Power of Everyday Moments Archives

Coping With the Loss of Dad on Father’s Day

Father’s Day can be an emotionally charged holiday if you’ve recently lost your dad.

Even if your father died some time ago, various life circumstances can make the day difficult, according to Florida-based clinical psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a member of 1-800-Flowers.com’s Connectivity Council and author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of your Anxiety.”

“For example, if you had a rough year and it would be a great time to lean on your dad and get his advice, or maybe you had a kid, it can stir up that need for him,” Carmichael says. “You might feel that absence differently in different years. That is completely normal and expected.”

If, due to a recent or more prolonged loss, you’re not quite sure how to approach Father’s Day this year, these eight suggestions can help you cope with your grief — and also celebrate your father’s memory.

1. Do something your dad loved

If you plan to engage in an activity you and your father often enjoyed together — like, say, playing golf at his favorite course — you may, Carmichael says, want to invite someone to join you or plan an event afterward, such as lunch with a sibling. That way, you have some support if the day triggers sad feelings.

“It could be bittersweet,” she says. “The benefit of at least being aware of those feelings is then we can address them.”

2. Utilize mementos

Putting a photo of your father or other memorable items on display during Father’s Day weekend can serve as a reminder of your time together — and ensure he’s included in the holiday, Carmichael says.

“Sometimes seeing his face and having a way to recognize him can feel soothing,” she says. “[It’s a] a small behavioral way of marking that memory.”

3. Be grateful for parental guidance

Dr. George Everly, a professor in the Department of International Health at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, says viewing the loss of his father more than a decade ago as a milestone in life’s overall journey — a mindset his father imparted on him — has helped him focus on the positive aspects of their relationship.

“I miss him every day,” Everly says. “What I do when I find myself going down that rabbit hole is quickly shift and think of all the things he brought into my life rather than all the things I should have said or done. Within a heartbeat, my mood changes.”

“Celebrate the time you had together rather than mourning the time you won’t have.”
Dr. George Everly, psychologist and professor, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health

Sometimes, Carmichael says, Father’s Day-related feelings of loss can be rooted in a yearning for the sense of protection or wisdom a father brings — which writing down, or even just mentally listing, a few things you learned from your dad can help you recapture.

4. Honor your dad through service

Volunteering for a cause your father cared about, or even one that just matters to you, can shift the day’s emphasis from what you’ve lost to contributing something positive.

“You can be doing it directly in memory of your dad, to carry out work that mattered to him — or just to keep your own grief and pain in perspective and stay focused on the community around you,” Carmichael says.

5. Reminisce with family

Organizing a group gathering can help stave off feelings of loneliness if you can’t spend Father’s Day with your dad.

A video call, where everyone shares a memory or story, could be cathartic if people can’t physically get together, Carmichael suggests.

“In some cases, it feels better to grieve with other people,” she says. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be sad; it can be with laughter and positivity.”

6. Acknowledge other father figures

Instead of concentrating on your father’s absence, consider using Father’s Day as an opportunity to thank a male family member or other acquaintance for being a source of support.

“Telling them you’d like to spend some time with them around the holiday — or even just mailing a card that says ‘I appreciate you being in my life’ — is going to be seen as a compliment,” Carmichael says. “And it can help you remember that, although your father is gone, there are other fatherly people around you.”

7. Express your emotions — or go offline

Posting a commemorative message on social media could make you feel supported, Carmichael says, if friends and followers comment on what you’ve shared.

If, however, seeing the deluge of other Father’s Day posts would be a painful reminder of your loss, staying off social media might be a good idea.

“There’s a potential landmine there,” Everly says. “People will be posting these marvelous pictures of their father and saying, ‘We’re having a great day with Dad.’ If your dad passed away, [you’ll be] seeing that and saying, ‘I don’t have a dad to do that with.'”

8. Make other plans

If, ultimately, you think Father’s Day may be completely overwhelming, planning a trip out of town or another unrelated activity is fine, Everly says.

“A lot of times [people] anticipate it will be a problem and either embrace it or do the opposite, and do something that takes their mind off it. Either one is OK,” he says. “There’s been a myth in psychology for over 100 years that says you’ve got to experience the pain. You don’t.”

As Father’s Day approaches, you may not be able to completely avoid feelings of loss. You can, however, focus on what you’re able to control — including your reaction to those feelings.

“Sometimes the healing process can be accelerated by having a talk with yourself,” Everly says. “Celebrate the time you had together rather than mourning the time you won’t have.”

