A boutonniere is a classic accessory that adds a touch of elegance and sophistication to any suit or tuxedo. However, many people don’t know how to put one on, which can lead to frustration and even damage to the flower itself (not to mention the possibility of sticking yourself with a pin).
If you have a special occasion coming up and want to add that final touch to your formal attire, you may be wondering, “How do I put on a boutonniere?” In this step-by-step guide, we walk you through how to put on a boutonniere in under 5 minutes.
Choosing the right boutonniere for your suit
The boutonniere’s purpose isn’t to steal the show, per se, but rather to add a final flair to your overall ensemble.
First and foremost, consider the color of your suit. The boutonniere should provide a contrast that allows it to stand out without clashing. It doesn’t have to match your tie or pocket square precisely, but it should complement the colors and patterns of your overall attire.
Other factors include the style of your suit and the occasion you’re attending. An ornate, extravagant boutonniere may be out of place at a business event, but perfect for a festive gala. A simple, elegant rose is a classic choice for weddings, while a less formal event, such as a prom, might call for a playful, colorful carnation.
Take note of the season as well. Certain flowers are more readily available and appropriate for different times of the year. A sprig of holly adds a festive touch for a winter event, whereas a daisy might be just the thing for a spring gathering.
Finding the right placement for your boutonniere
The traditional place to pin a boutonniere is on your left lapel. (That’s so it’s closer to your heart, a nod to the symbolism it carries.) To determine its exact location, look for the buttonhole on your lapel. If you don’t have a buttonhole, simply imagine where it would be, generally halfway up the lapel.
Next, align the stem to run parallel with the edge of your lapel. This gives it a neat, tidy look and keeps it securely in place. Make sure the flower head is pointing skyward.
Lastly, ensure your boutonniere doesn’t extend beyond the width or length of your lapel. This is not an instance where “bigger is better.” An oversized boutonniere may end up looking more gaudy than classy. The key is to seamlessly integrate the boutonniere into your outfit, not overwhelm it.
Pinning the boutonniere: A step by step guide
Before pinning your boutonniere, ensure it is in pristine condition. A wilted or worn boutonniere can distract from your polished appearance.
Hold the boutonniere up to your left lapel, positioning it over the buttonhole.
Grab a pin. (This is typically included with the boutonniere. If it is not, a simple straight pin will do.)
Gently hold the boutonniere in place with one hand. With your other hand, push the pin through the back of your lapel, catching the boutonniere’s stem and pushing the pin back through to the backside of the lapel. Be careful not to prick your fingers!
Double check the position. It should be firm, not wobbly, with the pin hidden from view.
Check your reflection to confirm that the boutonniere isn’t extending beyond the width or length of your lapel.
Step back and admire your work!
Practice before the big event
Don’t wait until the day of your event to try putting on your boutonniere for the first time. Be proactive and practice beforehand.
With adequate practice, you’ll cultivate the skill and confidence needed to attach your boutonniere flawlessly. Plus, you’ll be prepared for any last-minute adjustments or reattachments required on the day of the event.
The beginning of a new year is a great opportunity to reflect on the past and make a fresh start — whether that means eating healthier meals, getting more exercise, saving money, or quitting a bad habit, like smoking. Making resolutions, however, is just the first step; figuring out how to accomplish them all is the hard part.
If you’re looking to make a positive change in your life in 2024, we have expert advice, tips, and helpful resources to help you make your New Year’s resolutions last the entire year.
4 tips for keeping your New Year’s resolutions
No matter what changes you resolve to make in your life this year, sticking to them can be a challenge. Most of us, in fact, make a few crucial mistakes when making New Year’s resolutions, which often causes us to give up on them.
But there are proven ways you can achieve long-term results and make positive, lifelong changes. Here are four tips on making your 2023 resolutions truly stick this year.
Making too many changes all at once can be daunting. Simplify your list of New Year’s resolutions by focusing on one goal at a time. Change just one habit and focus on just that for 30 to 60 days before adding another challenge.
For example, if your goal is to lose weight, don’t start with a punishing diet and spending every day at the gym. Start by tracking what you eat and scheduling three workouts a week until this becomes your new habit. After a couple of months, examine your eating habits and make a change to your diet you can stick to for the next 30 to 60 days while maintaining your workout schedule.
“Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January first, can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD, in an article on the American Psychological Association website. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”
2. Make a plan & track your progress
Unhealthy habits develop over time, which is why changing them also takes time. Make the commitment by devising a long-term plan, breaking down your goal into manageable chunks, and tracking your progress.
For instance, if your goal is to lose weight and all you focus on is the number on the scale each morning, you’re bound to get discouraged. Instead of fixating on that number, keep track of your workouts and what you eat. That way, your successful week will be marked by the amount of exercise you got and healthy meals you ate — not by what the scale reads.
It’s also important to track things you’re trying to eliminate from your life, such as smoking or biting your nails. Logging your progress in an app or a journal, or even through photos, can help show progress and reinforce the commitment to your goal.
3. Don’t give up
Our excitement and determination about our resolutions tend to fade as weeks and months pass, and we get busy with everyday life. If you’re find yourself falling back into your old ways, don’t get discouraged. Remember that taking a step back is completely normal and achieving your goals is not about perfection.
