Category: Share your Love

On Valentine’s Day, people come together to celebrate love in all its forms. In this series, A Dozen Reasons, we explore special relationships that are on full display — and their life-affirming benefits. #NoLimitsOnLove

Sometimes love takes you on a circuitous route through life, but if you follow the directions, every day can be Valentine’s Day, no matter where you end up.

Take Arnie and Kathy Simonse. They left their comfortable life in the Washington, D.C., suburbs as soon as the youngest of their five kids moved out — and they wound their way up and around Appalachia’s twisting ribbon roads to be full-time volunteers in a depressed rural county in the West Virginia coalfields.

That was more than 20 years ago, and they have planted roots in the community they fell in love with. They both agree that sharing the same life compass and helping others continues to deepen their love for each other and their long-term relationship.

On the face of it, though, they had everything they needed right where they were. “We were very happy in our jobs,” says Arnie, 82, looking back. He had a doctorate in social work and was the director of a midsize nonprofit in Washington, and Kathy was enjoying teaching music.

But in the quiet that had descended on their empty nest, they recognized a need. “I was a little over 60 and Kathy was in her early 50s when our last child left for college. We sat and looked at each other and said, ‘What now? Are we just going to sit here? Is that it?’ We independently had the same gut feeling that it was time to move on when we were feeling happy with our jobs and young enough.”

Bringing meaning to life through acts of service

Arnie and Kathy seem to have a knack for always being on the same page, and that’s stood them in good stead over the years. They left suburbia without looking back, and joined a small volunteer community in Wyoming County, West Virginia, to spend a year with the PV Program, an ecumenical nonprofit. There they worked in the local foodbank (which they now run), visited homebound people, and helped the local St. Vincent de Paul with home repair and furniture distribution for families in need, and Kathy again taught music.

They were hooked. That was 20-plus years ago, and they still live in the small town of Pineville. “We love where we are in West Virginia,” Arnie explains. “We had to get away from the rat race in the D.C. area, from money, competition, everyone wanting to be winning.

“There’s a simplicity of life and beauty of nature here, and in the people and their culture there’s a definite ‘love of place,’” he explains. “People define who they are by these mountains, and I feel there’s a sadness about migration due to lack of employment — when someone leaves, it’s a tragedy.”

With their backgrounds in social work and teaching, they could fit in right away and help the community, and they quickly felt at home as they got to know people.

After they arrived in West Virginia, Arnie taught social work at Mountain State University in Beckley for 15 years, and Kathy brought music back to the cash-strapped school district as an enthusiastic volunteer.

“We would have just rusted where we were,” says Arnie. “It wasn’t enough, wonderful as it was. Community still exists in West Virginia, and we didn’t feel alone down here. We’re happy.”

They still travel every summer to visit their children and grandkids, from Hawaii to California and then on to the East Coast. “Our kids are spread out — in a sense it’s wonderful, but in a sense it splits the family,” Kathy says. One of their sons has serious autism; the other four are independent, self-driven people. “They all do what they love; they are their own people.”

Love, laughter, and keeping things simple

There weren’t any fireworks when the couple met through a friend in 1971 — by all accounts it was a “hello-how-are-you” moment.
Arnie had been a Catholic priest and Kathy a nun, though they had both left their communities before they met each other. They were living in D.C. and looking for work. “It was an ordinary meeting, it was simple,” says Arnie. “And we had an ordinary courtship, which is nice in a way…no drama.”

“The thing that drew me to Arnie was his sense of humor,” Kathy recalls. “He made me laugh! He didn’t take himself or life too seriously. He was like Zorba the Greek — a big-hearted, generous soul, dancing through life in sorrow or joy. Who could not fall for such a guy!”

We would have just rusted where we were. It wasn’t enough, wonderful as it was. Community still exists in West Virginia, and we didn’t feel alone down here. We’re happy.

Arnie Simonse

They both say, matter-of-factly, that they are extremely close. “We’ve had an absolutely wonderful almost 50 years — our marriage has been fairly smooth sailing,” Arnie explains. “It’s not a big story…but it shouldn’t be a big story.”

