Kristina Libby Archives

Honoring Those Lost to COVID with Floral Hearts

From recalling happy memories to celebrating a life well lived, Reimagining Grief, encourages you to rethink your understanding of grief. Whether you’re searching for ideas to honor a loved one, are seeking inspiration to brighten someone’s day, or are looking for supportive communities, our experts – from those who have experienced loss to professional therapists – are here to show you that positivity lives on. Through personal stories and uplifting videos, we’re here to guide you to a peaceful, pleasant mindset.

When I lay a floral heart, I’m doing it for the entire community impacted by COVID-19. I’m also doing it for the individuals who have reached out to share their COVID stories. In fact, hearing people’s individual stories has been one of the most meaningful parts of the Floral Heart Project experience. So often, I think the enormity of those lost can be staggering for us to grapple with. Just how many people is 200,000? It is two giant football stadiums. It’s 480,747 airplanes full of people. It’s 2/10s the population of the state of Rhode Island. Yet, any representative scale of people fails to acknowledge that it is 200,000 individual humans whose lives mean an incalculable amount to those around them.

When I laid the flowers in Washington Square Park, I did so in honor of Mama Hu. Mama Hu was my friend’s dear friend and before the COVID-19 lockdown they spent Valentine’s Day together. She had no idea that months later, she’d lose her. Wendy Hu was an immigrant, an entrepreneur, and a mother to the community. She was everyone’s family in her office and actually, everywhere. Her life touched my friend and those around her more than she likely ever knew.

The heart in Times Square was laid in honor of my friend Daniel’s brother-in-law who passed not from COVID but during the time of the COVID lockdown. He was a man with big dreams, ambition, and an extremely healthy lifestyle. It was a shock when they found he had a terminal illness. He passed relatively quickly and the family spent the lockdown in shock. They didn’t know how to mourn or grieve without those around them. And, yet, they figured it out. They hosted virtual shivas and brought those who otherwise would not have been able to attend a memorial service together via Zoom. Their adaptations created a sense of community that helped them to process the loss in a time of broad communal sadness.

When I laid flowers in Bryant Park, I did so for two people who both came to me via social media. Walter Robb and Ron Valdueza were both successful businessmen who left behind children and grandchildren when the virus took their lives too early. Their families shared how devastated they were by their inability to mourn communally and how they wanted to do something, be part of something, that could allow them to really honor the memory of those they have lost.

Next, I plan to build a floral heart with the community in Greeley Square as part of a silent vigil is for Isabelle Papadimitriou, the mother of Fiana Tulip. Isabelle was a flower loving nurse who passed just one week after battling a mild case of COVID-19. Her son and daughter are channeling their grief and anger into driving home the severity and realness of COVID-19 so fewer families are forced to endure the horrific loss of a loved one. They ask you to honor Isabelle’s life by wearing a mask, remaining socially distant, washing your hands, and staying inside as much as you can for yourself, for others, and especially for our healthcare heroes.

We lay floral hearts because we need to, because our community is suffering, and a living memorial to those lost is the least we can do to honor their lives. For every heart I lay, there are thousands of stories that I have not yet heard. But, I hope that for every person lost, you know that there is a heart that is specially placed for you.

songs with valentine in the title Musical Cheese Cutting Board and Tools Set — Musical Cheese Cutting Board and Tools Set

songs with valentine in the title Lion Heart Animated Plush With Sweet Treats — Lion Heart Animated Plush With Sweet Treats

songs with valentine in the title Engraved Friendship Floral Heart Music Box — Engraved Friendship Floral Heart Music Box

Why We Should Have a Living COVID Memorial

From recalling happy memories to celebrating a life well lived, our series, Reimagining Grief, encourages you to rethink your understanding of grief. Whether you’re searching for ideas to honor a loved one, are seeking inspiration to brighten someone’s day, or are looking for supportive communities, our experts — from those who have experienced loss to professional therapists — are here to show you that positivity lives on. Through personal stories and uplifting videos, we’re here to guide you to a peaceful, pleasant mindset.

Before I even started the Floral Heart Project, I was thinking about the need to build a COVID memorial. People argued that it was too early to have the conversation, and they were probably right. But, now, as we reach over 200,000 deaths from COVID-19 in America, we need to start thinking more about the impact that these deaths will have on our society and what we can do to help our community moving forward. One way to do this is to provide visual and physical aids that help people to see those lost and to show support for their suffering and hope for the future.

A Guide to Funeral Flowers and Floral Sympathy Rituals Around the World

Floral hearts are an act of sympathy and solidarity that I created in response to the COVID-19 pandemic moment. However, there are numerous practices around the world where floral creations are used to express sympathy, blessing, and solidarity. In these moments, flowers serve as a poignant reminder of life.

