeping head, my love, / Human on my faithless arm. …” moves immediately to the inevitability of loss, and ends in a blessing, hope, something I don’t completely understand but that do I know is true. So I read it again.

Find inspiration from other poets

photo of valentine's day poetry with a portrait of William Shakespeare

I look for models to emulate. I’ve often studied Shakespeare’s sonnets for form and metaphor. I do the same with contemporary writers, such as Nobel laureate Louise Glück, whose work uses imagery from the natural world, often plants, or Kanye West, who at his best, in songs like “Runaway,” transforms shopworn phrases and shame, impotence, resentment, and yet another defeat. At his best, he makes all that transcendent.

I’m not talking about copying, but emulation, the same kind of exacting study and application as that achieved by my boyhood friends, who knew every nuance of Pittsburgh Pirates slugger Roberto Clemente’s swing. In Little League games, they made that swing their own.

Pay attention to the beat of life

I listen to the rhythms around me. Teachers of English as a second language sometimes use “jazz chants,” because there is so much jazz in North American English. Hearing another language, really listening, can help tune the ear to one’s own. That rainy night in Mexico City, were those men chanting a liturgy? “¡Capas, capas para que no se moje!” they sang. That long, sonorous final “mohay” drifted through the patter of rain and the swish of tires and the crowd murmuring past. No liturgy: the men were hawking rain capes. I’ll remember their music for the rest of my life. Think of other rhythms. Listen to a cotton-candy vendor’s cries, or the play-by-play for a baseball game, or somebody skipping rope. All that can go into poems.

Study forms and conventions

I pay attention to poetic forms and conventions. There are lots of textbooks on the subject. I think it’s a good idea to understand rhyme and meter in detail and through a lot of reading. In “Sound and Sense,” 18^th-century poet Alexander Pope writes “True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, / As those move easiest who have learned to dance.” By “art,” Pope means acquired skill. In his day and for his elite readers, dancing was formal, as in the graceful minuet with its intricate steps.

True ease in writing comes from art, not chance, As those move easiest who have learned to dance.

Alexander Pope

Sound and Sense

I agree with Pope, to a degree. I think it can be effective to break form, so long as I know what I’m doing and why. Sometimes, the forms suit a writer’s purposes. That’s why they’ve survived.

Don’t be afraid to borrow ideas

I’m not afraid of saying the same things other people have said before. Take these lines from the Shirelles’ “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”:

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment’s pleasure?

Here are two clichés in two lines, but who hasn’t wondered something like that, desiring and fearing at the same time? It rings true. It breaks the heart.

There are two more clichés of my own. People have been around a long time, and we’ve said a lot of the same things over and over again, including “I love you.” It’s fine to say something that’s been said before. Just say it truthfully. Being original is great.

Be truthful

photo of valentine's day poetry with a box in which the author's poems are stored.

I tell the truth as best I can. The truth, and especially the truth involving any loving bond, and even more the truth about a marriage spanning decades, is a big thing. Some of my poems to my wife are sweet and happy, and some have spoken of anger or doubt. One thing poetry shares with journalism is that it tells a focused truth. My wife listens. She’s kept all my poems in a little box.

My poem this year will sing about one part of that speaking and listening to each other over years and years, one thing for this one year, and I’ll pick something else next year, and so on for the rest of my life. As Emily Dickinson says,

Tell all the truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind —

Tips for Expressing Your Love This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it’s your opportunity to express your love to partner. Expressing oneself might be easy for some, but for others, coming up with the right words is more difficult.

Not to worry! We spoke with relationship experts for the best tips on how you can express your love verbally and foster healthy communication (as well as write the best Valentine’s Day note).

Pick a card or letterhead your partner would like

Photo of hands in shape of heart, a common signal for expressing your love.

A great Valentine’s Day message starts with a great card. But not one that you would like — one that your partner would like.

You can express care in the type of card that you pick for your partner even if it doesn’t seem like what kind of card you pick makes that much of a difference. Remember: If it’s a card he or she would like, then you’ve expressed care and met his or her emotional needs. If your partner likes sappy cards, then choose that type even if it’s not your cup of tea. If an excess of emotion stresses out your partner, then choose a less romantic card.