Grieving and Healing After Profound Loss

June is known for many things in the United States: the end of school, the transition to summer, graduations, and, of course, Father’s Day. But while so much of the marketing would suggest that Father’s Day is centered on happy celebrations, this day can also be charged with mixed emotions, including sadness, longing, and other symptoms of grief. The more we talk openly about how holidays such as this contain a variety of feelings, the more we can get comfortable with supporting each other through them.

Light After Loss Episode 22: Healing and Grieving after Profound Loss

In a recent “Light After Loss” episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer spoke with Colin Campbell, an Academy Award-nominated writer and director for theater and film. In the summer of 2018, Colin and his wife, Gail, were hit by a speeding drunk driver. Their two teenage children, Ruby (who was 17) and Hart (who was 14), were in the backseat and did not survive. Colin’s new book, “Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose,” aims to help people find ways to express their grief so that they can live more fully while also holding their loved ones close.

Here are some key takeaways from their conversation.

What should people say to someone who is grieving?

A common misconception is that the role of a supporter is to fix whatever pain the griever is going through. But people should feel relieved of that burden because they don’t need to solve that problem (for which there is no solution anyway). Supporters merely need to figure out how they can articulate that they are there for that person, that they care about them, and that, if pertinent, they loved the person that has died.

How can we feel less isolated in our grief?

grieving with women supporting grieving friend

Community is so important in grief. There’s a stereotype that when someone in your life dies, you’re supposed to enter your grief cave and come out whenever you’re ready. In reality, being with others is imperative. For example, I felt that the Jewish tradition of shiva, when the entire community is supposed to come and sit with the mourner for seven straight nights, was extremely comforting. My initial instinct was to retreat, because the grief over my children was so painful. But then I realized that my pain was coming from love, and that it would be a lot more helpful for me to feel held by a community and be able to share stories and feel seen than to be alone.

Grievers should also try to figure out how to tell the people in their life what they need as support. Most people want to provide meaningful support — they just don’t know how.

How can partners who are grieving together help each other?

After our children died, my wife and I clung to each other; after all, we were the only ones who understood our particular loss. But there can be strength in having different responses. As time went on, we found that sometimes we’d be on the same emotional page. Other times, one of us might feel full of despair while the other one was in a different place, say, remembering a beautiful and comforting memory — and that person was the one who’d take the lead in helping the other through the tough moment.

Elderly spouses hug look at window meet twilight years together

What role do kindness and joy play in personal grief?

When we are grieving, it can be easy to forget to take care of and be compassionate to ourselves. It can also be easy to get caught up in cycles of regret or self-criticism. But those thoughts can be very punishing. While sometimes the very idea of allowing ourselves to feel joy and pleasure can be difficult in grief, it’s an enormously important thing to try to let in. Feeling joy — even the fleeting moments — and reminding ourselves that we are simply humans going through something very universal can help counteract the hardness we place on ourselves and help us avoid mental and emotional burnout.

This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversation about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.

Best Birthday Gifts for Cancer Signs

Intuitive, loyal, and emotionally intelligent, Cancers often care more about the thought and effort put into a gift than the gift itself. And that, says Lisa Stardust, a New York City-based astrologist and bestselling author, means you should go the extra mile when shopping for a birthday present for them.

What to know about Cancer signs

Cancer (June 22–July 22) is the fourth sign on the zodiac, following the air sign Gemini. Being a cardinal sign, Cancer marks the start of a new season, in this case summer. Cardinal signs are known for being go-getters and trendsetters, and are often called the “initiators” of the zodiac, Stardust says.

“Cancer season is a time where we’re really embracing our emotions, like Cancers do,” Stardust says. “The days are longer, the sun is heating up, and we’re busy setting new intentions to make things happen.”

Charity, happy and hug with volunteer friends in a park for community, charity or donation of time together. Support, teamwork or sustainability with a black man and friend hugging outdoor in nature

Like most water signs, Cancers are highly sensitive souls. Stardust says Cancers often display a strong connectivity, emotional depth, and connection to nostalgia and sentimentality.

Because of those qualities, Cancers tend to make loyal and true-to-the-end friends.

“They’ll defend you even if they don’t agree with you,” Stardust says. “They’re nurturing, a great shoulder to cry on, and always ready to fight your battles. They’re tough but tenderhearted.”

Cancers are also ruled by the moon, and that has a direct influence on their mood.

“The hearts and minds of Cancers change with the signs and phases of the moon,” Stardust says, “which means they can be quirky, sometimes neurotic, and definitely changeable.”

Best birthday gifts for Cancer signs

As they continually seek deep connections with others, Cancers tend to take on a lot of external stressors, which can make them anxious and overwhelmed. Gifting a Cancer things like weighted blankets, relaxing bath products, healing essential oils, or soothing candles is a great way to help them unwind.