There are different forms of floral sympathy displays

Flower displays at funerals that can take a number of forms, including:

Casket spray, which is a floral arrangement that sits on top of a casket.
Floral arrangements, which are any type of floral arrangement including baskets and cut flowers.
Garlands, which are flowers strung together that in some religious and cultural traditions are placed inside a casket.
Interior arrangements, which are small floral arrangements inside the casket.
Sprays, which are floral arrangements that are often viewed from only one side.
Wreaths, which are floral arrangements that are often put on a stand and may represent an eternal life.

The choice of colors for flowers in these arrangements is also driven by culture and while many in North America think of black as a funeral color, around the globe these colors range from gray to purple to white.

Sympathy rituals in Hawaiian cultures

In Hawaiian cultures, a wreath or lei (traditional floral garland) is placed over a photo of the person who has passed and on their coffin and, occasionally, leis are also placed in areas that were important to the deceased or cast into the water. Concurrently, mourners wear a lei during the funeral and the family members of the deceased will place a garland over each person who attends the burial ceremony.

Sympathy rituals in Mexican cultures

In Mexican culture, on November 1 and 2, locals celebrate the Day of the Dead or Dias de los Muertos using the cempoalxochitl flower. This flower, also called the flower of the dead, is given as a sign of respect to the souls of those who have died. Additionally, participants will put flowers alongside other offerings, such as bread and tequila, before they light a candle. The intent is that the fragrance of the flower guides the soul of the deceased to the afterlife.

Sympathy rituals in the United States

Historically, in the Midwestern United States, funerals include a role for the flower lady. Like pall bearers, these women had a formal role. However, instead of carrying the casket this group of (typically six) women would carry the flowers from the place of the funeral to a vehicle, and then would assist in setting them up at the cemetery. Flower ladies were chosen with great care and were usually close friends of the family.

For many cultures and traditions, it’s normal to give flowers at a funeral or memorial service for those who have passed away. If you’re curious as to which flowers to give, consider the below guide.

Sympathy rituals in Asian cultures

Chrysanthemums are the traditional flower for grief in Asian ceremonies. White and yellow are appropriate colors; red would be traditionally considered inappropriate. Flowers and food are often placed near the casket during the funeral service. However, there are many versions of Asian cultural practices and it is best to check with the family to ensure you are following appropriate etiquette. Here are a few additional nuances for cultural practices:

Baha’i: Flowers are considered an appropriate gift.
Buddhist: White flowers are traditionally considered an appropriate gift.
Hindu: Flowers are not traditionally part of the Hindu tradition of mourning. Instead, the family arranges for garlands and sprays of flowers to be placed inside the casket.

Sympathy rituals in Christian cultures

Catholic: Flowers are generally an accepted and appreciated aspect of a Catholic funeral and are incorporated into the vigil, wake, and burial service. All colors of flowers are accepted.
Eastern Orthodox: Flowers may be sent to the funeral home, and there is often an emphasis on white flowers.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Mormons: Flowers are appreciated and can be in any variety of colors, except they should not include a cross or crucifix, which may be traditional in other Christian religions.
Protestant faiths: Flowers are generally appreciated and incorporated into the funeral and memorial services. All colors of flowers are accepted.

Sympathy rituals in Islamic cultures

There are varying practices concerning the placement of flowers for Islamic services. While flowers may be appropriate for some families, they may be inappropriate for others and a local religious leader or family should be consulted. If flowers are appropriate, roses and other fragrant traditions are especially popular, and palm branches and individual flowers are often placed on gravesites.

Sympathy rituals in Jewish cultures

Flowers are not appropriate for Jewish shiva services or burial practices. Fruit and food baskets are traditionally sent instead.

Floral practices are as diverse as traditional mourning practices around the globe and highlight the unique and fascinating ways that communities consider and engage with death. While not a floral funeral tradition, in the Philippines, Tinguians dress bodies in their best clothes, sit them on a chair, and place a lit cigarette in their lips. The Malagasy people of Madagascar have a famous ritual called “famadihana,” or “the turning of the bones.”

During the Malagasy ritual, every five or seven years, the family holds a celebration in their ancestral crypt. At the celebration, the bodies — wrapped in cloth — are exhumed and sprayed with wine or perfume. What may seem strange, odd, or funny to you is likely profoundly moving for another community. To make sure you don’t offend, it’s always best to call ahead and ask about their preferences — floral or otherwise — and adhere to local custom.

Why We Need Community in Moments of Mourning Now More Than Ever

From recalling happy memories to celebrating a life well lived, our new series, Reimagining Grief, encourages you to rethink your understanding of grief. Whether you’re searching for ideas to honor a loved one, are seeking inspiration to brighten someone’s day, or are looking for supportive communities, our experts – from those who have experienced loss to professional therapists – are here to show you that positivity lives on. Through personal stories and uplifting videos, we’re here to guide you to a peaceful, pleasant mindset.