“Healthy communication expresses care, and healthy communication in a marriage expresses extraordinary care,” says Dr. Willard F. Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders. “Everything you do or don’t do is a subcategory of care.” Dr. Harley knows this on both a professional and personal level, as he and his wife have been married for 58 years.

Be short and concise

When it comes to writing a message, the good news is you don’t have to be long-winded. “Less is more,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist and relationship expert on the TV show “Married at First Sight.” “If you write more on Valentine’s Day, you’re more likely to get in trouble.” She recommends writing one to two sentences and saying something like, “You mean the world to me. There’s no one I would rather be with on Valentine’s Day.”

If you write more on Valentine’s Day, you’re more likely to get in trouble.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz

Sociologist and relationship expert

Harley agrees. “You should express care on Valentine’s Day and not just an appreciation of what the other person has or could do for you,” he says. He recommends a similar message: “I care more about you than life itself.”

He emphasizes that you need to stress that your partner is No. 1 in your life and not just state what the other person does for you. “Your Valentine’s Day card should reflect a year’s summary of what that person meant to you,” Harley says.

Compose a rough draft (handwritten or typed)

The great thing about a card or written message is that you have time to think about it. According to Schwartz, writing is a good way to learn communication and allows you to think about what your message says.

She encourages everyone to write a couple of drafts to make sure it sounds good — and even consider showing it to a friend before sealing the envelope. “Sometimes if you are worried about how it sounds, you may have reason to worry,” she says.

For those who sometimes find communicating verbally with their partners challenging, this should be encouraging. You have plenty of time to get it right and say what you want to say, which will in turn help you with healthy communication after Valentine’s Day.

“Healthy communication is honest,” Schwartz says. “The first rule is that you need to think about how the other person would receive it.” Writing things down gives you sufficient time and space to do this.

Think about your partner or spouse

In the end, it all comes down to your partner or spouse. Think about what he or she would like and write down what he or she would appreciate. This could include using nicknames, inside jokes, memories, or terms of endearment. Make your note sound like you and something you know your partner would love. Adding that personal touch will improve your card significantly.

Graphic detailing the Five Love Languages for expressing your love.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a well-known author and marriage counselor who wrote the book “The 5 Love Languages.” In it, you will discover that different individuals have distinct love languages, namely: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. He believes learning your partner’s love language is very important. “The love languages deal primarily with meeting that deep emotional need that we have to be loved,” he says. “Learning one another’s love languages and responding to them gives you a sound basis from which you can solve your problems.”

Don’t assume that because gifts is not your spouse’s love language that you don’t have to mess around with flowers.

Dr. Gary Chapman

Marriage counselor and author of “The 5 Love Languages”

This relates to Valentine’s Day in that you have the perfect opportunity to meet your partner’s love language. However, Chapman warns: “Don’t assume that because gifts are not your spouse’s love language that you don’t have to mess around with flowers because almost every woman appreciates the gift of flowers.” Whether it’s a gift or note for a man or woman, really think about what your partner would want and get that for him or her.

Putting it all together

These tips apply after Valentine’s Day, too. Continue to express care about your partner and show interest in him or her.

Dr. Harley notes that the four “friends” of conversation are to develop an interest in each other’s favorite topics, balance the conversation between both parties, make sure that you’re giving your undivided attention, and seek to understand each other — which includes asking questions, something Schwartz also recommended.

If you do these things, you’ll have a great relationship not only on Valentine’s but the other 364 days of the year, too.

Speak Your Partner’s Love Language This Valentine’s Day

Here it is again, Valentine’s Day, the most romantic day of the year! Husbands and wives or lovers exchange cards, flowers, gifts and sweet nothings in the ear, sparking anew their undying passion and affection.

Anyway, that’s generally the plan. And all these amorous niceties are a meaningful and luxurious treat, but as we all know, making love last and grow is a trickier proposition.