If you skipped a week at the gym or ate a decadent dessert on your diet, it’s OK. Forgive yourself and get back on track with your resolutions.
“Take credit for success when you achieve a resolution, but don’t blame yourself if you fail. Instead, look at the barriers that were in your way. See how you can do better next time and figure out a better plan to succeed. You do get to try again and can make behavior changes throughout the year, not only at New Year’s,” says psychology professor Alan Marlatt, PhD, who has studied the topic of resolutions for over 20 years at the University of Washington.
4. Get help if you need it
Staying positive and seeking help when you need it will help you stick to your resolutions. There are countless resources, advice, and support available for whatever you’re striving to achieve.
If your plan isn’t producing results, or if you’re stressed or overwhelmed, take a moment to reexamine your goals and get help from family, friends, and professionals who are experts in what you’re trying to achieve. Join a support group, meet with a dietitian, or schedule a session with a personal trainer. Sharing your struggles with someone else and getting help will make your goals more attainable.
BONUS TIP: Make the right investment
To stay motivated throughout the year, consider investing in books, tools, apps, resources, and other items that will help you be successful with your goals.
Buying new workout clothes and gear will make you feel good when you head to the gym. A new healthy cookbook might be just what you need to motivate you to try more healthy meals. A water bottle will be a good reminder to drink more water throughout the day. And a powerful budgeting app can help you stay on track with your new saving goals. You can also consider taking a class or joining a club to achieve your goals of learning something new.
Apps & resources for your resolutions
Here are some additional tips and resources for some of the most popular and common New Year’s resolutions.
1. Get more exercise
Start by finding simple ways to get more movement throughout the day, such as taking the stairs, parking your car farther away, or walking on your lunch, instead of mindlessly scrolling social media. Invest in workout clothes and gear that will make you feel good, and schedule your workouts just like you would any other important appointment.
Try different types of workouts to find something you really enjoy. Fitness Blender, DAREBEE, and HASfit offer free videos and workout routines you can do right at home. The Nike Training Club app is another resource that offers free video workouts and tips for all levels.
Eating healthy also means drinking healthy. Start by tracking your water intake and minimizing any sugary beverages you enjoy on a regular basis, or switching to black coffee. Try cooking one new healthy recipe each week and adding fruits and vegetables to every meal.
There’s no shortage of healthy recipes on the web, along with free apps, such as SuperFood – Healthy Recipes, which offers a calorie counter with relevant nutrition information. If you’re looking for a meal planning tool, consider mealime or the wide variety of healthy meal plans available at EatingWell. Guys who are new to cooking will enjoy Fit Men Cook, which offers easy, practical, and healthy recipes, including keto, vegetarian, and vegan options.
The goal of losing weight should really start with a visit to the doctor to ensure your health is in check before starting a weight loss plan. Excess weight can be caused or related to a number of health issues, and not every diet or exercise plan is safe or effective for everyone.
Once your doctor provides you with safe goals that complement your lifestyle, you can use free apps like MyFitnessPal or MyNetDiary to track your daily nutrition, physical activity, and sleep.
If getting out of debt or building up your savings is your resolution, there are plenty of resources and helpful apps to make the process easy.
For help with building a budget, start with Dave Ramsey’s site and his free Guide to Budgeting from EveryDollar, which covers how to create a budget, pay off debt and start saving. EveryDollar also offers a budgeting app, which allows you to track your spending, plan expenses, and set financial goals. (The app has free and paid versions.) Mint is another great option for managing your finances; the free app offers budgeting, credit score information, investment tracking tools, and other useful features. For a small fee, the You Need A Budget and Oportun apps are popular alternatives, and each offers a free trial.
Managing daily stress and providing self care are on a lot of New Year’s resolution lists these days — and there are many ways to achieve these goals.
Start with basics, such as making sure you get enough sleep, exercise, and fresh air. Keep a sleep journal or look for apps that help you track your sleep habits. Also consider a relaxation app that helps with breathing exercises, mindfulness, and mediation, such as Calm or Pacifica. Get your steps in each day, preferably outside and in nature. Find activities and hobbies that bring you joy, and make time to unwind and relax at the end of the day with a good book, puzzle or game, glass of wine, cozy blanket, and scented candle.
We all want a cleaner, more organized home, and achieving this is probably easier than you think.
Start by creating a command center where your calendar, schedules, appointments, and other important information can be visible to all family members. Add a spot for everyone to leave their keys, backpacks, purses, and other important belongings.
When it comes the kids, consider implementing chore charts, cleaning schedules, rewards, and other methods to get everyone involved in keeping the home clean and organized.
For organization advice and inspiration, look to Marie Kondo and The Home Edit, both of which have shows on Netflix that are as informative as they are entertaining.
Change is the only constant in life, but going through it isn’t always easy. Periods of transition — especially when they completely upend the daily routines we have become used to — can be stressful even during the best of times. But when we’re moving through difficult experiences such as grief, illness, or another stage of adversity, an abrupt shift in both our schedules and the new levels of effort and attention that are required of us can leave us feeling burned out.