To a Cancer, the saying is true: It’s the thought that counts. These folks will always appreciate a special keepsake or personalized gift — perhaps with an added happy birthday video montage — over a more luxurious or expensive option because it shows the gift-giver gave thoughtful consideration to what the recipient would like.

Go-to birthday gifts for Cancer signs

If you have a close friend or family member who is a Cancer, you know how deeply they care for you. Show them you feel the same way about them with these birthday gift ideas for the Cancer in your life.

Something that grows

Flowers or plants are a good birthday gift for most any zodiac sign. Stardust recommends white roses or lilies, or something white or light gray, to reflect the moon’s influence on them.

birthday gifts for cancer with white lilies

Unlike some other signs, Cancers are up for taking care of plants that require more maintenance. These include fiddle-leaf figs and orchids, the 2023 Flower of the Year.

“Cancers love to nurture, care for, and even talk to their plants,” Stardust says.

Something to cook or bake with

Gifting caretaking Cancers presents they can use to cook up something tasty for their loved ones is always a great option, Stardust says. For those who enjoy showing off their grilling skills, consider a selection of high-quality proteins, such as chicken breasts, steaks, or seafood…or a combination of all three.

You could also add a little spice to their life, with a gourmet salt collection or maple bacon rub, or give them the tools they need to make meal prep easier, with cutting boards, bakeware, or recipe boxes.

White Phalaenopsis Orchid

Best of Land and Sea Collection

Personalized Collapsible Party Cooler

Something nostalgic

“The moon is representative of our memories and how we all relate to them,” Stardust says.

And knowing what we know about Cancers, that means collectibles and sentimental items like photo albums, picture frames, scrapbooks, or board games that take them back to their youth will go over well.

Something for the beach or pool

Like a classic water sign, a Cancer adores spending time beachside, poolside, or even bath-side. In other words, if water is involved, they’re in.

Stardust suggests monogrammed beach towels, sun shades, beach umbrellas, portable speakers, coolers, and beach bags so Cancers can enjoy themselves in and around the water as they were meant to.

For more astrological birthday gifting inspiration, check out our other zodiac gift guides:
Gifts for Virgo
Gifts for Libra
Gifts for Scorpio
Gifts for Sagittarius
Gifts for Capricorn
Gifts for Aquarius
Gifts for Pisces
Gifts for Aries
Gifts for Taurus
Gifts for Gemini

Overcoming the Stigma Around Mental Health

In 1949, the United States government designated May as Mental Health Awareness Month. The purpose of this month is to raise awareness about the importance of mental health and provide information about what people can do if they feel their own mental health or that of someone they care about is cause for concern.

Light After Loss Episode 21: Mental Health Awareness: Overcoming the Stigma

In a recent “Light After Loss” episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer spoke with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a psychologist as well as the founder of Therapy for Black Girls and host of its mental health podcast. Bradford’s work focuses on making mental health topics more relevant and accessible for Black women, and creating spaces for them to have fuller and healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Here are some key takeaways from their conversation.

Why is there such a stigma surrounding the topic of mental health?

Many people didn’t grow up being taught about the importance of caring for their mental health. Also, some communities that are more deeply rooted within religion and spirituality tend to promote the idea that if you are struggling with mental illness, your faith may not be strong enough, or, even, that you are cursed. None of this encourages an open conversation about mental healthcare.

How has the stigma surrounding mental health historically affected Black and Brown women?

A common “strong Black woman” stereotype suggests that they’re the ones who are supposed to hold everything together: at home, at work, within their communities. That is nearly impossible to do without struggle. The idea that someone might not be strong enough to face whatever emotional concerns they’re having goes against that stereotype, and that results in some women feeling like it’s not OK to admit they need help. Also, historically, Black women have been penalized for having mental health issues in various ways, from being put into prison to losing employment to having children taken away from them.

Why is it important to see ourselves reflected in our therapist?

The field of therapy — its theories and interventions — was developed by and for straight white men. When you choose a therapist, it can be helpful to see someone who has a cultural knowledge of what those theories and interventions look like with your community, and who has a similar background. If a therapist doesn’t understand those nuances, important things might be missed. For example, talking about “being tired” within the Black female community can mean that someone is experiencing deep burnout. Someone who doesn’t understand the context might try to help that person look at their sleep hygiene.

mental health awareness with woman talking to a therapist

The reality is that finding someone like that can be difficult. Fewer than 4% of psychologists in the United States are Black, and an even smaller percentage are practicing clinicians.

What should we keep in mind when searching for a therapist?