To get the real scoop on how to renew and stoke mutual love on Valentine’s Day and beyond, we talked to Dr. Gary Chapman, an internationally recognized marriage counselor and author of “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” First published in 1992, the book has since snowballed into a publishing miracle, with more than 13 million copies sold in 50 languages.

The five love languages

Dr. Chapman developed his concept of the five love languages in the early 1990s. After reviewing the notes from his many years in marriage counseling, he realized that everything he knew about expressing and receiving love on an emotional level could best be framed in five categories, or “languages”: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

For almost all of us, one of those five is more important than the other. The key to our feeling truly loved is getting that kind of love from our partner as often as possible.

Words of affirmation

“Words of affirmation can be as simple as ‘You look nice in that outfit’ or ‘I appreciate what you did,’” Chapman explains. “It can be something about their looks or personality or something else. It’s simply using words to affirm something about the other person. You can write them, speak them, even sing them.”

Acts of service

Then there are acts of service, or doing something for the other person that you know they would like you to do: Washing dishes, vacuuming floors, cooking a meal, walking the dog, mowing the grass. “You know the old saying, actions speak louder than words,” Chapman says. “It’s not true for everyone, but it is true for these people. If this is their love language, actions will speak louder than words.”

Gifts

As for gifts, they’re a universal expression of love, telling someone you’re thinking of them, but it rings the loudest bell for someone when it’s their primary love language.

“It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift, but it needs to be a thoughtful one,” Chapman explains. “It can be as simple as a candy bar — something you know they would enjoy. But it means you have to know them and what would make them feel loved.”

Quality time

Quality time, Chapman notes, means giving someone your undivided attention. “This can be a conversation sitting at home, taking a walk together, going out to eat,” he says. “It doesn’t even have to involve talking. It can be a project, say, doing a flower garden in the front yard together. The important thing is not the flower garden; it’s giving them full attention while you do it with them.”

Physical touch

Physical touch runs a wide gamut, from holding hands, putting an arm around a shoulder or touching their leg as they drive — simple affirming physical touches — to kissing, embracing, and sex.

“We can receive love in all five of these languages, and we’re not going to turn away from any of them,” Chapman says. “But one of them is going to mean much, much more emotionally to us than the others.”

Love dialects

Even if, on rare occasions, someone has the same love language as his or her partner, the partner may speak a different subset of that language. “A woman once said to me, ‘For both me and my husband Gary, acts of service mean the most, but my husband needs to receive different acts of service than I do to feel loved,’” Chapman recalls. “So, in effect, they spoke different ‘dialects’ of acts of service, and each had to learn the other’s dialect to make the partner feel the most loved.”

The question is, how do we improve our relationships by tapping into the love language our partner favors most? “Obviously, all of us have disagreements on many different subjects in the course of life,” Chapman acknowledges. “But if we meet the need for love, it’s far more likely for us to be willing to listen to the other person’s perspective and try to process the conflicts in a healthy manner. Our greatest emotional need as humans is to feel loved by the significant people in our life, and having that foundation of love makes everything else easier.”

Reaching the heart of Heart’s Day

Is the upshot, at least on Feb. 14, that we focus our Valentine’s Day attentions on whatever our lover’s love language is? If words of affirmation are her thing, do we stick with a card and protestations of our undying admiration? If physical touch is what gives him a charge, do we simply lay on hands? If gifts stir her heartstrings, do we bring home her cherished white roses and a box of her favorite chocolates?

For Chapman, on this special day, it’s all of the above.

“In our culture, we have our traditional ways of expressing love on Valentine’s day, especially flowers and words,” he says. “So, I wouldn’t be too dogmatic here. You’ll never hear me saying on Valentine’s Day, speak only the other person’s primary love language. No, no, no, no! I would say that even if gifts or words are not your partner’s love language, don’t simply assume that you don’t have to mess around with cards or flowers.

Almost every woman I know likes flowers, whether it’s her primary love language or not, unless she’s allergic.