With all the everyday responsibilities we have — work, school, family, etc. — it’s important to understand the toll that pushing ourselves beyond our sustainable limits can take on our physical, emotional, and mental health.
In a recent “Light After Loss” episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer spoke about burnout, boundaries, and the need to continually check in on your own personal state with Jen Fisher, U.S. human sustainability leader at Deloitte and a leading voice on the intersection of work, well-being, and purpose. Fisher also hosts the WorkWell podcast series and recently gave a TedXTalk on “The Future of Work.”
Here are some of highlights from their conversation.
What is burnout, anyway?
The tricky thing about this term is that it’s not a medical or mental health diagnosis (although the World Health Organization has recognized it as a workplace crisis). In general, burnout is the feeling of being generally emotionally and physically exhausted to the point where it interferes with our ability to live our daily life. Another tricky aspect is that many people don’t realize they are in the burnout zone until it is too late.
We get to burnout by telling ourselves that we can just keep pushing through the things we feel we “need to do” all the time: finish that work project, go to the gym every day, attend a variety of events on our calendar. But pushing through when we are exhausted is actually the most unhealthy thing we can do.
How can we recognize burnout?
Ironically, when we’re dealing with burnout, it’s sometimes easier for the people who know and care about us to see us struggling with it than we can. They may notice that we seem different than usual and ask if we’re doing OK.
Some of the common signs of burnout can deeply impact various aspects of our entire well-being. Make note of whether you are experiencing some of the following ones, either as pointed out to you by someone who cares about you or if you notice it yourself. If you are, it may be time to seek professional help.
Physical
Fatigue (feeling like sleeping much of the time or struggling to do even simple tasks)
Apathy
Inability to concentrate
Headaches
Changes in diet
Emotional
Feelings of apathy or defeat
Strong self-criticism
Feelings of detachment
Heightened anxiety or unease
Irritation
Difficulty or inability to find satisfaction in parts of your life that typically bring you joy
Social
A decreased desire to spend time and/or connect with family and friends
Struggling with maintaining focus and productivity
Decreased expressiveness
Loss of a sense of self
How can we start to come back from burnout?
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
We have only a finite amount of time and energy — boundaries are what allow us to take care of ourselves. The cliché “Put your oxygen mask on first” is a cliché for a reason: If we don’t draw boundaries around our actual abilities, the world around us will be glad to draw them for us (or even erase them).
Here are three ways to effectively create boundaries.
1. Make yourself a priority
All of us have ongoing non-negotiable responsibilities, such as those related to being parents, our jobs, our partners, etc. But it’s also important to create a list of your personal and professional “non negotiables.” What are the things you need to do on a daily, weekly, monthly, or even annual basis that allow you to be “you”? Include both small and bigger things, such as a daily sleep schedule, regular exercise, time with friends and family, activities such as reading or being in nature, or even a yearly vacation. Write them down where you can see them every day and make a habit of sticking to them. Doing this — protecting your emotional, mental, and physical space — naturally creates healthy boundaries. And by guarding that space for yourself, you can be more aware of the time and energy you’ll have left over to offer to others.
2. It’s OK to say “no”
Remember: “No” (or even “Not right now”) is a full sentence. It’s important to ask yourself: “Should I be doing this thing at this exact moment or can I do it later, or even not at all?” Practice saying “No” to invitations that feel like they’re too much or don’t fall within your interests. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell someone you aren’t available to help them with something at a particular time and instead offer another time that works better for you (or to connect them with someone else who is more available to help).
3. Clear communication is key
Maintain open and honest communication about your abilities with managers, friends, and family (and what they can do to help you stay within them), as well as speak with a supportive mental health professional. Chances are that the people who care about you will want to help you uphold what you need to do to take care of yourself, but we need to clearly communicate those needs so there’s no confusion about what they are.
This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversation about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.
Limericks are instantly recognizable; no one would ever think a limerick was a sonnet or haiku. Edward Lear, a British poet and artist who wrote and illustrated 109 limericks in The Book of Nonsense, published in 1846, said he was inspired by a nursery rhyme.
The rules of limericks are simple:
They have five lines.
Lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme.
Lines 3 and 4 rhyme.
They have a distinctive rhythm (the technical term is metre).
That rhythm, known as “anapestic,” requires that 1, 2, and 5 have three strong syllables and 3 and 4 only two. But you don’t have to count; read limericks aloud and the rhythm will be in your head.
Limericks caught on and evolved
Lear didn’t invent limericks, or use the term, and we don’t know how they arose. One possibility is that the form developed as verses added to an Irish soldiers’ song, “Will You Come Up to Limerick?” (Limerick is a major city in Ireland.) By the end of the 1800s, important men of letters began showing off their limerick skills, and in the next century, magazines and companies were holding contests. Limericks were silly, bawdy, or super clever, as in this tongue twister:
A tutor who taught on the flute
Tried to teach two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot,
or to tutor two tooters to toot?”
Modern science or any topic can inspire a limerick, as in this mind bender:
There was a young woman named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
Or this lament:
I once fell in love with a blonde,
But found that she wasn’t so fond.