Therapy is a lot like dating. The first therapist you work with might not be the one that’s the best fit for you. Give yourself permission to find someone else who might work with you in a better way if it doesn’t feel right.

Before reaching out to anyone, make a list of the things that are important to you: Do you want someone with the same cultural background? Sexual orientation? Gender identity or religion? Do you need someone who takes insurance or someone who offers hours that fit with your scheduling constraints? Have that list with you as you speak with people — and use the typical free 20-minute consultations! — but, also, keep an open mind. Your perfect therapist might end up being none of those things but just feel like the right fit for you.

mental health awareness with mom comforting daughter

Ideally, how would we grow up learning how to nourish our mental health?

It’s so important to learn how to verbalize our feelings, and, ideally, from a young age. We all need to learn that it’s OK to cry, and have and show other emotions and big feelings. It’s also powerful to know that you always have someone at home or at school to talk to about those things in early childhood. (But, also, it’s never too late to learn any of this.)

How can having a sense of community help us heal?

It’s important to remember that we are never alone with any struggle we have. Even with the most embarrassing things we’ve experienced, we need to know there is always someone who has experienced something similar and who can help you to hold it.

It’s also important to get ourselves to a point where we are willing to ask for help. Frequently, we identify our importance to people by how they offer help — but not everyone who cares about us knows exactly when we need it. Get out of your comfort zone, and you might be pleasantly surprised by who shows up for you.

This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversation about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.

The 9 Best Birthday Gifts for Brothers

Whether they’re older and always looking out for you or younger and always looking up to you, one thing is certain — you treasure your brother and the relationship you have with him.

Finding the perfect way to show how much you care about your brother and value his companionship is important, but also easier said than done. No matter how tight the two of you are, finding the perfect birthday gift for brothers can be tricky.

Lucky for you, we have put together this guide to the best birthday gifts for brothers. Use it to kickstart your quest and ramp up your creative inspiration.

birthday gifts for brothers with surt and turf

The Gourmand

A birthday happens only once a year, making it the ideal occasion to treat yourself to an indulgent meal — and, to us, nothing is more indulgent than the classic combination of seafood and steak.

Give your brother the pinnacle of fine dining on his birthday with the premium pairing of succulent lobster tail and tender filet mignon. And no birthday feast is complete without a bottle of wine to wash it all down with.

The Reluctant Decorator

Whether your brother’s office lacks décor, his home needs a little greenery, or he could just use a little good fortune, the gift of a money tree is a fantastic option. These hardy plants not only have a reputation for bringing luck, but they also add a natural visual intrigue to any space. Thanks to these plants’ long lifespans, your brother can enjoy this gift for years to come, too (though that doesn’t get you off the hook from having to buy him a present for future birthdays).

The Boozy Bruncher

If your brother enjoys pairing his late morning weekend pancakes and eggs with a glass of potent tomato juice, treat him to a bloody mary kit. He can set up his own bloody bar filled with dill pickle hot sauce, garlic dill cornichons, and pitted green olives. Add an extra kick to each sip by rimming the glass with the chile lime seasoning. Vodka not included…

birthday gifts for brother: personalized grilling apron

The Grill Master

Few things speak to a man’s heart like the sizzle of meat on a grill. If your brother appreciates the art of grilling, why not facilitate his predilection with a themed birthday gift? Whether you opt for a grilling apron, cutting board, or barbecuing utensil set — or all three! — he’s sure to use his new, personalized tools with pride. Complete the package by sending him a little something to throw on the grill. Who knows, maybe he’ll share!

birthday gifts for brothers big rig d puzzle

The Model

We’re not talking about having your brother strut the runway. This gift is for the brother who enjoys building models. This wooden big rig is made up of 286 pieces, so you’re not only giving him a cool-looking model but hours of fun as well. If he prefers other modes of transportation, there are also puzzles in the shape of a steam train and cruise ship, as well as architectural landmarks (the Eiffel Tower!).

The ‘Sweet’ Brother

No birthday is complete without some tasty baked goods. Birthday cakes are a classic dessert, but variety is the spice of life, right? The birthday sweets basket is a party in a box overflowing with delicious birthday goodies. It contains everything from chocolate-covered Oreos to mint chocolate malt balls, as well as dark chocolate almonds and two creative pretzel confections to provide a sweet and salty balance. All these extra treats provide the proverbial icing on the birthday cake (see what we did there?).