DR. GARY CHAPMAN

Marriage counselor and author of “The 5 Love Languages”

“Almost every woman I know likes flowers, whether it’s her primary love language or not, unless she’s allergic,” he says. “There’s almost an expectation that her spouse will give her flowers or another gift and a card. Do as many of those as you can. Give her flowers, give her a card, give her candy or another gift, take her out to eat, and she’s going to think, ‘Wow, what’s come over this guy?!’”

In other words, speak her love language and then go way past that language. “Lean over backward, go overboard!” Chapman says. “Give heavy doses of the primary love language, sprinkle in the other four, and you get extra credit!”

The cover of Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages"

Testing your love

A quarter century after the book’s debut, more than 300,000 people each month visit its webpage, www.5lovelanguages.com. The first stop on the page is a quiz that will establish which of the five “love languages” is your primary love language. The idea is for you and your partner to separately take the quiz, each learning your own dominant love language, sharing that information, and then keeping it in mind and putting it to use ever after.

For Dr. Chapman, this can be a vital first step in establishing unprecedented communication between you, the kind of communication that can help you deepen and solidify your love to the end of your days.

6 Thoughtful Surprises to Put in Your Kids’ Lunches

Kids are preparing to return to school after a long, hot summer away from the classroom. Some will make the transition easily, but for others, going back to an educational setting can be jarring and, frankly, unnerving.

“The stress of being in a different environment for a long period of time can be really tough for some kids,” says Dr. Nicole Beurkens, a holistic child psychologist and mother of four.

lunchbox surprises with kid looking nervous at school

To try and make things easier on their kids, parents should consider small but meaningful gestures to show they are thinking about them and rooting for their success when they’re off at school.

“A note with a positive message can act as a mood booster and stress buster,” Dr. Beurkens says. “Notes in the lunchbox can support a more comfortable and successful back-to-school transition for kids.”

She stresses that a lunchbox message should be upbeat. “Writing things like ‘I know you’re going to ace your test’ or ‘Focus hard so you can get an ‘A” has the potential to create a lot of stress and discomfort for kids,” she says. Instead, she recommends focusing on the things you love about them or reminding them of something fun they get to do when they arrive home.

According to Dr. Beurkens, these little lunchbox surprises don’t need to be fancy or complicated to be meaningful to your child. “Despite what parents may see on Pinterest or Instagram, you don’t have to be an artist, cultivate an extensive collection of pretty papers and stickers, or learn calligraphy to send notes in your child’s lunchbox!” she says. “Don’t let ideas about perfection and aesthetics get in the way of doing something simple and good.”

A note with a positive message can act as a mood booster and stress buster.

DR. NICOLE BEURKENS

Holistic child psychologist

We know weekday mornings can be stressful, so here are six ideas to get you started as you prepare to pack those lunches and send your kiddos on their way back to the classroom.

Print out a copy of an image that is sure to bring a smile to your child’s face. It can be from last night, a few summers ago, or when they were a toddler — it’s up to you.

Write a few words on the back that sum up how the picture makes you feel. Something like “I love your laugh!” or “Remember this? I sure do!” will work. When your child recalls a happy time spent with you, it strengthens the bond you two share.

2. Give specific words of encouragement

Start a running list of reasons you love your child. You could number them for each day of the school year, write one each Monday to start the week off right, or do it at random times. The important thing is to avoid generalities and zero in on something you appreciate about your child.

A couple of examples are:

“Reasons Why I Love You #10: You take such good care of Fluffy. He meows at your bedroom door because he misses your lap while you’re at school!”
“Reasons Why I Love You #21: I love your sense of humor. I still smile when I recall that joke you told us last night at dinner.”

lunchbox surprises with school lunch with a note

3. Write a story one line at a time

There’s an improvisation exercise that involves players creating a new story one line at a time. You can adapt this kid-friendly game as a series of lunchbox surprises. Simply write on a piece of paper something like, “Let’s write a story one line at a time. Here’s the first line: Jacob woke up with a start from a crazy dream. What’s the next line?”

You can play this game with early readers and writers all the way up to high schoolers. Try to keep the story going as long as you can until it comes to a logical ending. (Tip: Try making the central character a favorite animal for extra fun!)