Of my pet turtle named Odle,
whom I’d taught how to Yodel,
So she dumped him outside in the pond.
Notice that one-syllable words are more common in limericks, but a rhyme involving more than one syllable makes it funnier (Odle and Yodle), and you can make up a word for your purpose (such as Odle.)
This is a famous example of that method, by the Tennessee poet Dixon Lanier Merritt:
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill holds more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week,
But I’m damned if I see how the helican.”
It’s hard to resist a smile at these. The form is inherently silly. In fact, writing a sad limerick would be a major achievement.
How to get started writing limericks
As writers and poets get their inspiration in different ways, and from different places, there is no one-size-fits-all method for crafting a limerick.
If you’re feeling like giving it a go for St. Patrick’s Day, or any time of year, here are eight ideas for getting that quintain down on paper.
Start with “There once was an Old Man with a beard.” Enter “beard” into an online rhyme program, such as RhymeZone or Rhyme Finder. Choose two words that rhyme with “beard.” Contemplate a story involving those three words. Find a rhyme pair for the middle. When the answer comes, you should feel a satisfying “click.”
For the advanced class, do this with multi-syllable words. Ideally, all the syllables will rhyme, but you can get away with rhyming only the last syllable. The aforementioned rhyming websites will give you lots of options.
Think of a funny place name, such as Why (Arizona) or Kill (Ireland), and start with “There once was a sly guy from Why.” Any extra rhymes, such as sly, guy, and Why here, make it funnier.
Think of a favorite joke and apply the limerick format. Let it evolve.
Think of five lines from a pop song you absolutely hate and ridicule them as a limerick.
Take sad lines from a song or poem and watch them turn funny as a limerick.
As you settle in to sleep, tell yourself you’ll wake up with a limerick.
Look up limericks online and memorize one or two. Go to sleep. When you wake up, you might remember them incorrectly and be on your way to a new one.
Arise at sunrise and drink a lime rickey. Fancy yourself a limericker. Be tricky!
Family caregivers come in many forms. They can be partners, children, siblings, parents, grandparents, or any relative who gives of their time to help someone in need.
In 2020, the United States had more than 53 million family caregivers, and that number increased during the COVID-19 pandemic due to several factors, including closing adult day centers, a decreased professional caregiving workforce, and families taking their loved ones out of long-term care for fear of contagion. Currently, about one in five Americans is a caregiver, and their challenges are legion.
In a recent “Light After Loss” Facebook Live episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer spoke with Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, a grief services coordinator and head of the Dougy Center’s Pathways program, which helps families when a family member is living with an advanced serious illness. Here are some key takeaways from their conversation.
What makes caregiving so challenging in the United States?
Many countries provide a wide range of publicly funded access to caregiving, which translates to equal access for all. When money is no longer an issue, everyone can have access to quality care.
In the United States, hiring a professional caregiver can be an enormous financial burden. If the cost is too high, family members must decide if they can afford to take the time they need to provide the care themselves, or if they can figure out a way to keep their current employment while also being a caregiver. Long-term care insurance is available in the U.S., but it needs to be set up well in advance of actually needing such a thing and can also only be used for assisted living.
How can intensive family caregiving throw off the balance of someone’s life?
Caregiving can have a wide-ranging impact, potentially affecting everything from one’s emotional and mental health to his or her financial wellness. Some people work extra jobs in order to make additional income; others take on more work outside the home just to have a social outlet that they don’t have in their caregiving role. Family caregivers — especially ones filling that role in the long term — can see their lifetime earning potential take a significant hit. Some people burn through their retirement savings so they can cover the expenses of caregiving, and many give up precious access to friends and leisurely pursuits.
What are some feelings caregivers struggle with?
Caregiving is an emotionally complex experience. Those who provide family care are not always doing a job that they want to do — be it temporary or long term — and the emotions they can feel can be heightened if they are isolated in their roles at home. They also might struggle with hypervigilance about all the details that they need to take care of, guilt over wishing they were somewhere else (even when they are somewhere else), or resentment toward other family members who are not helping as much.
How can caregivers find support?
If you’re a caregiver and are feeling overwhelmed in the role, seek help. The best advice is to start small, especially if you haven’t made a practice of self-care in your caregiving role.
Here are six ways to get the support you need as a caregiver.
1. Give yourself permission to have a break
This can include making yourself take five-minute timeouts. Being able to take even a short rest and do some deep breathing to get oxygen back into your body can help your mind to sharpen and reset.
2. Make sure you get enough hydration
This may seem obvious, but when you’re continually focused on someone else, it’s easy to forget your own basic needs.
3. Focus on good nutrition
You need stamina — both the physical and mental kind — to endure the caregiving marathon you’re in, and that means giving your body the proper nourishment. Instead of skipping meals and snacking whenever you have a free moment, make sure you sit down for solid meals throughout the day.
4. Get some mental health support
Are you dealing with a cancer diagnosis, or Alzheimer’s? It can be hugely helpful to know you are not the only one in your situation. There are many situation-specific support groups that can provide help, both virtually and in person. Organizations such as The Dougy Center offer peer support groups as well.