The Football Fan

When fall Sundays roll around, your broski can be found on the couch drinking beer while watching football. Help him enhance his viewing experience with this NFL Craft Beer Flight Beverage Sampler. Coming in all 32 teams, these glasses are the perfect size to imbibe on a different beer each quarter. If the game goes into overtime, we’re sure he’ll know what to do.

birthday gifts for brothers Coffee Market Box

The Java Man

Is your brother one of those folks who can’t operate until he has a cup of coffee in the morning? The Wake Up & Smell the Coffee Market Box will have him fueled for days! Three different blends, along with a shot of vanilla latte, are just the start to fulfilling his caffeine dreams. The box also has has pick-me-up treats, such as espresso candy and rock candy swizzle sticks.

birthday gifts for brothers with gourmet snack box

The Insatiable Snacker

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and your brother is no different. Gift that guy as many goodies as he can handle with the Grand Premium Snack Gift Tower or Premium Gourmet Snack Box. Both are filled with an incredible variety of salty and sweet treats that he (and his stomach) will surely thank you for.

Best Birthday Gifts for Gemini

Geminis can be hard to pin down, says Lisa Stardust, New York City-based astrologist and bestselling author.

Best known for their air sign qualities — being communicative and curious, and owning a quick wit — Geminis are social while introspective, passionate and playful, intelligent yet impulsive. For those who love a chatty, inquisitive, and always exciting Gemini, this guide will help you find the perfect gift for an upcoming birthday.

What to know about Gemini

Gemini (May 21-June 21) is the third sign on the zodiac calendar, following the earth sign Taurus. This mutable air sign is best known for its independence, zeal for expressing themselves, and uncanny ability to foster and cherish relationships. On the flip side, Stardust says, Geminis can be tricky and practical jokers.

birthday gifts for gemini with woman talking on the phone

Geminis are ruled by the planet Mercury, which is named after the Greek god of the same name. Mercury was a messenger, a carrier of information, so it’s no surprise that Geminis seek constant and fluid avenues of communication. This includes talking, texting, and sharing their thoughts online with others.

The Gemini symbol is depicted by two mythological twins, Castor and Pollux, making it the only sign of the zodiac with a partner.

“That makes them relationship-oriented people,” Stardust says. “In fact, it makes them some of the most relationship-oriented people ever. As adults, Geminis often have friends they made when they were children; they grow up and take them with them. That also has to do with their communication — they’re committed to working through stuff. “

Best birthday gifts for Gemini

A Gemini, Stardust says, loves things that feed into their playful and exciting spirit. “Games and sports — especially ones they can play with their hands — are going to be a win,” she says. Consider gifting a Gemini anything from a chess set to a basketball to keep their playful spirit entertained.

If you opt for a spa-themed gift, Stardust recommends going with a lavender-scented item. (Lavender is Gemini’s birth flower.)

True to their nature as communicators, Geminis tend to be talented writers, Stardust says. “A great journal, a nice pen — anything to help them write is a good gift,” she recommends.

Go-to birthday gifts for Gemini

Let’s dissect what we’ve learned about Gemini to curate the perfect gift (or gifts) for this expressive, fun-loving, and sometimes rambunctious sign.

Something that grows

birthday gifts for gemini with women holding lavender bouquet

Though not earth signs, Geminis do have a compelling appreciation for plants and flowers. And, once again, lavender is the way to go.

“All the communication and information Geminis are big on can make them anxious,” Stardust says. “The smell of lavender calms them down and reduces their anxiety.”

Something to help them communicate

While a tablet, phone, or laptop might be out of your price range, gifting a Gemini something that helps them get their thoughts out is a great present. “Geminis need — like, need — to text,” admits Stardust, herself a Gemini.

Think of things like phone chargers and phone cases, tablet covers, or speakers to amplify the volume of their devices.

“Something that helps them keep up with everyone and stay in touch is a great gift,” Stardust says.

Something for their hands

Every sign on the zodiac rules a unique part of the body, and for Geminis, it’s the hands.

Give them something to soothe their precious mitts, such as hand lotions, oils, or creams. You could also find a perfect-fitting pair of gloves or mittens, or a ring.

Also consider gifting them something to keep those hands busy, such as sewing supplies, painting tools, and other crafty, hands-on, experiential gifts.

birthday gifts for gemini with japanese bonsai tree kit — Japanese Bonsai Tree Kit

Limoncello Cake

birthday gifts for gemini with personalized tablet pillow — Personalized Tablet Pillow

Something bright and flashy

Whatever kind of gift you decide on, make sure it’s flashy and eye-catching — that’s the aesthetic of choice for many Geminis, Stardust says.

“Geminis love bright colors, especially when it comes to fashion,” she said. “Bright nail polish is so Gemini, as are bright pajamas and bright throw pillows.”

As yellow is one of the lucky colors for Gemini, a gift of that hue should go over well.