4. Send a sweet treat

The saying goes “An apple a day keeps the doctor.” We have another saying around here: “An apple-shaped cookie a day chases the blues away.” Your kids will squeal with delight when they find one of these treats in their lunchbox. There are many other assortments to choose from, too, including cookies and cake pops in the shape of school supplies. Never has learning been so delicious.

5. Write a message in unexpected places

An easy and fun way to share your love with your child is writing or drawing a heart or a smiley face where they are least expecting it. For instance, you could use a food-safe decorator pen to write “Love you!” or “I’m thinking of you!” directly on an apple or banana peel. Or you could create a heart or smiley face with sprinkles right on their sandwich.

6. Start a scavenger hunt

This one could get a little addictive if you’re not careful. First, hide a small gift somewhere in your home or yard. Then send lunchbox clues Monday through Friday that give your child hints as to its whereabouts. You can use upcoming holidays as your inspiration for the goodie and the clues. (Hint: Halloween and Valentine’s Day are great times to try out this idea!)

Other ideas

Stickers and notepads with your kid’s name on them are an easy way to add a personal touch to your lunchbox messages. A piece of chocolate as a special treat will delight most every child we know (just make sure to pack it so it doesn’t melt!). Maybe you have a young one who isn’t into sweets all that much (yes, there is such a thing); if that’s the case, drop a piece of fresh fruit or a crunchy snack into their backpack before they head off to school.

Why are small gestures like these lunchbox surprises especially important these days? Nicole says they can offer children “an emotional and relational touchpoint during the school day to remind them of their parent/caregiver and shore up their resilience to get through the day apart from each other.”

These kinds of simple acts won’t just bring a little sunshine to your child’s day: Just picturing the look on their face when they see the thoughtful surprise you’ve put inside their lunch is sure to give you a boost, too.

5 Ways to Be More Empathetic

Our series “Cultivating Compassion” explores how you can be more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others.

Empathy is the ability to understand someone else’s emotions, see things from their point of view, and essentially, feel what they’re feeling. Empathetic people pick up on other’s emotions and act accordingly. They have empathy for families and groups of people as well as individuals.

Interestingly, being empathetic strengthens relationships. “Becoming more empathetic is the ability to step outside of one’s own shoes, figuratively, and into another’s,” says Sarah DeCato, a home care and hospice community liaison nurse.

Being empathetic not only offers long-term benefits that contribute to a full life but influences others to develop empathy too. Below are five ways you can be more empathetic to yourself and others.

Explore acceptance

Acceptance begins by realizing you may never fully understand what someone else is experiencing, be it pain or overwhelming emotions. Exploring acceptance means being able to hear someone else’s story without judgment, even if that person is distressed due to health problems, finances, a relationship, or feelings caused by trauma.

“The biggest barrier to empathy is emotional discomfort,” says Dr. Karen Barrett, a professor of rehabilitation services. “Often, as humans, we see pain as something that needs to be fixed rather than just experiencing it.” She says that if people realize that pain is part of the human experience, we’d be better prepared to support one another with true empathy.

Thus, the first step to exploring acceptance is to become more aware and accepting of our own vulnerabilities. That includes our level of self-esteem, our emotions, and our place in the world. Then, as we hope that our emotional needs will be accepted by others, we become more present to what they’re going through. This happens due to our becoming intentionally self-empathetic.

Practice self-empathy

The practice of self-empathy kindles greater self-awareness, just as it supports our ability to be sensitive to other people’s needs. The development of self-empathy promotes empathy for others without projecting our own feelings. This happens when we observe and are present to our circumstances, emotions, and responses to the world around us.

Tips for practicing self-empathy include:

Being open to what you are experiencing without judgment about your feelings
Reflecting on what it is like to be misunderstood or not heard
Realize that pain and failure are normal parts of the human experience, and we should support one another through those times

As you take these steps, you’re likely to become gentler with yourself and others. This is because your heart is opening and ready to be present to their journeys.