5. Ask others for something specific
Do you need someone to pick up your kids from school? Fold your laundry? Clean your house? Reach out to friends or other relatives for assistance. The sooner you ask, the sooner you will get the help you need.
6. Offer to do something specific for a caregiver
If you’re someone supporting a caregiver, instead of saying “I’m here for whatever you need,” try something like “Do you need groceries picked up?” or “Do you need gas put in your car?” Everyone has something specific they can easily do for someone else, and doing so can make a huge difference in the life of a caregiver.
This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversation about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.
Spring is not quite in the air yet. With weeks to go before it’s officially a new season, and the end of the winter tending to linger, engaging in self-care is a must. And if anyone knows how to capitalize on winter, it’s Scandinavians. “We go to work or school in the dark, we watch the sun from behind a window, and the light disappears before we head back home,” says Johnny Van Duong, a project manager in civil engineering and a resident of Oslo, Norway.
With the winters being quite long and dark, we all need some extra care and the classic winter hygge happens with lots of cozy blankets.
Katinka Friis
Public Relations & Press Manager
VisitDenmark
How do Van Duong and his fellow Scandinavians beat the winter blues? They practice hygge, (pronounced HEW-guh), which means creating a cozy environment and enjoying simple comforts. During the winter, Scandinavians emphasize cooking, believing that preparing food is more satisfying than pulling a meal from a delivery bag. Engagement is found in stimulating entertainment that doesn’t come with a screen, such as puzzles, crafts, and reading. Winter sports are not only invigorating but a way of life. It’s not uncommon to see a neighbor telemarking to a friend’s house to deliver a homemade care package.
Pictures of woolen socks, reading by the fire, and activities that promote comfort and warmth are heavily promoted on social media. “With the winters being quite long and dark, we all need some extra care, and the classic winter hygge happens with lots of cozy blankets,” says Katinka Friis, public relations and press manager for VisitDenmark.
Here are six mood-boosting winter practices to follow based on hygge.
1. Cozy days
Van Duong regularly engages in Fredags hygge or Søndags hygge, which directly translates to “Friday coziness” and “Sunday coziness.” On Fridays, friends gather for a taco or pizza dinner and socialize in a comfortable atmosphere, such as someone’s home or a restaurant. Sundays are more robust if the weather allows it. One of Van Duong’s favorite Søndags hygge activities is cross country skiing. “We’ll camp somewhere, light a bonfire, grill sausages, and have a winter lunch/picnic with seats dug in the snow,” he says.
Oslo, Norway, resident Johnny Van Duong and his friends enjoy “Sunday Cozy,” a Norwegian hygge custom that includes engaging in robust winter activities.
2. Cabin culture
Going on cabin retreats to escape the demands of work and the obsessive connection to digital devices is a Norwegian winter hygge ritual. “We appreciate the quality time we get to spend with friends and family,” Van Duong says. Cabin culture activities include building a fire, playing board games, chopping wood, baking, and lighting candles. “You wouldn’t have that during the summer, would you?” Van Duong adds.
3. Just add flowers and plants
If there’s one way to bring harbingers of a warmer season into the home, it’s with flowers and plants, which contribute to hygge practices. Anything from an elaborate arrangement to easy-to-care-for succulents can emit joy through their color, beauty, and scent. “I love having flowers,” says Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist and author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power tribute to Your Anxiety” who recommends partaking in the spirit of hygge. “Flowers, plants, or an herb garden is a way to bring nature indoors and elevate a mood.”
Winters are challenging for Valerie Ghitelman, 1-800-Flowers.com vice president of product development, sourcing, and design, because she cannot spend time in her garden. So how does Ghitelman get around this predicament? With fresh flowers, of course, and having elements of nature indoors. “Hygge is who I am,” she says. “I bring home colorful flowers at least once a week to help me get through the gloomy months of winter,” she says. Here’s another idea: Guarantee a regular cycle of flower deliveries by treating yourself to a monthly flower subscription.
Nurturing beverages provide comfort and warmth and, thus, are part of the hygge ritual. The act of drinking tea is a way to embrace the quiet and peaceful solitude of winter, says Emeric Harney, marketing director of Harney Tea. “Look at teatime as ‘me time,’” he says. “A time to engage in comfort activities with a cuddly throw, your favorite human or fur friend, and a good book.”
And then there’s the other beloved winter drink — hot cocoa. The sweet, warm taste lifts the spirits of people of all ages. “Personally, for me, beating winter has to be that hot cup of cocoa with extra whipped cream and mini-marshmallows after getting inside and escaping the cold,” Van Duong says.
5. Outdoor fitness is foremost
Hygge also involves exercising outside, which promotes feelings of positivity. “Even on the coldest days, the Danes bring hygge down to the harbor front or the beach, where they jump in the icy waters and reheat with their thermos filled with coffee or hot chocolate and some indulgent baked goods from the local bakeries,” Friis says.
Carmichael explains that fitness is needed to increase dopamine levels, which are lower in the winter. These neurotransmitters emit pleasure to the body, thus placing increased importance on activity. “Fitness gives us that efficacy to give us control of ourselves and bodies,” she says.