Something to snack on

Geminis can be pretty picky about their snacks, Stardust says, but it all really depends on how they’re feeling that day.

If you choose to go the food route, options like citrus fruits or charcuterie are practically guaranteed winners, Stardust says, adding that Geminis also lean toward citrusy sweets.

“A key lime-flavored dessert, such as key lime cookies, would be good for them.”

For more astrological birthday gifting inspiration, check out our other gift guides:
Gifts for Virgo
Gifts for Libra
Gifts for Scorpio
Gifts for Sagittarius
Gifts for Capricorn
Gifts for Aquarius
Gifts for Pisces
Gifts for Aries
Gifts for Taurus

Older and Better: 10 Birthday Party Ideas for Seniors

We call them milestone birthdays for a reason: They are, indeed, an occasion to recognize and honor someone for the person they are and everything they’ve accomplished. And when a senior is about to turn 70, 80, 90 — or anywhere above or in between — it is the perfect opportunity to celebrate.

“The memories you’ll have from a birthday party are ones you’ll have forever,” says Liz O’Donnell, author of Working Daughter: A Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living and founder of Working Daughter, a community for women balancing eldercare with their own families and careers.

To help you plan a memorable event for a parent, grandparent, or any elder who means the world to you, we’ve compiled a list of 10 birthday party ideas for seniors.

1. Consider what type of party the honoree would like

“I hear this all the time: ‘I really want to create this memory for my mom’ or ‘I really want to make up for lost time,'” O’Donnell says. “But is that what you want or is that what they want?”

Getting input from the senior of honor is the best way to figure out what kind of party to have. For example, maybe they would prefer a large event with friends at a restaurant. Or perhaps their preference is for a small gathering with close family members at home. The easiest way to find out is just to ask. Which brings us to our next point…

2. Forget the surprise

Although a surprise party might sound tempting, O’Donnell warns against it. She explains that getting seniors to and from a location can take more time than you realize. Plus, “you’ll want to give them as much time as they need to show up and be at their best,” she adds.

3. Think about the timing

Early afternoon is often the time when many elders feel their best, and a weekend event allows guests to attend.

How long should the party last? The answer depends on the health and well-being of the honoree.

Regardless of the timeframe you choose, these personalized invitations will convey all the details of the big day to your guests, and do it warmly.

birthday party ideas for seniors with family toasting

4. Select the right location

Since every senior has different physical abilities, the party location should meet their needs for safety and comfort. Some seniors will welcome the chance to celebrate at a restaurant or community party room, while others will feel more at ease in a familiar environment, such as their apartment or the home of a relative.

5. Choose a theme

A party theme gives guests a direction for gifts, and it takes some of the creative pressure off you as the planner. A theme also helps you celebrate one of the honoree’s special interests. Here are a few ideas.

’50s sock hop
’60s Top 40 songs
Hunting or fishing
Vintage cars
Hollywood hits
Travel (focusing on places the honoree has visited)
Historical facts or trivia

Add to the fun by getting them a personalized oversized greeting card that includes information from their birth year. You also can gift the honoree a vintage-looking coffee mug that features their age, birth year, and a personalized greeting.

After you’ve chosen your theme, it’s time to incorporate it into the decorations. Movie posters, album covers, vintage sports equipment, photos, travel posters, and retro game boards all can be part of creating a fun atmosphere.

6. Serve light refreshments

The type and quantity of food you offer at a birthday party for seniors all depends on the time, size, and location of the event.

birthday party ideas for seniors with family clapping around table

In some cases, cake and punch may suffice. In others, a light lunch with finger sandwiches and fruit is appropriate. (If some of the pieces just happen to be dipped in chocolate, all the better!) And what’s a party without cookies and other baked treats?

7. Plan a few activities

Some seniors enjoy playing games, while others prefer one-on-one conversations. Whatever you do, try to avoid a situation where everyone is engaged in an activity while the person you’re celebrating is sitting on the sidelines watching, O’Donnell stresses.

One engaging activity that everyone can participate in — even young children — is taking turns sharing stories and remembrances involving the guest of honor.

8. Keep gifts simple

Many older adults are trying to get rid of the “stuff” in their lives, but that doesn’t mean you have to forego gift giving. Some ideas for heartfelt presents include:

Something connected with the theme — e.g., a 1960s playlist, a classic movie, a trivia card game, a fly-fishing tie.
A photo memory book or collection of letters to the honoree.
A non-perishable food item to donate to a local food pantry in the honoree’s name.
Filling a glass jar with encouraging notes — one for each of their years — or writing a special letter that everyone signs and then placing it in a keepsake message in a bottle.

birthday party ideas for seniors floral bouquet — Floral Embrace™

birthday party ideas for seniors with cookie pail — Sweet Birthday Wishes Cookie Pail

birthday party ideas for seniors personalized photo album — Modern Birthday Personalized Wood Photo Album

9. Tap a photographer

The best way to ensure you have plenty of photos to mark the special occasion is to ask someone to be in charge of taking pictures. Ask a friend or family member to be the de facto camera person, or hire a professional, if your budget allows.