Open your heart

Your response to the suggestion to open your heart might be that you already do so, and that may be the case. Yet many of us spend a lot of time in our heads, thinking, planning, and responding to others. We can get caught up in judging ourselves and others based on social or personal opinions and biases, and this results in us being less accepting of other peoples’ emotional ups and downs.

An open heart can witness and empathize with someone else’s life trials. Basic ways to open your heart empathetically include:

Taking a few deep, focused breaths to slow your thoughts
Recalling how you felt when someone fully heard your story
Thinking of something you’d like to share with others, such as a sunset, music, or an act of kindness you witnessed.

Engage in conscious listening

Conscious listening — also called active, deep, or mindful listening — involves being with someone else so that that person feels they have truly been heard. It means quieting your mind and being fully present to someone’s story. This is conveyed through thoughtful use of facial expressions and repeating back what’s been said.

Sarah describes one key element of conscious listening. “It’s the silence that exists between communication transitions that allow for reflection and an understanding of practicing empathy,” she says. “This transition can include body language, such as eye contact and touch.” When you deeply listen to someone else’s needs, you can become more attuned to which caring actions will be most meaningful for that person.

Carry out caring actions

Being empathetic and accepting of other people’s situations can include actions as well as words. “Empathy doesn’t need to be practiced only when another is in the same physical space,” Sarah says. “Letting someone know you’re thinking of them, though they may be miles away, is just as important. This can be a simple phone call, a video chat, a social media message, a handwritten note, or a flower delivery.” Any of these can share special words and touches that make a person feel heard and accepted.

Part of learning to be more empathetic is being aware of how what we are doing — and who we are becoming — contributes to us as individuals and the world around us. “Instilling in our younger generations the importance of caring for others through the understanding of empathy is a lesson that can carry into adulthood,” Sarah says. Empathy is one of the most important aspects of creating strong relationships, enhancing emotional awareness, and learning to relate to other people and their experiences. And, perhaps, most importantly? We are all capable of getting better at it.

Empathy gifts to show you care

We can all use a little more kindness in the world. Shop our empathy gifts collection for empathetic gifts to let your friends and family know you’re thinking of them.

4 Traits of Empathetic People

Our series “Cultivating Compassion” explores how you can be more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others.

The term “empath” has become a popular way to describe an empathetic person. Some traits of empathetic people are instantly recognizable trademarks, but, according to some experts, being an empathetic person is something we could all be, to some degree.

A true empath always goes out of their comfort zone and starts thinking, feeling, and acting for other people.

Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios

Board-certified Psychiatrist

Like many other personality traits, empathy likely falls on a spectrum. “I think anyone can develop empathy,” says K.C. Davis, professional counselor, mental health TikTok influencer, and author of How to Keep House While Drowning.

Some professionals say there is a clear distinction between the empath and the average empathetic person. “We may all possess certain levels of empathy,” says Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, a board-certified psychiatrist. “But all of us cannot be considered an empath.”

“A true empath always goes out of their comfort zone and starts thinking, feeling, and acting for other people,” Nereida says. “They can feel another person’s happiness or sadness as a part of their own self.”

What are other traits of empathetic people? Here are four empath characteristics to look for in your relationships — and to even develop in yourself.

Empathetic people love to listen

If someone in your life, including yourself, loves to listen calmly to deep and authentic emotions in others — even gaining energy and happiness in doing so — they may just be an empathetic person.

Photo of empathetic psychologist consoling man and stroking his shoulder while supporting him and cheering up during therapy session

All this may have to do with an empathetic person’s desire for real and gratifying emotional connection, says Melissa Parks, social worker and mental health TikTok influencer.

“You don’t have to convince an empath that we, as humans, are wired for authentic connection because they can’t help but feel that draw to connect,” Melissa says. “Which is lovely, because we know at the heart of healing is connection.”

If you feel healed after a good conversation with someone or just being in their presence, that’s a good sign of strong empathy.

“Empathetic people think very deeply about others around them as if the emotions of others are a part of their own experience,” Nereida says. She also says it’s best to relate your feelings calmly and objectively to avoid draining empathetic people. The more empathetic someone is — and the more you confront them directly with anger— the more likely they will shut down.