In fact, they seem perplexed by a question about whether they think it’s important not to go to bed angry. “I’m not sure we’ve ever gotten angry,” Arnie says, raising one eyebrow in thought. “Sure, we have disagreements, but not arguments, just discussions.” He attributes that to his and Kathy’s parents. “Our parents didn’t argue. I never heard yelling, and Kathy was much the same. Our parents had good marriages as models for us.”

Have their kids followed in those footsteps too? Arnie laughs. “For our kids, it’s not the same. I’m not sure what I’d be like if I grew up in today’s world — it’s very different, more difficult and more stressful.”

Recipe for a long-term relationship

So, what do they see as the ingredients for a happy, loving relationship?

“Well, we were independent before we met, and I think that’s the No. 1 criterion for a successful marriage — to grow up first,” says Arnie. “We had independent careers. I had been living in Rome for three years doing my doctorate in canon law, and Kathy had been teaching. I think it’s important to pick someone who is compatible in age, maturity, and independent spirit.”

The couple still live that independence in all aspects of their life together. Take Valentine’s Day: “We don’t need this special day to remind us of our relationship — that should be every day,” Arnie says, firmly. “Why not on Feb. 23, when it’s a miserable day in the winter? We should have a hundred Valentine’s Days, because it should happen spontaneously.”

The Simonses also say spirituality is another important anchor they share in life. They have always been involved in the Catholic Church, but “Kathy and I have a different way of looking at things,” Arnie says. “We believe in creation spirituality, that we are here not just for ourselves but to be kind and to help other people because we’re human — we’re connected to all of creation. This spirituality gives a sense of why we’re here and how we should live our lives.”

Touching hearts and making a positive difference in the community

As for today, they are both happy, running the Itmann Food Bank in Mullens, which serves 600 families a month. They organize food distribution but also try to boost clients by helping them grow vegetable gardens and raise chickens. They also work at the St. Vincent de Paul, and Kathy shares her love of music at church and the schools when they are open on site.

If our love has changed over the years, it has only deepened. From days raising a family to days teaching and working in a food bank, it’s all woven from the same cloth.

Kathy Simonse

“If our love has changed over the years, it has only deepened,” Kathy says. “From days raising a family to days teaching and working in a food bank, it’s all woven from the same cloth. To me, it seems that our daily experiences, no matter what they are, lead us to a fuller and deeper understanding of ourselves, each other, life, and love.”

Of course, practical challenges arise in any life and relationship, but Arnie and Kathy don’t let those slow them down. “There are problems such as age and illness when you’re living in a remote place,” Arnie says. “And the roads are not exactly built for old-timers, but now we go as fast as everybody else!”

“We’ve been very lucky — that’s the reality of it.”

The Inmann Food Bank can be reached at P.O. Box 713, Mullens, WV 25882.

On Valentine’s Day, people come together to celebrate love in all its forms. In this series, A Dozen Reasons, we explore special relationships that are on full display — and their life-affirming benefits. #NoLimitsOnLove.

Pati Jinich is a chef, cookbook author, and TV host of the three-time James Beard award-winning PBS series Pati’s Mexican Table. She also co-stars in a deep and loving relationship with her husband Daniel.

Mexico City-born and raised Pati Jinich used to hate blind dates, but that’s how she met her husband Daniel. “A brother-in-law tricked me into going!” she exclaims. “And within a month, we were engaged.” And within a year, they married.

Soon, she and Daniel started a family. Pati worked as a political analyst in a policy research center, thinking she had landed her dream job. But when she experienced what she describes as “an early existential crisis of sorts,” it was Daniel’s support that carried her through her resignation and transition to the food world.

Seeking refuge in a “cave”

Daniel, Pati says, is her biggest fan, and she counts on his support. He offers honest feedback to keep her grounded, help her grow, and remain true to herself. When it comes to the depth of love and trust Pati shares with Daniel, she says, “He gives me so much strength… there’s a word in Spanish that I love using: he’s my refugio (refuge), he’s my cave where I go to be nurtured and I go to feel safe.” She points out that, “[Daniel] has got my back. And I have his.”

After 24 years of marriage, the quality that Pati most loves about her husband is his contagious drive that pushes her to keep growing. “Daniel doesn’t take one minute or one second for granted. And he’s always pushing for learning more, for experiencing more.”