But it’s so cold out! Try these tips . . .
Venturing outside in the cold may not seem like an enticing option, but once you’re outside and moving, you’ll feel the benefits.
One of Carmichael’s preferred hygge activities is winter walks. She recommends keeping it interesting by making it a private scavenger hunt, where you look for 10 signs of winter along the way. Homing in on icicles or how your breath freezes in the air can have a wondrous, mood-enhancing effect.
Want an even greater challenge? Wear a weighted vest or listen to high-energy music to get the heart rate up and connect with nature all at once.
Social activity
How can you bring in a social element to your fitness routine? Carmichael says to further multitask your winter walks by asking a friend to join you, which is beneficial since we tend to be less social in winter. This way you connect with friends, stay fit, and are outdoors.
6. Positive engagement
Hibernation also has its benefits, Carmichael notes. Hygge can be achieved by consciously sleeping in. Make a delicious stew. Map out your spring and summer plans. “Find out when Memorial Day is and research state parks to visit in your area or a great site for a picnic. Targeting dates help your brain realize that winter will not last forever,” she says.
Despite the climate, Scandinavia ranks as the world’s happiest place to live. By making a point to include uplifting activities daily — such as lighting candles, surrounding ourselves with fresh flowers, fitness, and preparing delicious meals — winter becomes a more welcomed time of year.
“I encourage people to look at self-care as a living, organic thing. We need to stay open and flexible, and not try to keep doing things the way we have always done them.
Vanessa Joy Walker
Certified life and leadership coach
The past few years have been filled with uncertainty. This turbulent time has challenged our ability to maintain a hopeful outlook. Yet, a large body of research shows that positive thinking benefits our immune system as well as our overall mental and physical well-being.
Developing an upbeat attitude is not about ignoring the troubles of life; it’s about making room for the good things that happen — no matter how small they may be.
“Sometimes the best path toward a more positive mindset is finding the freedom to dig into all the messy stuff in a way that is productive,” says Vanessa Joy Walker, a certified life and leadership coach, and author of the book “Make Room for Joy.” “When we do that, we can see the possibilities that are embedded in the problems.”
4 steps to leading a more positive life
We all have our own “messy stuff” to deal with — some more than others — and Walker understands that. Here, she offers four ways for how to be more positive in our everyday lives.
1. Live for today
“Sometimes, we get so focused on the past or the future that we don’t experience the present,” she explains. “We are constantly scrolling — and not just on social media but in our lives — to find the things that will fill us up. But we are missing what is happening right now.”
Walker suggests setting aside time to identify the things that are stressing us out and deciding how we feel about them. Taking only 15 minutes to write down these concerns, she says, can help alleviate anxiety and fear.
“Addressing the mess is essential, but give yourself boundaries,” she emphasizes. “I always say, ‘Address those worries, but don’t take a bath in them.'”
2. Practice the pause
“We all say we want to practice more self-care and find more peace. But, then, why is it so difficult for us to just be still?” she asks.
Walker says she uses a timer to remind herself to take short breaks throughout the day. These pauses can include taking a walk, making a cup of tea, reading a book, or taking a quick nap. “No social media and no using the pause as something to check off your to-do list,” she advises, adding that the type of break can differ according to what your needs are on that particular day.
3. Express gratitude
“Gratitude is a posture, a way of looking at life,” Walker says. “It allows us to see possibilities in our problems. When we see possibilities, we are more hopeful. And when we are more hopeful, we have a positive mindset.”
While Walker says it’s important for us to express gratitude as much as we can, she acknowledges that having to come up with a list of things for which we are thankful can feel overwhelming or burdensome. In those cases, it’s OK to dial it back. “It can be just one thing,” Walker says. “It’s almost impossible not to find one thing to be grateful for.”
4. Embrace flexibility
“When things are uncertain, our routines and rituals change,” Walker says. “I encourage people to look at self-care as a living, organic thing. We need to stay open and flexible, and not try to keep doing things the way we have always done them.”
One of the benefits of cultivating a more positive outlook is that it can be contagious. When you model a hopeful attitude, it encourages others to do the same thing.
The importance of ‘being there’
Another way to share a message of hope is by giving gifts — an act that is scientifically proven to be just as beneficial to the giver as the receiver. When you get a gift for someone, it shows them that you are there for them, and that, in turn, can help them — and you — become more positive.
Walker puts it this way: “Over the past few years, all of us have experienced uncertainty, fear, frustration, and grief. That grief may be the loss of a loved one or the grief for the past — that (sense of) ‘normal’ that may never happen again.
“But when you step into that mess with someone and say, ‘I am here for you,’ that is empathy. And that can help both of you feel a little bit better.”
For many of us, the dawn of a new year is a time for taking stock of who we are and where we are in life, and for setting goals for the next 12 months.
To wit: More than 50% of those surveyed by Statista started 2023 with a pledge to exercise more. Other top goals that made the list — and tend to show up every year — are eating healthier (50%), losing weight (40%), saving money (39%), and spending more time with family and friends (37%).