“Empaths do not like conflicts and fights,” Nereida says. “They are highly peace-loving people, and readily absorb the emotional responses of others and make them their own.”

Empathetic people are intuitive

Many people — including both empaths and empathetic people — are incredibly intuitive, which can seem almost like a psychic sixth sense. But how does that work?

“Empathetic people can pick up subtle cues, such as facial expressions and non-verbal gestures, to actually understand how the other person might be feeling in that moment,” Nereida says.

Having learned how to put all these cues together quickly, it can seem magical — or even psychic — when an empathetic person is intuitive enough to pick up on precisely how you feel, and with little to go on.

Empathetic people are incredibly compassionate

Compassion blends the empathetic person’s intuition and love of listening into one. This characteristic allows empaths and empathetic people to be experts at empathizing and putting themselves in other people’s shoes.

Besides listening and relating, another empath quality you may pick up on is the need to be alone more often than other people. In fact, many empathetic people may intentionally be introverted so they can recharge or reserve some of that compassion back to themselves.

“Aside from their natural connection to others and to their own inner experience, many empaths prefer a lot of alone time to balance out the time spent feeling with others, ” Melissa says. “Which is also lovely, because it can model healthy boundaries for us all.”

Empathetic people are sensitive in the best way

Things that stimulate a lot of people — social interactions, small talk, having a busy schedule — could have an overwhelming effect on the empath or empathetic person. On the other hand, creativity, the arts, and making social or environmental justice issues a part of their personal or professional lives isn’t uncommon. A love of nature and animals, too, can be an almost certain sign of someone who is empathetic.

“Empathetic people may feel at home with nature and all it has to offer as it overwhelms our senses,” Melissa says, noting nature’s ability to restore and soothe empathetic people.

Aniko Dunn, Psy. D, says empathetic people are capable of a high level of empathy and a desire to make the world a better place.

“They spend more amounts of time in humanitarian or charitable activities than self-centered projects,” Aniko says.

Whether you feel you’re an empath, an empathetic person, or would like to be more empathetic, these classic traits of empathetic people can help give you a head start in developing more empathy for yourself and in your relationships.

Empathy gifts to show you care

We can all use a little more kindness in the world. Shop our empathy gifts collection for empathetic gifts to let your friends and family know you’re thinking of them.

8 Ways to Show Loved Ones You Care About Them

Our series “Cultivating Compassion” explores how you can be more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others.

We all want our loved ones to know that we care for them. Something deep within us — an innate need in our human experience — drives us to demonstrate connection, caring, and love.

While we strive to show the people we care about how we feel about them each and every day, sometimes doing something just a little bit special or slightly out of the norm can help us truly communicate what’s in our hearts.

According to Kristina Lujan, marriage and family therapist at Wolfe Counseling, this connection is part of who we are. And, often, this means connecting and caring in small yet deeply impactful ways.

“We are hardwired to attach,” she says. “This means being seen. Noticing when someone goes out of their way or, conversely, is particularly impacted by something painful — it is important to come beside them and just show them we notice, that we care.”

We are hardwired to attach.

Kristina Lujan

Marriage and Family Therapist

Wolfe Counseling

In other words, simply being there is one of the best gifts we can give our loved ones. A grand gesture is not always required.

Kristina says there are lots of opportunities for contact, comfort, and connection when showing our feelings, even if that means expressing sadness and fear. “Going through these emotions together helps us to weather storms and connect on a deep level — when times are good and when life gets hard.”

When you want to show your feelings for a loved one, a simple gesture can speak volumes. Here are eight ways you can demonstrate to those special people in your life how much you care.

Make something by hand

If you show how much you care through gift-giving, consider going a step further and making a gift by hand. Handmade gifts can be as elaborate or simple as you see fit. From handwritten notes to a complex item that shows off your skillful crafting ability, handmade gifts are a personal and meaningful way to express your feelings.