When I created my first floral heart, I didn’t know why I was doing it. I simply felt compelled to do something for those dying from COVID-19 and for those around me who were suffering. However, as I have spent the last many months engaged in deep study on the rituals around death and dying, I’ve come to better understand the role that community can play in moments of tragedy. Community mourning makes death more tolerable.

Discussing death in America

In American culture, death and mortality feel like largely taboo topics. Of American’s top ten fears “people I love dying” and “people I love becoming seriously ill” rank as number six and number nine. Psychologists argue that discussing death now ranks as one of the top issues we feel are unacceptable to discuss in polite company. Yet, doctors are extremely vocal about the fact that “our collective silence about death, suffering and mortality places a tremendous burden on the people we love, and on the doctors and nurses navigating these conversations,” according to an article by The New York Times.

Nearly 1% of Americans die each year, and this year hundreds of thousands of people will die due to COVID-19 in America. Given the impact on our society, it’s time we feel not only comfortable speaking about death, but learn ways to support those who are experiencing deaths in their lives.

Expressive grieving

When we communally accept dying as a natural occurrence of human life and work to make moments of death more comforting, we improve the experience of death for everyone. Doctor L.S. Dugdale, in her newest book The Lost Art of Dying, shares that historically, “neighbor women would gather at the bedside, together with the family, to comfort and mourn. Once the sick had died, the women joined the kin in public displays of grief.” These public acts of grief involved music, food, drinks and games. The social aspect of these customs kept death public and “tame” through the enactment of familiar ceremonies that comforted mourners.

Globally, many cultures continue to have expressive grieving rituals from jazz parade funerals in the American South, to Irish “merry” wakes, to death wailing ceremonies in Tanzania and elsewhere. Americans have funeral processions and shivas and various other cultural mourning practices. However, in the pandemic many of these have been postponed or discarded over fear of public gathering. When our traditional practices are prohibited, we must find other ways to show communal recognition of lives lost.

Delivering comfort through art

Rituals that let us support our community in recognizing the death of a loved one help individuals and their communities make sense of loss. One way that I to do this is through the creation of floral hearts. Their scale and appearance in public places is my way of showing solidarity with those in grief and providing the hope that together we can overcome this moment. The more I have created, the more they have become my ritual of mourning and my expression of solidarity. I believe these sorts of acts help us to improve the fabric of our community, at large.

Moving Forward: Understanding and Reimagining Loss

When my high school boyfriend’s sister died, I remember watching their family suffer through the moment in a sort of catatonic blindness. His mother sobbed in grief. His father sat numbly. The other siblings walked around silent, crying and reckless. None of us had the vocabulary or familiarity with death to understand and mourn the sudden loss of a child — and perhaps no one ever does. However, I do believe that if we all had had more conversations about death, more familiarity with death, and more understanding of the grieving process, the moment would have been different.

A death-denying culture

dying with sympathy fruit basket — Wishing You Peace Sympathy Fruit Basket

Americans don’t want to talk about death: in fact, America is considered a death-denying culture. The well-known bioethicist George Annas described it further noting that America’s death-denying culture “cannot accept death as anything but defeat…we are utterly unable to prepare for death.” Death is not defeat. Death is the most universal part of the human experience. Yet, our inability to accept death means that we lack the basic skills needed to address it when it happens. Our fear of death leads to avoidance which makes situations related to death worse for everyone.

dying with sympathy flowers — Classic All White Arrangement for Sympathy

The way to address our underlying fear of death isn’t by avoiding the topic. Instead, we need to become more comfortable with it. The way to become more comfortable with it is to have open conversations about death and dying that include telling stories about dying, reading obituaries, and learning about various traditions related to death. It, also, means learning how to live.

Prior to the start of the twentieth century, there were widely circulated books, called ars moriendi, about how to both live and die well. However, following WWII, these books fell out of favor in Europe and North America to be replaced by an over-emphasis on being alive. The result: an obsession with living made death off limits.

Changing how we think about death

dying with Kristina Libby Flowers by Water

Like all massive swings, we have simply shifted too far in our response to dying. we need to swing back to a more normalized view. This normalization is a moral necessity. A culture that cannot accept the inevitability of death will run from it in blind fear. That fear will tear at the fabric of society and the people within it.