Find the thing that fills your proverbial cup and then work toward having more of that in your life every day.
alexa darrow
Life enhancement and mindset coach
However, studies also show that less than 10% of people who set goals for the new year, often called New Year’s resolutions, actually keep them. If setting goals is important — and academic research, such as this groundbreaking study by renowned American psychologist Edwin Locke, shows it is — then why are we so bad at achieving them? Or are we just expecting too much of ourselves?
“I feel that we often put too much pressure on ourselves with New Year’s resolutions,” says Alexa Darrow, a Portland, Oregon-based life enhancement and mindset coach. “We seem to have a need to set unrealistic goals for ourselves, and then when we get to a place when we haven’t met these goals, we feel guilty about it.”
Darrow says that over the past few years — a period during which there has been much societal upheaval — she has changed her mindset about goal setting for both herself and her clients. “Instead of looking at goals as things I want to achieve, I look at them as things I want to manifest,” she explains.
Darrow encourages her clients to consider what will bring them the most joy and then think of the steps that will lead to that change in their lives. Using weight loss as an example, she says, “Instead of putting pressure on yourself to lose 30 pounds in a year, I ask my clients to break that down into smaller, achievable goals.”
She emphasizes the lifestyle changes that go into losing weight but asks clients to be wary of trying to do too much, too soon. “Maybe you can start with working out once a week, or two to three times a week,” she suggests. “Or try to have two dinners at home each week instead of committing to five.”
Our culture’s reliance on instant gratification also plays into the pressure we put on ourselves with regard to goal setting. “Whether it’s losing weight or saving money for a house, we want to see results quickly,” Darrow says. “But these bigger goals take time. We need to have patience with ourselves. Achieving your goal may take two years, but if you take a step back, you can see that each day you are making progress.”
But what happens if you occasionally fall short? Many of her clients, Darrow says, struggle with self-criticism if they falter in the steps toward their goals. “A bad day doesn’t have to set you off course,” she says. “You can’t beat yourself up over it. You always have a new opportunity to get back on track.”
If anything positive has come out of the pandemic, Darrow says, it’s that it has caused us to look inward, and focus more on what is most important to us and brings us happiness.
“What I’ve learned is to find the joy where you can,” Darrow says. “I encourage my clients to find the thing that fills your proverbial cup and then work toward having more of that in your life every day.”
A great way to stay motivated as you work toward long-term goals is by rewarding yourself for achieving small milestones. Here are four ways to celebrate your success.
1. Keep a gratitude list
Darrow suggests writing down two or three things you are grateful for each day. “Then take it one step further by adding in your achievements of the day,” she adds. “It’s really nice to read the small accomplishments you’ve made over a week.”
2. Do something relaxing
Take a soothing bath or go on an invigorating hike. Don’t be afraid to do something for you.
3. Seek daily affirmations
Write inspiring quotes on sticky notes and place them where they will give you a boost of confidence. Or get a jar that already has the messages written out on slips of paper.
4. Purchase small, meaningful gifts
These could run the gamut, from a special candle to a new kind of tea to a bouquet of fresh flowers.
Are you someone who recently met a challenging goal, or do you know someone who has? Then it’s time to celebrate! Here are three gift ideas to honor this potentially life-changing work.
Did your close friend get that promotion at work? Buy that car they’ve had their eye on? Good for her! Now, it’s time to reward her. This bright and lively arrangement of roses, mini Gerbera daisies, Peruvian lilies, and more will show them how proud you are of their accomplishment.
We know of no better way to congratulate yourself or someone else than with a gift of flowers and cookies. This lovely rose plant arrives in a colorful striped container along with a cheerful “Congrats” balloon. Add to the fun with a jar full of yummy chocolate chip cookies.
Meeting even small steps toward a new goal is worth acknowledging. This attractive hand-woven basket with the message “Congratulations” on the decorative ribbon is stuffed to the brim with delicious snacks, including snickerdoodle cookies, chocolate covered graham crackers, kettle popcorn, and a whole lot more.
Dinner parties may look different today than they did a long time ago, with fewer guests in gloves and footmen bringing dishes to the table. However, the basic behavior to which attendees are expected to adhere remains unchanged.
“Years ago, you’d drive up in a horse and carriage; now you drive up in an Uber. Life changes, but courtesy remains the same,” says Diane Gottsman, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.
General dinner guest etiquette guidelines still apply, and should be simple to follow:
Don’t bring a friend unannounced.
Put the phone away.
Thank the host as you leave.
If you’re concerned, however, that your dinner party skills are a bit rusty, we’ve got a brief yet thorough primer on how you can be the best possible dinner guest, from when to RSVP to knowing when to leave.
You do want to be invited back, right?
14 rules of dinner guest etiquette
When should I RSVP?
Don’t leave the host waiting too long for a head count. When you receive an invitation, check your availability and RSVP within a week, Gottsman says.
“Oftentimes, [the invitation] will give you a deadline,” she says. “Sooner is always better.”
You certainly have five or 10 minutes that you can run late, but you don’t have 15 or 20 — and you never arrive early.
Diane Gottsman
Etiquette expert
What should I wear?
Yes, there is a time and place for you to rock that Hawaiian shirt, but if the invite doesn’t specify what type of attire you should wear, ask the host about the dress code.