Pati, who grew up in a Jewish Mexican family, looks to a common Yiddish word to describe her husband’s good-heartedness and centered character. “I feel so lucky to be married to Daniel, he is a true mensch,” she says. “He always gives everybody the benefit of a doubt, at every turn.”

Always hungry for more

Central to juggling family and an award-winning career has been sharing the couples’ respective passions with their three sons, Alan (21), Samuel (19), and Julian (14). Recently, Pati’s boys have leapt into the kitchen wholeheartedly with their mom. “I mostly focus on Mexican cooking, but our kids have started cooking all sorts of cuisines besides Mexican food: Italian, Mediterranean, Asian, and a lot of French desserts!” Pati’s food reflects a deep well of Mexican history and culture, but at home, her sons’ kitchen adventures satisfy her ever-curious palate. “I’m learning through them which is very exciting,” she says.

Daniel, 55, and Pati, 48, also share an appetite for life outside of the kitchen, most especially when it comes to building strong relationships with their children. And their passions complement each other. “Daniel plans everything that’s an adventure and outdoors, favorite movies to watch, and inspires the family to learn more and more about science, which he loves,” she says. “And everything that is in the kitchen, and not climbing mountains or camping, that’s me,” Pati says.

Tilling the soil

Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Mexico on Feb. 14, just like in the United States, but it is not all about romance, with the day officially known as El Día del Amor y la Amistad (The Day of Love and Friendship). Pati, however, recounts that she didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day in Mexico at all. But now, she always looks forward to it because it reminds her of her love story with Daniel. In recent years, Daniel has indulged her with love letters, as he knows how much Pati loves those. “I’m just obsessed with handwritten letters,” she laughs.  

This year, Pati looks forward to their new Valentine’s Day tradition. “During the times that we are living, where time is just flowing like an endless weird river, I feel like we need these special dates to mark the passage of time, to give us meaning in the space that we are living. And so, I will use any celebration, any special date, to make a special meal, to mark the week, and of course to get a love letter.”

Beyond just one day of planned love letters, Pati sees her marriage as the most romantic thing Daniel has done for her. “He’s been there day in day out. He’s been honest and good and true and supportive and, as time goes by, you realize what you’re building together,” she says.

I feel so lucky to be married to Daniel. … He always gives everybody the benefit of a doubt, at every turn.

Pati Jinich

Pati’s Mexican Table

She also points out that their relationship is grounded in selflessness. “When you give instead of expect, expect, expect, [love] grows.” Although there is one thing that Pati loves to get each day from Daniel. “Most mornings, Daniel tells me that I look my prettiest when I just wake up. Which I think is a huge lie,” she laughs, “but he can keep saying it because I love hearing it.”

As for other details, she says he’s not big on bringing flowers. “But as time goes by, he’s doing it more. So, when Mother’s Day comes around, [my three boys] will take him to buy me flowers.” 

On Valentine’s Day, people come together to celebrate love in all its forms. In A Dozen Reasons, we explore special relationships that are on full display — and their life-affirming benefits. #NoLimitsOnLove

Like many married couples, Brandon and Lori Richardson plan to celebrate their relationship and shared passions on Valentine’s Day. They might play board games as they did on their early dates, hang out with their dogs, or enjoy a romantic dinner.

But there’s a chance they’ll instead be stabilizing a broken leg, responding to a heart attack, or transporting a COVID-19 patient to the hospital. The Richardsons, it turns out, love not only each other but also the community they serve as emergency medical technicians.

The couple grew up, met, and put down roots in the small town of Marianna, Arkansas (pop. 4,115), about an hour southwest of Memphis. There, they work together in their ambulance and oversee two bases of EMTs who cover their region of Arkansas.

“We grew up in the community we work in, and people know us and know that when we respond, we’ll take good care of them,” Lori says. “When they realize we are married, this brings a new tone to any situation. We can show our patients a relationship others can’t. We can handle any situation — we bring calm and peace just by people knowing we are married.”

Going the extra mile

The couple often go the extra mile for their patients. That care might be emergency calls, but Brandon and Lori also deliver meals to patients and drop off toys for children after a difficult call — once they took care of a patient’s dog for three weeks while he was in the hospital.

Right now, like most first responders, they are struggling to meet the demands of the COVID-19 pandemic, both at work and personally.