Give from the heart

Not all gifts have to be handmade to be special. You can show your loved ones how much you care by listening to your heart and selecting a thoughtful gift to give them. And remember: While such gifts can be tangible, they don’t have to be. In other words, don’t put pressure on yourself to buy something; instead, choose a gift that says what you want it to say, regardless of price.

Participate in their passions

What drives your loved ones? What consumes their free time and brings smiles to their faces?

One of the kindest, most caring things you can do to show your loved ones how you feel is to participate in their passions. This does not necessarily mean you should attempt a marathon with them or force yourself to do things you don’t like. Rather, it means to show interest in their interests.

Whether it’s listening to their passionate rants, doing a bit of research so you can talk about a topic they care deeply about, or even trying something new so you can actively enjoy their passion with them, the effort you put forth to connect with them will say a lot.

Be there through thick and thin

Truly caring about your loved ones means celebrating their high moments and successes with them, but it also means being there for them through their failures and struggles.

Supporting and uplifting your loved ones through the good times and bad is key to demonstrating that you truly care about them, no matter the circumstances.

Always show respect

Showing respect is showing that you care. And respect isn’t just a one-time gesture. In fact, you can show your loved ones that you respect them all the time and in every context.

Whether it’s respecting their time, priorities, goals, boundaries, or something else entirely, a surefire way to demonstrate that you love and care for someone is by consistently showing them respect.

Put them first

Being self-aware and selfless enough to put your loved ones first is more challenging than it sounds, and that’s saying something. Whether it’s considering what they’re going through or helping them reach their potential, your efforts will not go unnoticed, and they will know without a doubt that you truly care for them.

Cook something homemade

Nothing speaks to the heart quite like food. It’s why we gather around the table with loved ones, refer to certain dishes as comfort foods, and center some of our dearest memories around meals.

Cooking up something homemade for your loved ones — regardless of whether it’s a special occasion — demonstrates that you care for them. From making one of their favorite dinners to baking a delicious dessert, few things express love like a thoughtfully crafted dish.

If you’re not confident in your chef skills, you can still use food to express yourself. Bringing home takeout or ordering delivery is an especially thoughtful gesture, especially if your loved one has had a busy or stressful day.

Let love guide you

While following your heart is always a good idea, speaking in the love “languages” — acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and gifts — can communicate your feelings just as well.

You and your loved ones can complete a questionnaire that enlightens you about your love languages. If you know your loved ones’ languages, you can then use that knowledge to show them you care in personalized ways.

Whether your loved ones enjoy receiving gifts or simply want to spend some one-on-one time with you, catering to what they want rather than what you think they may want will help you express your love and caring more effectively.

Even the smallest act of kindness and generosity can speak volumes, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to select the perfect gift or make the grandest gesture. Instead, give from the heart. Your loved ones will recognize your efforts and truly appreciate that you care for them.

An unexpected holiday bonus

A couple’s greatest hit

Timing isn’t always everything with marriage proposals

Oh what a ride

Consider three key goals in marriage proposal ideas

Proper planning

Recognize every couple is different

Do some homework

Don’t stress if it doesn’t go as planned

Be a voracious reader

Find inspiration from other poets

Pay attention to the beat of life

Study forms and conventions

Don’t be afraid to borrow ideas

Be truthful

Pick a card or letterhead your partner would like

Be short and concise

Compose a rough draft (handwritten or typed)

Think about your partner or spouse

Putting it all together

The five love languages

Love dialects

Reaching the heart of Heart’s Day

Testing your love

1. Share a fun photo

2. Give specific words of encouragement

3. Write a story one line at a time

4. Send a sweet treat

5. Write a message in unexpected places

6. Start a scavenger hunt

Other ideas

Explore acceptance

Practice self-empathy

Open your heart

Engage in conscious listening

Carry out caring actions

Empathy gifts to show you care

Empathetic people love to listen

Empathetic people are intuitive

Empathetic people are incredibly compassionate

Empathetic people are sensitive in the best way

Empathy gifts to show you care

Make something by hand

Give from the heart

Participate in their passions

Be there through thick and thin

Always show respect

Put them first

Cook something homemade

Let love guide you