10. Stay flexible

You know what they say about best-laid plans. That’s why you should be ready, willing, and able to switch things up at a moment’s notice if something doesn’t go according to the script.

Have a backup plan in case you need to move an outdoor event indoors or vice versa. Be ready to turn down the music or move your loved one’s chair away from the sunlight or ask someone to speak louder as the need arises.

Most of all, remember that a simple celebration can be just as meaningful and memorable as a big bash — and, sometimes, even more so. The most important thing is to celebrate a person who means so much to so many and to make even more memories with them.

How to Cope With the Loss of a Pet

Typically, to love a pet is to lose a pet. But even though these animals tend to have much shorter lifespans than humans, we choose to have them because of the deep bond we form with them and the unconditional love they provide. And with 70 percent of American households — or about 85 million homes — owning a pet, according to the American Pet Products Association, the majority of us understand these benefits firsthand.

Most pet owners have such a deep relationship with their pets that when they lose one, the emotions they feel can be profound and hard to put into words. But dealing with the loss of a pet is no different, or less important, than remembering a person who has left us.

Light After Loss Episode 20: Coping With the Loss of a Pet

In a recent “Light After Loss” Facebook Live episode, Modern Loss’ Rebecca Soffer hosted a discussion with E.B. Bartels, author of “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter,” a narrative nonfiction book about loving and losing animals. Here are some key moments from their conversation.

What are some things can we do for ourselves after the loss of a pet?

Legitimize your feelings. A lot of people internalize the comments we frequently hear (“It’s just a dog”) and end up trying to talk themselves out of the deep grief they are feeling by saying “It’s not like it was a family member or a friend.” Losing a pet is as legitimate a loss as any other, and so, just as with all other types of grief, don’t “should” yourself, or try stifle or contain it.

loss of a pet with looking at photos of dog

Ask people to witness your grief. It can feel good to go through your memories and curate an album to share online. This gives you time to create some space to reflect on the relationship. Once you do this, ask people to share their own memories of your animal — you may get stories that you might never have learned about. And consider turning the album into a printed scrapbook. (This is also a great way to help kids process their grief.)
Reach out and connect with other people who get it — even online. On the third Sunday of each month, Perfect Paws Pet Ministry hosts a Zoom gathering with people all over the world to celebrate and remember their pets.

What are some mourning rituals we can do for our pets?

There aren’t a lot of set rituals for mourning pets, which is both good and bad. On the one hand, it can feel uncomfortable after the loss of a pet if you don’t know what to do. On the other, this can free us up to figure out what feels right for us.

Here are five ideas for how to mourn a pet.

Adapt the rituals you might do for a human death to your pet: have a wake, sit shiva, or even ask friends to come by the night before an animal is euthanized to say goodbye.
If you have other pets in the house, let them see your pet after it has died. This allows them to process what has happened and say their own goodbyes. It’s also important for them to view your grief and sit with you during it.

loss of a pet with woman holding small dog

Spend time with other animals. As any pet owner knows, this can be very therapeutic. Petting dogs release oxytocin in the brain, and even watching fish can lower your blood pressure.
Consider burying your pet in a pet cemetery (or, at least, making a habit of visiting them wherever you are to feel close to your animal). No animal is buried in a pet cemetery out of obligation; rather, they are there because of the people who want to celebrate them even in death. You can leave offerings like squeaky toys, their favorite food, or even an old shoe they used to love gnawing on. Wherever you travel around the world, you can visit a pet cemetery and feel the same love others felt for their pets that you felt for yours.
Write an obituary. This healing exercise can help you process your emotions and put all your favorite memories in one place, so that years from now you have something to go back and read. This is another good activity to do with children.

How can we help those who have not experienced the loss of a pet better understand what we’re going through?

Ask that person to remember what if felt like to experience a hard loss in their life, be it a breakup, divorce, or death. Even if they can’t imagine being so attached to a cat, for example, it will make it easier for them to put themselves in the pet griever’s shoes.

What should we do about people around us who aren’t helpful in our grief?