One of the ways to change the way we think and talk about death is to change the visual and written depictions of death. The Floral Heart Project uses flower hearts to memorialize those who have died. It’s colorful, natural, and focuses on comfort rather than more prototypical death depictions. Similarly, when we talk about death and dying, we can talk not just about the end of someone’s life, but also the community around them, the hallmarks of a life well loved, and how to help heal the community that has been impacted by their passing.

dying with memorial candle — In Memory of a Life So Beautifully Lived Candle

Discussing death and moving forward

When my boyfriend’s sister died, it was important to remember her but it was equally important to find a way to care for, recognize, and share love with the people who remained. If we take the time to understand and discuss dying, we are not being morbid. Rather, we are being active and aware participants in our community because we understand that death will happen, and after it has, the most important thing we can do is to take care of the living. The best way to quell the fear of dying is to live a life that acknowledges it, respects it, and continues to thrive despite it. Beyond that, it’s to build a community that helps each other through the natural cycles of being human.

How Artist Kristina Libby Brought Comfort to Her City Through Floral Heart Designs

Creativity can be used to express a range of emotions, and after suffering a traumatic brain injury, it’s what artist Kristina Libby relied on to get herself through tough times. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, Kristina used her imagination to bring comfort to the public in the form of floral heart arrangements. We were fortunate enough to catch up with her and discuss the inspiration behind her selfless project she shared with the world.

What started your artistic career?

I’ve always been interested in art and florals. I was even a florist when I was in my early 20s. However, it wasn’t until after a traumatic brain injury from a kite-surfing accident last year that I found my way back to art. First, I started painting because it helped to soothe my constant headaches. Then, when the pandemic hit, I felt like I couldn’t just stay in my studio. I wanted to make and create public art and that really inspired me to start creating floral hearts.

Did you start making your floral heart designs at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic?

No. When the pandemic hit NYC, I was rushing back from a trip in Africa. I made one of the very last flights out of Rwanda and just snuck into South Africa before it shut down its borders and then flew to the U.S. So, when I first landed I was just in a total daze. As I watched the news and began to feel the enormity of what was happening, I felt so heartbroken. Thousands of people were dying without funerals and their families were left without the traditional grieving practices. I became really worried about what we were doing to help the dead and dying. So, I co-founded COVID Tech Connect with four other women, a non-profit that helps put tablets into the hospital rooms of patients who are dying from COVID. The tablets allowed people to use Zoom and FaceTime and that started to give people a chance to say goodbye to each other and watch over those who were dying.

Many families have been unable to go through traditional grieving practices during the pandemic.

Is this what inspired the creation of your floral hearts?

Yes. I was heartbroken watching what was happening in my home city and in cities across America. The number of people dying was astounding but, so too was my worry about how this would impact the fabric of our nation. There is a term called “disenfranchised grief” which is the idea that people who put off grieving — generally due to war or other high-stress situation — end up with lingering and endemic PTSD symptoms. This includes violence, depression, and anxiety. I wondered if putting off grieving as a nation meant that we would have these symptoms in the fabric of our culture long after the pandemic had stopped. So, I wanted to do something to visualize my grief and allow others to access their grief; to feel connected to the city and to have a moment of comfort.

Why did you choose to work with flowers?

Naturally, I drifted towards floral art — something I was comfortable with — and it felt right for this moment. Flowers are already dead but historically are used in moments of sadness to provide sympathy and support. The first floral piece I made was about re-imagining the six feet social distance messaging. I was terrified to put it in public. But, it was well-received and inspired others who saw it and interacted with it. Plus, I think we were all craving surprise, color, and compassion in that moment.

The second piece was a floral heart and it really started as an act of blessing and sympathy for the city.

You said your floral hearts acted as a blessing. How so?

There are a lot of traditions that use floral garlands or flowers to bless those around them, wish them well on a trip, or send them off into the afterlife. The interesting thing about flowers is that they really can do all of those things at once. So, I made a floral heart as a blessing and put it into the East River. People reached out to me from all over when they saw the image. They found it to be touching and meaningful. So, I wanted to do more of that and help more people. From there, I laid a floral heart on the Brooklyn Bridge and the whole project took off after that.

What is the aim of your floral hearts project?

For now, I want to make 50 floral hearts in recognition of those we have lost. But, ultimately I want them to grow into a future piece that will allow us a moment of recognition for the pandemic deaths along with a moment of reflection. I’m thrilled to partner with 1-800-Flowers to make floral hearts for the next few months because it allows us to write a love letter to NYC, in a way. These flowers will be in sympathy and love with those who have passed away, and they’ll also spread warmth to those that are living and allow their struggling to feel seen.

What do you hope your floral hearts project inspires in others?

I would love to see copycats of these floral hearts around NYC and around the world. Nearly anyone with any kind of flowers can make a floral heart garland. Making it is cathartic; laying it in a public place is cathartic; and, ultimately watching others interact with it also makes you feel good, too. If we can do nothing more right now, maybe we can blanket the world in flowers.