“That’s a perfectly normal question,” Gottsman says, “because they might say, ‘Listen, come casual; I’m going to be coming from Pilates class, so I’ll be in my workout clothes.'”
For cocktail attire, a shorter elegant dress should suffice; men can safely don a dark suit or sport coat and tie. Smart casual can mean a knee-length or longer skirt and heels for women, and slacks with a collared shirt for men. A dressy casual event can translate to nice pants or a skirt for women, and trousers and a dress shirt for men, possibly worn with a blazer or sports coat. Pocket squares are optional.
Does anyone still host formal soirees at their homes anymore? If so, dust off your tuxedo, fellas. Ladies, fancy attire for you means a long dress or slacks, preferably in a lush fabric, such as velvet, chiffon, or silk.
Should I mention any allergies or dietary restrictions?
Absolutely! “You can say, ‘I just want to remind you I have a nut allergy. May I bring a dish I can share with everyone? I don’t want to put you out,'” Gottsman says. “The host will probably say, ‘I’m going to make something special for you.’ Or they may say, ‘Absolutely, please do!'” Great hosts are very accommodating.
Can I bring a dish?
Sure, just let the host know ahead of time that’d you’d like to bring a dessert or other item — but find out if it’d be OK, Gottsman says.
“The host has prepared a very specific menu,” she says. “You don’t ever want to just show up with a dish with the expectation they’re going to serve it.”
What should I bring for the host: Wine? A gift? Both? Something else?
Gottsman is a proponent of bringing a hostess gift as a thank you. This can be anything the person will enjoy, ranging from gourmet cake mix to a useful set of linen or paper cocktail napkins.
“If you don’t know them well, just bring a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates,” she says. “If it’s a large gathering, put your name on it, because there are different gifts, and hosts don’t know who to send a thank you to.”
When should I arrive?
“You certainly have five or 10 minutes that you can run late, but you don’t have 15 or 20 — and you never arrive early,” Gottsman says.
While being on time to a dinner party is always advisable, the host may be busy attending to last-minute details in the moments beforehand, so try not to show up early — something a survey conducted by Joybird found hosts view as one of the worst guest faux pas.
“Stop at a store, park in a parking lot; don’t show up and sit in front of the house because that still puts pressure on the host,” Gottsman says.
Can I use my phone at the party?
Avoid interacting with your phone. Keep it out of sight and turn on the do not disturb setting, if possible.
“Parents will say, ‘My babysitter may be calling,'” Gottsman says. “If you have to have it near you, it needs to be off the table, on your lap, on vibrate. We don’t want to see the phone. It’s distracting, and you’re not going to be texting or taking calls unless it’s an emergency.”
Should I let the host start conversations?
Coming to a dinner party equipped with conversation fodder can facilitate interactions with other guests.
“Part of the duty of a good guest is to appear engaged and interested,” Gottsman says. “Make sure you’re asking questions, listening to conversations; think about travel, movies, pets. There are a multitude of topics you can bring up.”
Can I eat as much as I want?
If guests are told to serve themselves during the meal, Gottsman says you are free to help yourself to a second portion after everybody has had their first.
“But don’t go back for thirds,” she says. “You don’t want to appear to be a glutton.”
What if I don’t like the meal?
If, conversely, you’re not crazy about the food, just eat what you can and act positive if asked about it.
“If people say, ‘You didn’t eat that much,’ you don’t have to say, ‘I don’t like it,'” Gottsman says. “Say, ‘Oh gosh, it was such generous portions I couldn’t finish it, but it was delicious.'”
Who cleans up?
After the meal, offering to help clear the table is a thoughtful move.
“If they say, ‘No, no, please have a seat, I’m going to do this myself,’ let them,” Gottsman says. “Maybe they don’t want you to go into the kitchen; they want to handle their china themselves. You have to follow the lead of the host and respect whatever their response is.”
When should I leave?
Learn to read the room, Gottsman says.
“The best time to leave is before everybody starts to,” she says. “After dessert, wait a few minutes; you’ll know when the party is winding down. You never want to be the last one walking out the door.”
How can I thank the host afterward?
Sending a note thanking the host for a great dinner is a nice gesture.
“Nothing is as thoughtful as a handwritten note,” Gottsman says. “You can even give them a call — and you can do both, if you’d like.”
Are there different rules depending on your relationship to the host?
If the host is a good friend, reaching out the next day informally via text may be fine. Although it’s often easy to take a more casual approach with family, consider calling relatives after a dinner party to thank them for having you over.
“We tend to be less polite to our family members, and we should treat our family as nicely as we would our best client,” Gottsman says. “You want to follow up the next day and let them know how special it was to spend time with them.”
What if I make a faux pas?
In addition to tossing out any gum you might be chewing before entering the party, Gottsman recommends trying to make the host’s evening a bit less stressful by being social.
“Don’t monopolize the host’s time, because they have a lot to do,” she says. “Make sure you’re talking to all guests, not just the people you know. Make it a point to introduce yourself to people you haven’t met because it makes the host feel comfortable. The host is always worried people aren’t having fun.”