Don’t waste time trying to convince someone of your grief who doesn’t want to try to understand. Millions of people around the world are open to connecting with each other through the love and loss of their pets. (And remember to extend that mindset to people who don’t “get it” with other types of grief, too.)

This article was authored by ModernLoss.com, which offers candid conversation about grief and meaningful community throughout the long arc of loss.

Best Birthday Gifts for Taurus

Tauruses offer a unique blend of personality traits, says Lisa Stardust, a New York City-based astrologist and best-selling author. Known for their tenacity, creativity, and need to feel connected with themselves and the earth, people born under this sign are truly one-of-a-kind creatures.

For those who love an opinionated, hard-working, and occasionally extravagant Taurus, the journey to find a perfect-for-them present begins here.

What to know about Taurus

Taurus (April 21–May 20) is the second sign in the Zodiac calendar, immediately following Aries, and if the latter is known for its spark of imagination, then the former is the builder of those dreams. Tauruses are all too happy to put their head down to get things done — but they always come up for relaxation, rest, and a whole lot of play.

Much of this balance comes from Taurus’ planetary ruler, Venus, who, Stardust says, is a bit of a party girl.

birthday gifts for taurus with woman partying and drinking champagne

“Think about Venus like the disco queen who never works, goes out for an all-nighter, sleeps until 5 p.m., and then dines on cheesecake and Champagne,” Stardust says. “She’s here for a good time and to do what she pleases.”

While Taureses aren’t exactly like Venus, they do tend to possess some of her more notable characteristics, including femininity, sensuality, and a taste for luxury. But, as earth signs, they’re also associated with being stubborn, fiercely loyal, and unwavering.

“When a Taurus makes up their mind,” Stardust says, “their mind is made up.”

Best birthday gifts for Taurus

Gifting a Taurus something like bath products, cozy slippers, spa treatments, or something comfortable to wear in their downtime are always great options to help them unwind and relax.

If you really want to appeal to their earth-sign nature, give the Taurus in your life something that’s focused on aromatics like candles, earthy perfumes, and room fragrances (that don’t come on too strong).

When all else fails, go for rich or decadent foods and beverages. Tauruses are known for their opulent inclinations and never saying no to the finer things, Stardust says.

“Tauruses want the good stuff,” she says. “They’re the kind of people you’d take out for a three-course meal at a great restaurant.”

Go-to birthday gifts for Taurus

It’s almost Taurus time. Let’s take what we know about Tauruses to help steer us to the best birthday gift for them.

Something that grows

Like most earth signs, Tauruses adore having plants and flowers in their homes. “Earth signs don’t just like to have plants around — they need them,” Stardust says.

birthday gifts for taurus with woman holding bouquet of roses

Though a Taurus would appreciate any plant, gifting them roses is a great fit. Like Tauruses themselves, roses are a blend of artistry, romance, and beauty.

Other springtime blooms, such as peonies, white cherry blossoms, and calla lilies, are major hits, too, according to Stardust.

When all else fails, “go for a big bouquet of green, white, and even a little pink to match their earth sign aesthetic,” Stardust advises.

Something decadent and rich

Run of the mill is not good enough for this sign. “Tauruses love the rich and fancy stuff,” Stardust advises.

Bear that in mind and gift them some finely crafted wine or sparkly Champagne, premium ingredients for a gourmet meal, or signature chocolates.

birthday gifts for taurus with Deliciously Decadent™ Cherished Blooms Time to Celebrate Birthday Cake™ — Deliciously Decadent™ Cherished Blooms & Time to Celebrate Birthday Cake™

birthday gifts for taurus chocolate truffles — Godiva® Signature Truffles Box

birthday gifts for taurus The Giving Gift for Her — The Giving Gift for Her

Something to feed their senses

As earth signs, and signs ruled by Venus, Tauruses crave feeling alive in their bodies. “For them, it’s all about physicality — things they can sense, smell, and taste.”

Further, Stardust says, Taureses love to be around things that smell really good — aromas and essences. “They love a fancy candle, a rose-scented perfume, a great-smelling lotion,” she says.

Something for their creative spirit

Even though Tauruses are considered the workhorses of the zodiac, they’re also exceptionally invested in the arts, music, and other creative endeavors. So, springing for a paint and sip class, a wine and painting set to enjoy at home, or a culinary kit would definitely go over well with a Taurus.

Stardust says Tauruses also enjoy art for their home (so long as it appeals to their earthy aesthetic), home decor, and gifts like sheets, blankets, and duvets.

Something for their neck and shoulders

Each zodiac sign rules a specific body part, and for a Taurus that is the neck (including the throat) and shoulders. A luxurious scarf, a karaoke machine, or even singing lessons are all great gifts for Taurus.