“These are difficult times,” Lori says. “We are being pulled in different directions with meetings and calls. There’s a lot of added work, and we rely on each other to see who needs to do what.” She coordinates with local hospitals and dispatch to make sure patients have coverage.

We can show our patients a relationship others can’t. We can handle any situation — we bring calm and peace just by people knowing we are married.

Lori Richardson

EMT

Brandon notes the pressure of transporting patients with severe COVID symptoms — the usual hospitals two hours away are full, so now ambulance crews have to take people five or six hours away. “It’s wearing our crews down,” he says.

He and Lori have cooked dinner for the region’s EMTs a few times to give them support, as well as turning out to cover some calls themselves. COVID numbers have rocketed between local nursing homes and a nearby prison.

Caring for each other and others

From the moment she met Brandon, “I knew we were meant to be together,” Lori says. “We had only been dating a couple of weeks in 2004, when I told my aunt I was going to marry him.” Sure enough, three months later Brandon proposed, and they got married the next year.

Back then, Brandon was already an EMT for Pafford Medical Services, having begun training when he was a senior in high school. Lori became an EMT, too, after first studying to be a nurse.

“I saw how Brandon enjoyed EMT and knew I could have a steady paycheck and spend time with him at work,” she says.

They share many interests that have evolved over their years together.

“When we first started dating, we played cards and board games together. Later, we started raising dogs and going to dog shows,” says Lori. “Now we use our ranch on our free time, planning for the future, growing our dream. We have always been a team since day one.”

Teamwork on the ambulance

The Richardsons clearly love each other, but their community comes a close second. When you ask them how they separate their work life from their home life, there’s a perplexed silence. Turns out they are happy being together 24/7, and they thrive working together in the ambulance.

While many couples finish each other’s sentences, the Richardsons take it a step further and anticipate each other’s needs on emergency calls. “It’s really easy for us to do calls with patients,” Lori explains, “because we each know what the other needs at any moment.”

A few years into Lori’s career, she and Brandon got a call that a baby was not breathing. “We met the family on the side of the road, and they handed me a limp, lifeless 10-day-old baby girl,” Loris recalls. “I was crying.”

Brandon reassured me and told me to do CPR. I did, while Brandon was getting the things he needed to care for her. Brandon was by my side then, doing his part as a paramedic. I jumped in the driver seat, and we raced to the hospital. Brandon held her in his arms the entire way to the ER.”

Brandon and Lori remember that call like it was yesterday. “Having someone experience the same things with you, it makes it easier to move forward,” Lori says. “We know what the other saw and felt.”

I’d go crazy working shifts behind a desk.

Brandon Richardson

EMT

The baby is now a teenager. “This call will forever be a part of my story as an EMT, and one we will always share as a victory together,” Lori says. “Since this call we have had many others where we have leaned on each other to get the job done in the moment. We are a team – in all things.”

Even though they now manage two EMS bases and 30 employees, they still take an ambulance home at night so they’re ready to help their team by responding to calls. While they want to share the burden when a shift gets busy, it’s crystal-clear that they are passionate about working with people and being there for them at the toughest moments. That compassion and dedication earned both Brandon and Lori awards from the American Ambulance Association for going above and beyond the call of duty in service to their community.

Brandon, 39, plans to become a nurse and has completed the prerequisite courses, though he has no intention of giving up his role on the ambulance: “I’d go crazy working shifts behind a desk,” he says with a chuckle. For her part, Lori, 35, is taking veterinary technician classes.

A Valentine’s Day Like No Other

Valentine’s Day this year will be a little different, of course. “In the past we would go to dinner, maybe go bowling or to see a movie,” Lori says. “This year we will probably cook a steak on our new grill and maybe rent a movie. I’ve ordered some homemade goodies from a local friend who bakes on holidays.”

They do see brighter days ahead, though, when they can enjoy the 10-acre property they moved to in June. “We have a garden, and we plan to raise chickens and keep bees,” Lori says. No doubt family and friend get-togethers will be on the cards when it’s safe to gather again.

Their plans for this Valentine’s Day are up in the air. “Well, we can’t really plan for that yet,” Lori explains. “We’ll have to see if we’re needed for work.”